Sensory Overload and the Decision to Fast from Facebook

 

This morning, I had the wild idea to check and see how long I've been on Facebook. I found out I've been on there for 15 years! That's insane! How did that time past so quickly and how valuable has all those days been to me, really??? The more I thought about it, the more I realized I've thrown away that precious time looking at and reading things that didn't matter. 

How in the world have so many of us become addicted to social media? The only thing I can figure is that we need to feel like we belong. For those of us who don't live close to family, it's a great way to stay connected but many times, I find myself wondering why I allow Facebook to steal time away from me as I peruse meaningless dribble. 

So much of what I see on FB I've seen thousands of times before. People repost the same things over and over again and it makes me crazy! 

I've tried to use my social media site for a ministry tool sharing daily devotionals and other things I hope will uplift someone's spirits. Often, I overshare, but that's just me. I'm pretty much an open book. Maybe that's why I'm feeling the need to take a step back for a while. Maybe I need to refocus. 

So I've decided to be off FB for at least a month if not longer. It will be interesting how the withdrawal goes. I'll keep you posted. 

Thankfully, I still have my blog where I can download information if I choose to. As Danny Devito says in Throw Mama from the Train, "A writer writes, always." That's been my motto since I was born I think. I don't know if I could live if I didn't have the ability to record my thoughts either on paper or on this blog. Writing is an integral part of my life and always will be. If you're a writer, you understand. If not, oh well...I'm sure you have some other vice you'll claim helps you survive in this crazy world. 

Flatties unite

 Find your tribe they said. Okay. So where do I find a tribe of flat chested women? And where do I find ones who had no say in the matter? Facebook! Yeah. That's where. 

So I started looking for my tribe and found a group called Flatties. Cute. And appropriate. These would be my people. 

I submitted a request to join and answered the questions. Apparently, I passed the test. They let me in. Now I have a group of women who understand what it's like to go through life without breasts - thanks cancer. 

Of course, the choice wasn't only up to cancer. Yes, it was the cause behind the choice but the choice not to reconstruct was ours. We had that power. We were smart. We had considered all options. We chose freedom from more surgeries and the possibility of more infections and more pain. 

So what if our chests are scarred? At least we're still here. We are alive and we are strong. 

We wouldn't be human if we didn't have our moments of weakness, though. We'd be liars to admit we don't wish things had been different. Sure, we mourn our loss at times. And yes, we cry. A lot. Who wouldn't? 

Becoming breastless is tragic. The emotional, physical, and spiritual pain behind it is unexplainable but those who've experienced it understand. Yes, I need a tribe. 

In the group, I find women who are unashamed of posting photos. Their bare chested shots don't shock me. In fact, I find them quite brave. At least they're willing to take a risk - to prove cancer couldn't take all of them. I'm proud to call them friends, albeit virtual. 

There are days I don't like myself much. When I look in the mirror, I see ugliness, disfigurement, flatness. But, then I remember. The choice to be flat was mine. I could have chosen the route of breast reconstruction. I could have allowed the doctor to slice chunks of fat off my body and sew them in place upon my chest forming mounds of fake breast tissue that may or may not have survived. Tissue that doesn't survive is called necrotic. And when it dies, it has to be removed immediately. 

Reconstruction is a long, drawn out process and one I didn't care to participate in. Yes, I could have been a medical fake, a fraud, the great pretender...but I chose not to do so. I chose to let others see what breast cancer took from me. It took parts of my body but did not take the whole. I am still here. I am alive and I am proud of that.

Change, she's a comin'

Inauguration day is tomorrow and the whole world will be watching as Donald J. Trump takes the oath of office. It's definitely going to be an historic day. I'm not big into politics so I haven't been monitoring the news on a daily basis, but I've been surprised at the number of elected officials who've decided to boycott the ceremony. And that's all I'm going to say about that. There is an electricity in the air and you can definitely feel a change coming.

I learned a hard lesson today. You'd think I would know better than to post my personal opinion about anything on Facebook, but suffice it say live and learn. I made a comment about the election and referred to a scripture found in the Bible admonishing us to honor our king....boy, did I get a lot of responses to that post. Some of them were positive and some were negative. But you know what they say about opinions...everyone has one. It always amazes me how family members react and reminds me I need to choose my audience a little more carefully in the future for fear of upsetting some of the "more delicate" folks.

Facebook used to be one of my main avenues for connecting socially with others. Since moving to the boondocks, I don't see or hear from family much. If I wanted to know what was going on in their lives, I'd jump on the computer and check out their feeds...that is, until I started being added to their restricted lists. I certainly wasn't snooping, I just wanted to know how they were doing and what milestones they were celebrating in their lives, but sometimes there's too much drama to suit me so I decided to limit my exposure. I don't need added stress in my life.

Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I turn to my health issues. I've been doing fairly well other than suffering from insomnia, depression, fatigue and pain. Those are the big ones that can take you down in a hurry if you let them. Since things had gotten worse instead of better for the past few months, I called the oncologist. I knew I needed help. He suggested I take Ambien for the next month to get my sleep cycle back on track. He's offered it to me in the past and I'd tried it a night or two but didn't want to get dependent on anything. It's been a long time since I've had a good night of sleep so I'm willing to try it. He also suggested I try something for the constant pain. I'm hesitant but I trust him. Something has to give. I just want to feel better.

This afternoon, as I was looking outside, I noticed the Bermuda grass greening up. Our weather has been so unpredictable lately, I guess the grass thinks Spring is just around the corner. We haven't really had a hard winter but that doesn't mean anything until the end of April. Our area is notorious for ice storms in March and April. I'm looking forward to Spring. Warm weather, lots of sunshine, and beautiful flowers are just what I need to cancel out the S.A.D. (seasonal affective disorder) that comes with these gray days. I love change and I'm ready for it. Any minute I expect to see daffodils pushing up through the dirt. Change is coming not only in nature but in our lives as Americans, you can bank on it.


Click here to listen to "A Change is Coming" by Leroy Bell