Cancer connections

In 2014, after being diagnosed with breast cancer, I went on a quest to find alternative ways of fighting the disease. I didn't want to go through traditional treatment - surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, and then anti-hormone pills for years afterward, so I started digging. I read any and everything I could find on holistic and non traditional means of combating the disease. There was a ton of information out there and at times, my research became overwhelming. I was determined to find a way to win the battle I'd been thrust into and I was willing to do whatever I could to do it on my terms. 

I found the most helpful information as I studied Chinese medicine. Some of the treatment options were pretty easy and others more difficult. I gleaned as much as I could and adopted many of the ideas hoping to extend my life for as long as possible. Some people laughed at me as I began drinking 3 or 4 glasses of organic Matcha green tea a day and they didn't understand the boundaries I put up to help reduce my stress, by I didn't care. It was my life and I was going to live it to the fullest. This July 9, I'll celebrate 11 years of being cancer free. I attribute that to the healthy methods I incorporated into my life, to my faith, and to stress reduction. 

I've never understood why so many of my friends decided to accept traditional treatment after being diagnosed with different forms of cancer. I wondered why they didn't do a little digging to try to find a better way. Of the friends I've made since my diagnosis, there are only one or two still living. I can only attribute those odds to the horrible devastation their bodies faced as they were pumped full of deadly chemicals in an effort to eradicate cancer cells. Did they know chemotherapy also killed their healthy cells? Probably not. I doubt seriously doctors told them. Another thing I've never understood is why doctors don't suggest to patients, as soon as they're diagnosed, there are other options. A good doctor, one seriously committed to the Hippocratic oath,"Do no harm," should say, "I'm so sorry to tell you that you indeed have cancer. I want you to go home and think about how you'd like to proceed. There are many treatment options available. Typically, we suggest the traditional route because we've had some good success with it, but the choice is yours. Do your homework and let me know what you decide. I'll help in any way I can and no matter what you choose, I'll support you. I want to see you live." But that's an unrealistic scenario, I know. 

Yesterday, a sweet friend reached out to tell me her cancer has returned with a vengeance. She's a young mother and more than likely won't make it to see the end of this year barring a miracle. I pray she gets it. She's done everything in her power to fight this horrid disease but no matter what she's done, it's continued to come after her, stalking her like a demon from the pits of hell. My heart breaks for her. 

Early this morning, in the wee hours, as I lay awake listening to a YouTube video, I got a text from another friend. We've known each other about 8 years but have never met in person. Breast cancer connected us through an article I'd written for a cancer publication. This woman had taken time to read it and reach out. After that initial contact, we've been kindred spirits. Getting a text from her about 5:46 A.M. made my heart sing. God knew I needed her message. It was filled with sweet memories we've shared over the past years and reminded me of the value of friendship. The funny thing is, we'll probably never meet in person. She lives many states away, but whenever God pricks one of our hearts, we reach out and connect. It kind of reminds me of the old AT&T/Bell South jingle from years ago, "Reach out and touch someone."

Tragically, one of the good things about cancer is it can definitely connect people in ways no other disease can, but it can also tear people apart. Cancer, in all forms, wields more power than many can fathom. It's a hateful, non discriminatory disease and loves to sneak up on the unsuspecting. My hope is that one day, before my grandchildren and great grandchildren are adults it will be completely gone, but I'm afraid that hope will remain unrealized. Why do I feel this way? It's partially due to all the bio engineered products they consume daily in convenience foods or from the many cancer causing chemicals surrounding them each day-  simple things like cleaning products, impurities in drinking water, etc. But I can still hope and maybe, just maybe my hope will become a reality. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ErNQ415s6A&t=44s

 

Oh how I hate cancer!

If I could kill something I would and that something would be cancer. I hate it with my entire being, especially when I learn, day after day, another friend has either been diagnosed with cancer or has found out a family member has been diagnosed. 

In my office, I have a whiteboard where I keep a list of prayer concerns. Daily I watch the concerns grow as I add one after another after another name and different type of cancer. Currently, I have 15 names on that board and that's just those who've shared their news with me since January of this year! It makes me physically ill every time I get a call, text, or email with a plea for prayer. Sometimes I'm so overwhelmed I want to run away and never come back. 

I've cried so many tears, I could never count them but I know God holds them all in a bottle because the Bible tells me He does. That makes me think He considers each one priceless, but tears don't fix the problem, they only relieve a little of my stress and soothe the cracks in my heart that have formed with each painful notification. 

I don't understand why I'm still here, after 11 years, and so many of my friends are not. I don't understand why my cancer seems to be dormant or perhaps completely cured, and theirs rage out of control. 

When I get to heaven, I'm going to have to sit down with God and ask all these questions. He may or may not give me the answers but I'm hoping He will. And if He doesn't, I pray He'll give me peace to accept the things He's allowed, because right now, I don't have it.

Racing against time

Today I realized I'm old. Of course, I've known it for some time, I just hated to admit it. But when notification of my 50th high school reunion popped into my email, I kind of freaked. 50 years? How could it be that long ago that I was roaming the halls of my beloved school? How could that much time have passed since I've seen so many of my oldest and dearest friends? 

I used to laugh when I heard my mother in law talking about her 50th high school reunion. At that time, I thought, "Wow! She's really old!" Instead, I should have been thinking, "How wonderful to have lived long enough to attend such a milestone event." I was very naive back then. 

Our school has changed so much over the past 50 years. I've driven by several times since 1975 and have made a mental note of each visible change. In some ways, it looks the same, but in others it doesn't. The demographics of that area have drastically changed since I was a student there. Back then, not many of my friends or I had our own cars, now the lot is filled with all sorts of vehicles, and not cheap, beat up ones like the ones my friends were able to afford (if they bought them on their own). Some of my friends had well to do parents who graciously gifted them cars. I was so jealous, especially of the ones with a 1965 Mustang. I wanted that car so badly! Those were the days. 

I'm feeling my age, for sure. Today I was up and down off a ladder as I repaired some settling cracks in our new home. We've been here almost a year and the tiny cracks have started to appear. They're not difficult to repair. I've taken care of them in the past 4 homes I've lived in so I know exactly what to do, but today...getting up and down off the ladder was much harder that it was in the past. And when I got through with the job, I had to sit down and rest a while. I was "plumb tuckered out." 

It seems like I'm racing against time now. Every day seems to go by so quickly! I get up early each day and accomplish as many things as I can, but the minutes and hours fly. By the time I get ready for bed, I wonder when time sped up. It never used to go by so quickly. 

I'm doing everything I can to stay fit. In fact, just yesterday, I bought an new inversion table. Upon our last move, I made the silly mistake of giving mine away thinking I wouldn't want it any longer, but I was wrong. I've missed it terribly. Hanging upside down stretches out my aching spine and seems to help with pain. Only now I have to tilt back slower than I used to because if I don't, I'll get super dizzy and start to feel light headed. I guess that's a blood pressure shift. 

So many things have changed in our world over the last 50 years but I notice my own changes the most. I wonder, if I make it to the reunion, how many friends I'll recognize and how many of them will recognize me? We're all a little shorter, a lot grayer, and a few pounds heavier than we used to be. And I imagine they're feeling the same way I am about the future. 

I wish we could turn back the clock and start over knowing all the things we do now. What different experience high school would be with that knowledge! Oh well, we lived, we learned, and those of us who're still around have done our best to stay in touch thanks to Facebook. 

I don't have details on the date for the reunion yet or the location. I sure hope it fits into my schedule. I'd love to see certain people I hung out with back then and catch up, especially one or two of my old boyfriends - but I'm sure they're happily married now, as am I. 

Getting old is challenging but it's better than not growing old at all. Every day I wake up on this side of the ground, I'm thankful. I hope you are, too.

The importance of being part of your grandchildrens' lives

Grandchildren are such a blessing, to me, they're like bonus children because they're the children of my children. 

I began my family at the age of 19. I was young and inexperienced but did the best I could. I stayed at home as long as I could before getting a full time job. That's when things got hard. Juggling work and a family of little ones was challenging and though I did my best to give them quality time, it seemed there were never enough hours in the day. I would have loved to have had time to sit and play games with them for hours, laugh at silly cartoons, or do other things they enjoyed, but it seemed we were always running. In the blink of an eye, they were grown and gone. Time had escaped and there was no calling it back. 

But now I have the gift of 9 grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren! I don't get to see any of them at the same time, but whenever possible, I relish spending time with the ones who're available. 

Last week, I got to see my youngest granddaughter. It's always such a pleasure to spend time with her. She's home schooled so it's fairly easy to pop into her day on short notice. Her mommy, my middle daughter, graciously allows us to interrupt on occasion and I'm grateful for that.Whenever we do go to visit, I do my best to incorporate some type of fun activity into our visit. My granddaughter is extremely smart and enjoys learning but I try to sneak lessons in under the radar. 

I love writing and want to foster that love into the lives of my grandchildren. I also want to help them discover the power of creativity, so on our visit, I decided to use something my granddaughter said to formulate a quick lesson. 

We were sitting on the sofa as she held a little stuffed dog. I asked the name of her animal -she names all of her stuffies. She told me this one's name was Penny. Penny was a little Pug dog. As she said holding the dog, I reached over and picked up a little toy crown lying on the table nearby and placed it on the dog's head. "Now her name is Princess Penny the Pug," I said. That's when the idea came...we needed to write a short story together. 

I began the first line of the story, "Princess Penny the Pug lived in......" and then I pointed to my granddaughter. When she didn't answer quickly, I said, "Think of a place that starts with the letter P." That prompt caused her to immediately say, "Pennsylvania." So I began the story again, "Princess Penny the Pug lived in Pennsylvania and she loved to ...." By then, my granddaughter was getting the hang of it as we continued using P words. We formulated an entire story and as we worked together throwing the story back and forth for input, we laughed and giggled. I was happy. She was seeing that learning could be silly and fun. 

We wrote the story down as we went and after completing it underlined all the P words in red. Then, my daughter took the story and read it aloud for us in her best British accent. (She was always interested in drama and studied it for years. We always thought she'd major in drama when she was in college but decided to take another path.) It was so fun to have all of us participating and hopefully, the memory of that day will be forever etched into my granddaughter's mind. Perhaps, one day, when she's a mother, she'll carry on this activity with her children or maybe with her own grandchildren.)

I remember spending time with my grandparents when I was younger. Those were special times and I have treasured memories of them stored in my heart. Hopefully, my grandchildren will feel the same about me one day. As long as I'm able, I'll take time to use every opportunity to help get their creative juices flowing, foster fun, and relish our time together. 

I'm glad God doesn't grade on a bell curve!

In the 6th grade, we had so many students the school decided to house all of us in one large classroom, but to make the classes more manageable, that huge group of students was divided into 3 separate units, each taught by a separate teacher. Each teacher specialized in a certain area, and they would tag team teach. We had our assigned homeroom teacher but benefited from the knowledge and expertise of the other teachers, too. 

Mrs. Compton, Mrs. Lee, and Mrs. Sass were the names of the teachers. I was assigned to Mrs. Compton’s class. I was thankful because she was my favorite of all three. She was younger and prettier. And back then, role models were important as we grew in our identities. 

Back then, teachers wanted their students to learn. They wanted us to master each concept taught and did their best to help us accomplish that, but sometimes, we struggled. For me, struggles came with math, while English and Social Studies were easy. 

Our teachers were kind and gracious. They did their best to help us when we needed extra attention. Every week we were tested on one or more of our subjects. Tests were used to help teachers ascertain our growth. 

I don’t remember when it started, but for some reason, our teachers began using the bell curve. It was a grading system used to provide fairness and while I still don’t understand it fully, here’s my take on it from what I remember way back then... 

We were given a math test. I have no clue whether it was over long division, fractions, or what but when the tests were taken up and graded, the teacher wasn’t pleased. Though some of the students aced the test, others didn’t. And though there were a good many students who would do fairly well, the teacher felt the need to grade on a curve. Since I was one of the students who didn’t do so well on that test, I was thankful. Being graded on a curve meant I didn’t fail and being the typical type A overachiever, perfectionist type person I have always been, failing would have devasted me back then. Some of my friends were grateful to have the bell curve system in place, too. Others felt it unfair because they’d studied hard and had excelled on the test. The teacher explained the grading process as she handed back our tests with both the original grade (the one we’d earned before being slipped beneath the bell) and the revised grade (the one that bumped us up a notch due to the average of all classroom grades for that test.) 

Thinking back on that today, I tried my best to understand how I would have felt if I’d been in that top category. Would I have felt it unfair to have a classmate who’d earned a failing grade be given leniency? I probably would have. I was raised old school – hard work pays off, you get what you deserve, a job well done should be rewarded…you know all those old euphemisms. 

And that’s when it hit, I’m so glad Jesus doesn’t grade on a bell curve. Yes, I just said that but keep reading. He is full of grace and mercy. He always wants the best for us, but He is also a just God. He’s given us free will to choose life or death. If we choose Him, we get that A+, well done good and faithful servant. If we don’t, we fail – we receive eternal damnation. There’s no middle ground, no second chances. 

How can we know how we’ll do on the ultimate test- the test of character and faith? The only way we can know is to understand we can’t ever pass the test on our own. Our own merits aren’t good enough. No matter how hard we try, we can never keep the 10 commandments. God knew that when He gave them to us, and that’s why He sent His Son, to die for our sins. Breaking the law requires payment and the only payment worthy of forgiveness and acceptance is the blood of Jesus Christ. 

But it’s super easy to make the grade. All you have to do is say yes to Jesus. Saying yes tells Him you agree that you’re not good enough to get into heaven on your own merits and you understand, He can’t let you slide in (no bell curve, remember!). We’re all going to be held accountable for our actions, so we need to make a conscious decision to accept the sacrificial gift Jesus gave us on the cross. When we do that, we also have to see our poor choices (sins) in the proper light. Breaking one of God’s laws (the 10 commandments) is the same as breaking all of them, according to the Bible. 

What would it have looked like for Jesus to give Himself completely for us to obtain righteousness if God had looked down on the cross from heaven and said, “Never mind, we’ll just let them all in, no matter what”? What kind of God would that be? One without standards, that’s the kind of God that would be. 

God created us to love, honor, and obey Him. He has and always will have absolute authority over us, but He gives us free will. We can follow His commands and learn His statues, or we can completely fail to do either. The choice is ours. 

Bell curves are probably still in use today in some schools, I really don’t know, but I can’t say I believe they’re a good thing. When I was in 6th grade, I thought they were pretty cool, now, not so much. I’m so glad God wants more for us that to let us ease into heaven by the skin of our teeth. I wouldn’t want a God Who didn’t want the very best for us, would you? 

Joshua 24:14-15 “Choose this day whom you will serve.”

2 Timothy 2:15, which reads: "Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth."

Acts 16:31 And they said, "Believe on the Lord Jesus and you will be saved, you and your household

Everyday Devotionals Bonnie Annis

Winter Blues

This is the time of year when many people suffer from S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) Basically what it means is that because of the shorter days, colder temps, and lack of exposure to sunlight vitamin D levels drop. This drop can cause feelings of depression/sadness. 

I'll admit, I've felt it this past week. It's been so cold outside we've stayed huddled up indoors. Doing so has limited our contact with others and that adds to feelings or isolation and depression. This is a hard thing to accept, especially when you're a person who enjoys being outside going and doing. 

There are ways to combat S.A.D. like installing special light bulbs in your light fixtures, but those can be expensive. What I've found works for me is taking time to sit near a window or door during the warmest part of the day. As I allow sunlight to filter down on me, I not only feel the warmth, I can bask in the light. Typically, I'll close my eyes and use that time to reflect on the good things God's done in my life, but sometimes, I just sit enjoying the peacefulness. And when weather permits, we'll get in the car and take a drive. Heading into the sun, I can soak up vitamin D as it pours in the front windshield, but that makes sunglasses a must! It can get awfully bright and my eyes are very sensitive. 

Visiting friends or family can also help when one is suffering from S.A.D. Just being around others helps shift focus and that's my plan for today. To shift from the winter blues into the coziness of happy. Love can do that. 

How do you cope with the winter blues? Do you distract yourself by doing something you love? Often I take time to pass the days by focusing on hobbies I enjoy - like painting, making jewelry, reading, or baking. It's important to find ways to pass the dark, gray days of winter. 

Before we know it, Spring will be here. That's when we begin to see new life, not only in plants around us, but also in ourselves if we look hard enough. God gave us seasons and I like to think He did it to keep us from being bored to death! It would stink if every day was a chilly winter one or even a blazing hot summer one. Variety is the spice of life and I definitely need it. How about you?

Snow day number 2!

We got our first snow of the year on Friday January the 10th and the second one began on the 19th as we were traveling. Snow in Georgia is not a common occurrence so whenever it happens, we either go crazy or love it. I'm in the latter category. I love seeing a beautiful white blanket of snow. It always makes me feel so peaceful and serene. While I don't enjoy the cold that goes with it, I do enjoy the beauty of it. 

It has been extremely cold here for the past few days and we have needed to drip our water to keep our pipes from freezing. This is not something we normally do, but if you've ever had a busted water pipe, you take precautions to prevent it from happening again. 

As I was perusing social media today, I was surprised to find several of my friends scattered across the country who have gotten more snow than ever expected for their area. One in particular lives in Pensacola, Florida. I was surprised to see that she had gotten 6 in of snow overnight. Another friend in Alabama posted that she had gotten 8 inches. The icy and snowy weather doesn't normally hit the southeastern United States, particularly in these areas. Even my daughter in Texas reported snow! 

There's an old wives tale that says if snow stays on the ground more than 3 days, it will snow again. I don't know if that's true or not but I'm going to check that theory out this year. 

We did take time to get out and enjoy the snow for a few minutes, but the wind chill factor made it unbearably cold. As we were walking in the snow, kept thinking about the poor people in North Carolina who are living in tents during this cold weather and also about those who live on the streets. Along with those two concerns, were my concerns for feral animals. I hate to think of any person or animal suffering terribly in cold weather. 

I've never been a cold weather person. My favorite seasons are Spring and Fall. It would be nice if the temperature could run around 70° all year long but that's just wishful thinking. I've often wondered if there's a state that actually is blessed to have that cozy weather pattern. I would certainly like to live in a place like that! 

I imagine, in the next several weeks, daffodils will start pushing up but I may be wrong. The seasons have certainly changed since I was younger. They're very unpredictable now, but that's just a sign of the times. The Bible says in the last days we won't know the seasons. I'm finding that to be true. 

Looking out the window, I can see the sun light glinting off of the snow. It looks like thousands of little diamonds sparkling. I'm thankful I can see it, but I'm glad I'm not out in it. I don't do so well with cold now that I'm older. 

A warm cozy fire in the fireplace sounds good for tonight as well as a mug of hot chocolate filled to the brim with little marshmallows. 

Seasons come and go and I'm thankful for that. It would get mighty boring if it was always Winter. 

I thank God gave us Winter to allow us to take a season of rest, that's why the days are shorter. Before we know it, Spring will be here and the cycle of life renewing will continue. I'm looking forward to that.

Celebrating a milestone in our family

This weekend we had the privilege of celebrating our great grandson's first birthday. It was a joyful event and we were so proud to be invited to be a part of it. 

It's hard to believe we're now great grandparents! Just saying that makes me feel so old! I never dreamed, when I had my first child at 19 that I'd have great grandchildren 49 years later, but I'm kind of glad I started my family early. Some people aren't great grandparents until they're close to 80 or 90. We're the lucky ones! At least we're still in possession of our mental faculties, that's a huge plus. 

I used to look at old black and white photos of family members when I was a child - you know, the ones with a dozen or more people in them? I marveled, as I looked at each face, how much each family member resembled another. I can see some of that in this photo, too. 

I don't think kids nowadays think about bloodlines much. I don't think they value the importance of family either, at least not in the way we did when I was growing up. We were brought up to revere our elders. We always said, "Yes, Ma'am or No Sir." Politeness mattered. These days it seems many of the younger generation take so much for granted with regard to their elders, and it's a shame. 

When I was growing up, I loved listening to the stories my elders shared. I wanted to learn about our family history and how I fit in. I wish the current and future generations would feel the same way. After all, we have to so much to share...if they'd only take an interest and take time to listen. 

I hope my grandchildren and great grandchildren will want to know more about me as they grow up. I have a great many stories to tell. 

 

The heaviness of stress

Have you ever felt like a deep sea diver in an old fashioned iron suit trudging across the depths of the ocean floor? Have you ever felt so heavy you could hardly breathe? If you have, you're probably bearing burdens you don't need to bear. I'm going to preach to myself today regarding these issues. 

When we allow toxic people into our lives, they can steal our joy causing us to feel smothered and burdened beyond measure. Without realizing it, we can let in unwanted pain and suffering. 

So what can we do when we're facing a situation like this? One of the best things I've found is to put up an invisible barrier. That may mean putting your phone on do not disturb, seeking at a place of refuge, or spending time in silence. 

Stilling your mind isn't always easy. In fact, for me, it's very hard work. Thankfully, my husband is my guardian. He knows when I'm overly stressed. He sees it on my face. He knows when my lip begins to tremble and the tears begin to flow, something is definitely wrong. Those are part of my pressure release valve. 

He's so good about watching out for me. When he sees me about to blow, he'll come and gently put his hands on my shoulders and tell me to stop what I'm doing. He'll encourage me to take a break and rest. I'm blessed that he cares. 

Some days are more difficult than others. But for some reason, it seems like the difficult days have been more prevalent this year. That's one of the reasons I'm going to tighten up my boundaries. I'm going to make use of my power to turn off my phone, unplug from social media, and do whatever necessary to destress. 

They say that high blood pressure is a silent killer but I believe stress can be lumped along with it. Stress can raise your blood pressure. Stress can cause emotional turmoil and physical illness. 

I heard someone say you have to protect your peace at all costs. That person was very wise. I'm doing my best to adopt that as a motto for this year. Hopefully I'll succeed.

At ease, soldier!

 Many of you know I have a grandson serving in the Army. Though he's fairly young, he achieved the rank of Captain late last year. Now he is in charge of over 200 soldiers. That astounds me. When I was 26, I couldn't imagine having that much responsibility.

I still see this grandson as a young boy, laughing and giggling playing silly games with his brothers. Back then, we had no idea what he'd do when he grew up but we certainly didn't think he'd be in a position of power.

As an officer, he can issue commands to his charges. In my mind's eye, I see him filing through a barracks gaining immediate salutes as the lower ranking soldiers show respect. And after walking about halfway through the rows of soldiers, I can just hear his voice calling out with authority, "Stand at ease, soldiers."

Stand at ease. We've all seen movies where the soldiers are given this command. Normally they assume a certain position that's more relaxed with arms behind their backs, thumbs interlaced, and right foot planted. Though allowed to stand in a more casual position, it doesn't mean the soldier is completely free to move about. It means they're to continue to give attention to the officer and be ready to act on demand if issued a command.

As I was thinking about this today, I was drawn back to a verse God continues to press into my heart - "Be still and know that I am God." As a visual learner, I have to relate the Army on Earth to the Army of God.

As believers, God is our Commanding Officer. Though He doesn't go around issuing orders right and left, He does give instruction to His followers and He wants us to obey them. Not because we're fearful of Him, but because we love Him and He loves us. He wants what's best for us.

Army officers understand the weaknesses of their underlings. Though soldiers are rigorously trained as they go through basic training, they need times of rest. It helps them maintain focus and be allowed to "breathe."

I have a hard time resting as I've shared in many of my devotional posts before. It's something I've struggled with for years. From the time I get up in the morning, until the time I go to bed, I'm going and doing.

My husband does his best to make me take rest breaks. While he knows I need them, he also knows I rarely heed his advice, much to my detriment.

This morning, after a quick protein shake, I got busy. I had two paintings to finish, some jewelry to make for a birthday present, cards to write, and a host of other projects. Before I knew it, it was 2 p.m. and time to make lunch. As we sat together, he reminded me again that I needed to take a break. I shook my head in agreement and promised I would after I'd cleaned my art room. It was in disarray from all the projects I'd tackled since Christmas. He told me he'd put the dishes in the dishwasher while I tidied up. That way, I could rest and read for a bit. It sounded like a good plan so off I went.

In my art room, I worked at a steady pace while talking to one of my girls on the phone. The time went quickly. On a table in front of me lay a piece of red oak I'd planned to make a wall hanging from. I picked it up and looked closely at the grain of wood. It was beautiful and I couldn't wait to get started.

As I pulled out my bag of polymer clays and all the tools that went with them, I heard a little whisper in my head, "At ease, soldier." I knew that voice well. It was the Holy Spirit. He was reminding me my time of busy-ness for the day was over.

Gently, I placed the wood back on the table. I stuffed the bag of clay supplies into the closet and said goodbye to my girl. In my heart, I knew I needed to give myself permission to rest. That was the majority of the problem. I was usurping the command of the General of the Armies - not a six star General, but One much higher than that.

After I finish this devotional, my behind is going to "fall in" to my soft leather recliner. I'm going to prop my feet up, pull out my book and have a cup of tea. I will rest today. I need it. God knew it. The Holy Spirit reminded me of it, and I will obey.

Have you ever heard a still, small voice in your heart or mind coaxing you to rest? If so, give yourself permission to do so. And don't just stand at ease, like the Army soldiers do, as they await their next command...come to a full rest. And see if there's something else your CO has to say to you.

In the meadow we can build a snowman...or not!

 

On Friday we got the most beautiful snow! I'd been waiting for it and when it arrived, I was thrilled. I love seeing those fluffy, white flakes fall from the sky. I was thankful the weather predictions were on target, they usually aren't when it comes to winter weather here, but this time, they did good! 

We were ready. We'd purchased a dump truck load of split red and white oak the day before in anticipation of the cold weather. My husband I worked hard to get all the wood stacked and covered. We couldn't wait to build our first fire of the season in our new house! Having a blazing fire on a winter's day was so comforting and we'd enjoyed many over the past years at our other homes. 

We'd also pulled out the antique glass lanterns, purchased new lamp oil and wicks. Power outages are common in this area when there's snow or ice and we didn't want to be off guard. 

We had a charcoal grill, charcoal and lighter fluid at the ready, too. If the power failed we'd need to salvage as much food as we could from our fridge and freezer. We'd learned from past experience how devastating it could be to lose a freezer full of food. Thankfully the last time that happened we'd saved our receipt and were able to be reimbursed by our insurance company minus our deductible, of course. 

We went to bed knowing we'd done the best we could do and were surprised to find 5 inches of snow! We hadn't expected that much! 

The white blanket looked so lovely in the moonlight as we stood on the front porch enjoying the view. It was so quiet and still. We looked for wildlife, but didn't see any. Normally, we have a herd of deer that come through. They're so gentle as they softly pad across the yard. But nothing was out, not even the neighborhood feral cat, Tommy. We were worried about him and hadn't seen him in days although we had prepared a warm place for him to rest and had been providing food for him for months. All we could do was pray for his safety.

Today, we're listening to constant dripping as our beautiful snow is melting! I'd built a tiny snowman on the front porch on Saturday because I wanted to feel like a kid again but it was too cold. Instead of doing a  proper one in the yard, I opted to make one atop a small table on the porch. I only worked on it for about 10 minutes and my fingers were frozen! 

I don't know how I managed, as a kid, to stay out in the snow for hours and hours, running and playing...having snowball fights, sledding, building snowmen or making snow angels. I must have had thicker skin then but I know I didn't have the warm down coat like I do now or the sturdy warm boots and gloves.

Back then, we slipped our sock feet into plastic bread wrappers and then into our rain boots to help keep our feet dry. I remember coming back in with no feeling whatsoever in my feet and having to sit for hours barefoot in front of our radiant gas heater until they thawed out again. Those were the days! 

They're predicting another round of wintry weather for this coming weekend. I don't know if I want to go through more of it but as long as it's not ice, I'll be happy. Ice on power lines and trees typically causes outages here. We really need to get a generator. It's on my "to do" list but it hasn't been done yet. They're so expensive.

The Serenity of Solitude

How I long for solitude, a day for myself, without interruption of any kind. But I never get it. If I could, right now, I'd be on a mountain top looking toward the sun. There would be complete silence. A soft breeze would caress my check and the warmth of the sun would kiss my face. 

I get so tired of noise. Daily, I'm bombarded by pings from my cell phone or the blaring from the TV. My mind struggles for peace. I crave it. 

And so, I isolate myself. It's a self imposed protective measure. And when I can't find a place to be alone, I slip in noise cancelling ear buds, a wonderful gift from my youngest daughter. She has no idea how they've helped me survive living in a house with a hearing impaired mate. 

I feel selfish today. I know I'm his world but sometimes, I feel smothered. He hovers and that's when I feel the need to escape. 

I love him with all my heart but we're so different. He thrives in the noise while I want to hide from it. 

What's wrong with me, I wonder? Things like noise never used to bother me and now they do. But it's not all noise that's the problem. It seems noise accompanied by words or unexpected sounds grate on me. 

Some sounds bring me solace - like the sound of gently rolling waves or the shrill of a hawk overhead. Instrumental music, played very low, helps, too. 

Day before yesterday it snowed and I knew I had to go outside. After several minutes, wrapped in cold, I felt it. The calm stillness I loved so. It's funny how a blanket of snow can muffle sounds and boy did it. I was so thankful. My soul was refreshed. They say silence is golden and I have to agree. It's more than a precious metal to me.

It's important to pinpoint the things that threaten our sanity, isn't it? And when we realize something's in need of attention, we must address it, even if it's something as insignificant as adjusting the volume.

Are you a season hopper?

 

Are you a season hopper? (I don't know if that's a real term, but it's one I made up for this post.) What's a season hopper, you may ask, I believe it's someone who lives from one season or holiday to the next. They get geared up for one and as soon as it passes, they're working on readying themselves for another. As they do, they often face a myriad of emotions. There's sadness at the passing of the last event and there's excitement or joy at the one coming. Why do we do this? 

 

I think commercialism has a lot to do with it. We are bombarded by "stuff" each time we shop. Take Hobby Lobby, for instance, it's one of my favorite stores but sometimes I don't like going in there. For example, on my most recent visit, all the Christmas items were on clearance and they already had Valentine's Day and St. Patrick's Day things out. Not only do I find all the seasonal items overwhelming, but sometimes I wonder why people feel compelled to buy those types of decorations every year. I'll admit, I used to do it, but not anymore. 

 

Before our last move, I took on a minimalist lifestyle. I gave away so many things it was unreal. And I didn't even realize how much I had to give away until I started doing it. What friends or family didn't want, I donated. Everything was in great shape, it's just I didn't want to feel encumbered by stuff anymore. But now that we're in our new home, I've noticed I'm accumulating again, little by little, my stuff is starting to regrow...

 

The Bible says in Matthew 6:19-21:

19 Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:

20 But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:

21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

Those verses speak volumes and remind us that whatever people value most will guide their actions and capture their hearts. It's a promise and a warning that people's values and priorities have a powerful influence on their inner lives. 

 

I don't want to be a season hopper wanting or needing to "keep up with the Joneses." So, I've made a decision (and this goes along with my impression to begin living more frugally that I shared in an earlier post) I won't be buying any more seasonal holiday decor. If I don't already have it on hand and can't come up with a way to craft it on my own, using materials I already have on hand, then tough! I'm sure I'll manage to move right on by without regret. 

 

Last night, as we were sitting around the fire watching a movie, I glanced around the room. I'd already taken down the Christmas decorations and had put everything back in place. From our open floor plan, I could see the foyer, the living room, our informal dining room, and the kitchen. In those rooms alone was a lot of "stuff." I liked my "stuff" and felt I'd done a good job at decorating my home to be not only welcoming to friends and family, but pleasing to my husband and I. That's when the thought hit...what if Jesus came back that night? Would I miss one single thing in my house? No! And as I looked at our blazing fire in the fireplace, I thought of the people in California who've lost almost all of their material possessions - what if I'd been one of those people who had to flee my home or lose my life? Would I have grabbed something material in haste? Yes, I'd have to say yes. But the only thing I'd have wanted would have been my Bible. It's got years and years of notes in it and is full of a lifetime of tears. But if there hadn't been time, I'd have left it knowing I could buy another at some point. The only thing that would really matter to me would be that my husband and I were able to escape danger and still have our lives. 

 

Yes, the holiday/seasonal decorations are pretty. They do often bring happiness and joy, but when they become burdensome, they need to go. You don't need that "stuff" to look forward to change in your life. 

 

One last Scripture for you - Proverbs 17:22 says, "A merry heart does good like a medicine: but a broken spirit dries up the bones." Happiness doesn't come from outward things, it comes from an inner contentment with the Lord. And when you have that, joy overflows from your spirit. And you don't have to spend a dime for that.

Snow, A Wig, and Remembering After My Breast Cancer Diagnosis

We were barely through with the first week of the New Year when the weather began to get ugly. Listening to weather reports, we were shocked to find we were in for the first snowfall of the year. In the South, we don’t get snow often so when weathermen say, “Get ready!” we do.

We bought a load of firewood, gathered oil lamps and oil, made sure we had some charcoal on hand in case our power went out and we needed a cooking source. Over the years, we’ve weathered several ice storms and even a blizzard or two. Though those aren’t regular occurrences in our area, they do come and when they do, people act crazy. They run to the store for bread and milk. They gas up their cars, just in case, and like us, many of them hunker down until the nasty, cold weather passes. But when it only snows here, it’s beautiful! Looking out the window at our yard covered in white is so peaceful and serene.

We weren’t expecting much snow, only a dusting, but instead we were surprised to get about 5 inches! Grabbing my coat, hat, gloves, and cell phone I practically shoved my husband outside to get a photo, but just as I was about to open the door, I realized my hair was a disheveled mess. I’d taken a shower the night before but had bed head hair and that wouldn’t make for a good photo. Rushing into my closet, I pulled down a pink box. Inside it was a beautiful, natural hair wig I’d purchased right after learning of my cancer diagnosis. From talking with other breast cancer survivors, I knew, with my stage and grade of cancer, I’d probably be going through chemotherapy and more than likely would lose my hair. I could hardly imagine what I’d look like without hair but knew it wouldn’t be pretty. So, I bought the wig. But I never used it.

After my initial diagnosis, I did a ton of research on treatment options – both traditional and non-traditional. I didn’t want to subject my body to more trauma than was necessary, so I spent a lot of time deciding what I was willing to do. After I’d made my decision, I shared it with my oncologist. He wasn’t very pleased with my decision, but that didn’t matter to me. I had to do what I thought best, after all, it was my body.

I shook out the wig and affixed it to the top of my head as best I could. Since I’d never worn it before, I wasn’t quite sure how to make it stay in place but kept it semi straight by plopping a knitted cap on top of it. My husband had already gone outside and was waiting for me. We’d planned a photo in front of our new house and the backdrop of the winter scene was perfect. Placing my cell phone into the selfie stick, I took several shots and then we were so cold, we ran back inside.

As I got ready to remove my winter attire, my husband said, “Is that a wig?” I laughed and replied in the affirmative. He asked where I got it and when, so I told him. He nodded and told me it looked nice.

I went into the bathroom to remove the wig and brush my real hair. Gently, I placed the wig back in its box for safekeeping and as I did, I was overcome with emotion. I was grateful I’d never needed the wig while undergoing treatment but knew several friends who’d opted for chemo and had either chosen to go bald or use head wraps. A couple of them had quite a collection of wigs and would wear them often, but some of them looked so fake I didn’t know how they did it.

Putting the wig box up on the shelf in my closet, I noticed my prostheses. I kept them in their storage boxes when I wasn’t using them. Another wave of emotion hit. I couldn’t help but remember when I’d first gone for a fitting for breast forms. I was utterly embarrassed and even a little ashamed. When I got home from that first appointment, I cried and cried. First, I was angry that breast cancer had entered my body and then, I mourned the loss of my breasts. They were part of me and though they’d never been large, I liked them. To me, they were my femininity.

It took a few minutes to collect myself and that’s when I realized how far I’d come since those first days, weeks, and months after diagnosis. I’d gone through a range of emotions and had finally come to a place of acceptance. Facing reality has taken a long time and if I’m honest, there are still some difficult days for me.

Breast cancer is not only a physical journey but an emotional one. My first thoughts, after hearing I had cancer, were those of fear and trepidation. I had no idea how things would go as I began treatment. I felt so unsure of my future. The next emotion was frustration as I did my best to make myself look normal. Without breasts, I often felt like a fake and a failure. I was so hard on myself thinking I should be stronger than I was. It was difficult to process all the ways cancer was changing my life, but over time, I think I’ve gotten to the point of being able to say I’ve finally made peace with the situation.

That wig will stay in my closet until I choose to bring it out again. It’s a beautiful one – a silvery gray shoulder length bob with bangs. It definitely is thicker than my thin hair and does make me look a few years younger than I actually do.

It might be nice to use the wig for special occasions. I should have worn it for my youngest daughter’s wedding last year, but I’d forgotten all about it. I’m sure I would have looked 100% better in the professional photos if I’d had it on, but they pictures turned out nice anyway.

Coping with emotions before, during, and after breast cancer are challenging. People deal with emotional turmoil in different ways. What I learned is that I had to take one emotion at a time and work through it. As I did, I realized many things about myself – that I was resilient, strong, determined, and eventually optimistic about my future.

Wearing the wig outside for the snow photo this morning was fun! None of the neighbors were out so they didn’t know I was wearing a wig under my hat. What I should have done is grab both the wig and the hat and thrown them into the air at the same time with an expression of glee on my face (just like Mary Tyler Moore used to do at the beginning of her television show -although she only threw a hat, not a wig.) And after tossing those into the air, I should have plopped down in the snow and made a snow angel. I haven’t done that since I was a kid, but I was afraid I’d managed to get down there I might not have been able to get back up. I’m a whole lot older now and my bones and joints don’t always want to do what I tell them to do.

A diagnosis of breast cancer is traumatic, challenging, frightening, and often unexpected. There’s no real way to prepare for a possible “what if” so I’d like to give one piece of advice as an 11-year survivor – give yourself grace. That’s the only way I’ve managed to get through each day. And it’s important to do things your way. If you want to buy a wig, do it! If you don’t, don’t. It’s okay. It really is okay.

Out of the mouth of babes

Today, I'm remembering a conversation I had with my oldest daughter about 10 years ago. At that time, I was shocked at what she shared. She'd been having a conversation with her oldest son (he's 18 now) when he looked up at her and said, "Mom, what will you do when you get old?" She thought about it for a few minutes and responded with an "I don't know." Then he said, "Will you be like Gigi (that's me)? Will you just spend all your days cleaning?" 

 

As she shared that with me, my first thought was to laugh. You know, out of the mouths of babes and all, but then I thought, what kind of legacy am I leaving for my grandchildren. Of course, this grandson has seen my house and knows it's always clean (yes, I'm a clean freak) but do I really want to be known as a Martha????

 

For those of you who don't know, I'm speaking of Martha in the Bible. Martha was one of the sisters of Lazarus, the man Jesus raised from the dead after he'd been in his tomb for four days. The other sister's name was Mary. 

 

Mary and Martha were very different. In the Bible, we're told after Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, Martha was inside being busy doing things to prepare a nice meal. She was probably focused on making sure everything was going to be just so while Mary, was more interested in hearing what Jesus had to say. Well, if you know the story, you know Martha got a little ticked off at her sister not helping her in the kitchen. So what does she do? She goes to Jesus and complains but she wasn't expecting the answer she received from him. He told her that Mary had chosen the better part. 

 

Martha probably walked away from Jesus with her head held in shame knowing what He'd said was the truth. Mary was sitting with the men at Jesus' feet learning profound truths while Martha was slaving away in the kitchen. 

 

Now Martha wasn't a terrible woman, someone had to prepare the meal, right? But her heart was not focused correctly. She was worried about all the tasks at hand and she was also frustrated and angry at her sister's lack of help. 

 

As I thought about what my daughter said about my grandson's question, I had to take a few minutes to regroup. Did he really think all I did every day was clean???? Hopefully not! But it made me realize, little eyes are watching. And they often see things we fail to see. What I'd rather him have said to his Mommy was, "Mom, when you get old, will you be a wise and godly woman like Gigi?" And of course, she would have answered, "I'd surely like to be." 

 

Out of the mouths of babes! You never know what they'll say. I'm thankful my daughter took time to share what she thought was a funny conversation with her son but to me, it was very thought provoking.

In our world, we'll always have the need for Marthas and Marys. But instead of deciding whether you want to be one or the other, why not try to be a little of both? Jesus said Mary chose the better part and isn't that what all of us want? 

 

As I wrap the cord of my vacuum cleaner up and get ready to put it away, I think I'll make a cup of coffee and sit down for a little bit with Jesus. We have a big conversation ahead. 

 

I hope this post has impacted you in a small way. Don't forget to seek the better part and don't forget to spread love. Jesus wants us to experience all there is from Him and it'd be best if we heed His advice. 

 

"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed-or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." (Luke 10:38-42)

Puzzling over puzzles

 

I hate jigsaw puzzles. I have no patience for them. Opening a puzzle box and seeing a 1000 or more pieces of jagged edge images unnerves me. Even though I can look at the photo on the box of what the completed puzzle is supposed to look like, I don't like seeing the loose pieces.My husband, on the other hand, loves them. He can sit for hours at a time working on finding just the right place for a specific piece. He tries to get me to join him in working puzzles, but I can't. I get frustrated too easily and after a few attempts at slipping a piece into place only to have it not fit drives me crazy. So much so that I want to dump the whole board and send the pieces flying. 

 

I bet you were shocked to read that, weren't you? You thought I was the most patient person in the world, didn't you? Normally, I am, but with puzzles, it's a different story. I want to see the finished piece, not the puzzle in tiny increments. 

 

And that's also true with my life. I like knowing the big picture. I like the certainty of the finished product. I have control issues, I'll admit that. And that's where God's working on me. 

 

This year has already started out with a bunch of messed up puzzle pieces. Some quick decisions have led to some regrets making me feel like a slipped a puzzle piece into the wrong space and have tried to force it to fit. 

 

As I prayed about it this morning, I dumped all my "puzzle pieces" into God's lap. I told him I knew we'd made some unwise decisions that had provided unexpected outcomes. And while I beat myself up over the shoulda, coulda, wouldas, God, in His Sovereignty, sat back quietly and listened. Then, I felt Him speak to my spirit, I work ALL things together for your good. 

 

All things... the screw ups, the quick decisions made without thinking and weighing consequences first, ALL things. 

 

After crying a big ugly cry, I felt Him cuddle me close and reaffirm it was going to be okay.And I know it will be. 

 

He's already moved some big puzzle pieces into place by putting some very godly people into my life. These people have already begun to allow God to use them to minister His love to me. God is and has been moving specific puzzle pieces of my life into place for a very long time. As I learn to trust Him completely in the process, that puzzle, my life's story, is going to wind up being a beautiful picture!

 

It's not easy to walk by faith instead of walking by sight, especially for a visual learner like me, and I think God knows that - He created me, after all! 

 

I hope my honesty has given you some food for thought. 

 

If you're dealing with your own frustrations over the future or even current life events, remember, God is the Great Puzzle Master. He has a good and perfect plan for your life. He will move the puzzle pieces into place at just the right time and they'll always fit perfectly. There will be no forcing!

 

God gives us free will. We can either choose to allow Him to be in control of our "picture" or we can try to put it together ourselves. If we try to slip the pieces together on our own, it may take a lot of time and effort to get them into place and even when we do, we're sure to make a few mistakes along the way. 

 

Perhaps you love puzzles and have no issues sitting for hours working on them like my husband does. Kudos to you! But remember, cardboard puzzle pieces are vastly different from the people, places, and events that make up the puzzle of our lives. Trust God to guide those into place. Every single day and save yourself some trouble. 

 

2025 Note to Self

Dear Bonnie, 

This is the 7th day of the New Year and it's time to take a quick look back before marching forward. 

Do you remember when you had your first brush with death? The year was 1970 and your gallbladder burst. You were only 13. Gangrene was coursing through your body as the surgeon worked quickly to remove that organ. You were in the hospital for over a week and went through an entire year of medical treatment afterward to survive. During that time, you grew to understand what true physical pain felt like for the first time in your life.

In 1990, you had your second brush with death when you were involved in a serious motor vehicle accident. Your right leg was almost severed. After a radical surgery, a week in the hospital and treatment you went home in a wheelchair, physically and emotionally broken. Your marriage had fallen apart, you had 4 young children to raise alone, and you were devastated. You were unable to walk for over a year. The doctors thought they were going to have to amputate your leg due to multiple staph infections and lack of bone growth. But God intervened. When you reached out to the pastor of your little country church and asked the deacons to come anoint you with oil and pray over you, they did. It was the first time they'd ever done that and weren't quite sure how to go about it, but all of you had faith and God used that experience to draw you closer to Himself.

In 2014, you had your third brush with death. You were diagnosed with breast cancer. Quickly, you realized the seriousness of the situation and learned you had to make a lot of tough decisions. But your faith was strong, never did you doubt God had allowed the cancer into your life. You didn't know it then, but learned later He would use it for His glory. 

In the middle of August 2024, you had your fourth brush with death. Right after surgery to repair a hiatal hernia, your bowels shut down. You'd developed an ileus, a life threatening condition. You were rushed to the emergency room, kept overnight, and then transported to Atlanta for a week long hospital stay there as doctors worked hard to get you well enough to go home. 

A month later, you were rushed to the ER with tachycardia. Your blood pressure was sky high and your heart was beating out of rhythm. It was touch and go, but the doctors got you stabilized the following day and sent you home.  Then, the same thing happened again about 6 weeks later!

Over and over again, you've faced various trials but God has allowed you to live. Sometimes you've felt like a cat with 9 lives, wondering when the next event might take you out and this has caused extreme anxiety, but God's always been there. In your heart, you've known God must have a special purpose for not only allowing you to go through these things, but keeping you safe and letting you live through and past them! You have grown to understand His hand of favor is upon you.  

Bonnie, the Bible says our lives are like a vapor, here today and gone tomorrow. God created us for His glory. We have a job to do while we’re here and that’s to spread His love to others.
Every day as you wake, be sure and thank God for allowing you to see another day. Life is a gift, a very, very precious gift. 

As you go through the rest of this year, remember these things. Hide them in your heart and consider them carefully. No one knows what tomorrow holds, but you know WHO holds all your tomorrows. 

Many blessings to you, my sweet self. Keep your eyes toward the Son. He's got you.

One cuppa, that's all it took!

My stars, am I tired! This day has been so busy and to think, it started with one small cup of coffee. 

I don't know what it is, but caffeine gives me so much energy I shouldn't ever drink it. When I do, it's like I'm a 78 record spinning faster and faster on the turntable (yeh, I'm that old!) 

I didn't realize how tired I was until I sat down to post and now that I'm seated, my body is saying, "What the heck is wrong with you???!"
After making breakfast and having that cuppa this morning, I kicked it into overdrive. I mopped the floor, did a load of laundry and dishes, baked 3 loaves of bread, made Valentine's day cards, painted a canvas, took care of some business matters - scheduling doctors' appointments, checking on vacation plans, message some friends, wrote to my prisoners (I'm part of a prison ministry), took some photos, read my Bible and a devotional book, and as soon as I sat down to take a breather, a friend called and kept me on the phone for over an hour. 

When I looked at the clock, I realized my only goal on this cold, winter's day was to rest and read. Did that happen? No! I have so many books in my TBR pile (to be read) that I want to knock out this year and I'm finding that it's more difficult to do leisure reading than just about anything because I just don't sit still long enough to do it. 

Hubby tells me all the time that we're getting old and we can't keep pushing ourselves like I've done today, but ever since I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2014, something inside my brain changed. Every day when I get up it's like I have to use up every minute of the day. Maybe I'm afraid to relax for fear of missing out on doing something I feel I need to do, I don't know. All I know is it's exhausting. 

My word for the year is surrender. (I used an app through Dayspring that helps you find your focus word each year.) When I got that word, I was like, "Really, Lord? Haven't I dealt with this in the past?" But I guess I haven't because everywhere I turn lately, I'm being reminded of the need to be still. Being still has always been hard for me. I don't know why unless I'm an undiagnosed person with ADD or ADHD. In either case, this is something I need to address this year because I've noticed I go pretty hard from 6:00 AM til about 4:00 PM and then I peter out. 

I guess the word surrender was perfect for me. But why is it so hard to do that? Why do I have work at surrendering? 

When I think of the word surrender, I think of old cowboy and indian movies. In those shoot 'em ups, when a group surrendered, they'd raise a white flag to indicate defeat or submission. I guess I'm still in the process of kicking against the goad, as the Bible says. I need help. 

Lord, please help me realize I don't always have to be going or doing. Please help me learn to surrender. Please show me how to do it and slow me down so I can actually find time in the day to enjoy myself. 

My husband has no problem at all sitting and watching something on TV. He never stresses or worries. On the other hand, I'm completely the opposite. I guess that's why God matched us up. My husband helps ground me. He encourages me to take breaks but he never demands it. He sees when I start to grow weary and reminds me it's time to quit whatever I'm doing and just be still, but I rarely listen. I push myself so hard until sometimes I get so stressed out I end the day in tears. 

I've found tears to be a wonderful emotional release. I don't like to cry but sometimes I do, especially when I'm overtired. 

And that's why I write so much. Writing is cathartic for me. It helps me process my emotions and feelings. It also helps me unwind and whether you believe it or not, it helps me relax. 

In my mind, I'm throwing up a white flag right now. I'm physically exhausted and mentally drained. So I'm going to go make myself a cup of tea (decaf!) and get my book. I'll plop down in the recliner and do my best to chill at least for one hour. Setting small goals may help me learn to rest for longer periods of time. 

Speaking of rest, I don't sleep well at night either. My brain never shuts off. That's why I have to take prescription medication to fight insomnia. This has been going on for the past 11 years. It's not something I enjoy admitting, but it's the truth. Oh woe is me...I need to learn to surrender. Indeed I do. 

I did take a few minutes to enjoy watching a flock of Red-winged blackbirds in our backyard earlier. While I stood at the window watching them look for food, I marveled at their quick movements. They were working hard and staying busy, just like me, but they were doing what they were designed to do - feast and fly. I love seeing them each winter, that flash of red on their wings as they fly excites me. I also love how they flock in large groups but as they fly away, I know sooner or later they'll land and rest. They'll do it because God wired them that way. I need to take a lesson from them and do the same. I know I'm not wired to go 90 mph all the time. Staying in the fast lane is tough, no it's ridiculous. If I don't take time to slow down, I'm going to burn out and the burn won't be slow. That scares me.

Sneak attack

 

Today's been one of "those" days, a day when it seemed Satan was on the prowl in our household big time. Any and everything that could go wrong did but we knew why. 

 

Have you ever had one of those days? A day when you purpose in your heart to start the day out right worshiping God and focusing on Him and then WHAM! Out of nowhere a huge trial came your way? I've had it happen many times in the past and that's why, as soon as today's issue began, I could tell it was spiritual warfare. 

 

As believers, it's important for us to know and understand the wiles of the devil. The Bible says he prowls about like a roaring lion. And if you've ever watched National Geographic episodes on nature and have seen some of those African plains, you know lions are cunning. They often lie in wait hidden behind clumps of tall stalks of grass seeking the perfect prey. Normally, in nature, they choose the weak or lame animals- the most vulnerable, and Satan does the same. That's why I think God used that reference for us as a help to understand if we're not ready when the attacks come, we'd best be ready to fall. (But remember, not everything is a spiritual attack, you know, but many things are. That's why discernment is so important. When we understand how the devil operates and when he's liable to launch a sneak attack we can face our foe with strength and might.) 

 

So what do we do when things go haywire? We have to turn to God. The Bible tells us He is our stronghold in times of trouble. We can run to him and take refuge under His wings. That should bring us peace and comfort. 

 

As I was thinking about that today, I remember Psalm 46:10 “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth”. 

 

Why do you think God tells us to be still? I think it's in the stillness we can breathe, rest, and remember Who is in control and that my dear friend isn't us, even though we may like to think we're in control of most aspects of our lives. 

 

I made this little post it note for myself but I'm sharing it here for you, too. As you read it, be sure and start by focusing on Who God is- the Almighty One, Our Creator, The Lover of our souls...and when you get to the bottom of the note, don't pass up the word Selah. That word means pause and calmly think of that. It means to ruminate like a cow chewing its cud. (They have 9 stomachs you know and after they eat, the process it over and over again until it's ready to be digested!) Do that with Psalm 46:10.