Journey Out of Pink

The skies are gray and the clouds are pregnant with rain. I look out through barren tree limbs and see tiny buds of green. All of nature seems expectant, ready to burst into bloom and I feel the same. It seems for months I've been in a holding pattern, a season of rest. For those who know me, this is unnatural. I am usually in a constant state of motion, perpetually busy but for some reason and in this season, I am not. Oh, I have been feeding my mind but does that really count as busy? Reading massive amounts of books and pecking out reviews seems trivial. What is God up to, I wonder. Why am I in this strange and unfamiliar season of life and why now? Am I supposed to be learning some valuable life lesson? Am I being prepared for some new trial? There are too many questions and not enough answers, so I wait...expectantly. I remember when I was pregnant with my first child. I was young and giddy. As I watched my body change and grow, I could barely contain my joy. Just the th

Oh what a lovely day it's been. The sun has been shining, the birds have been singing and all is right in the world...well, in my world anyway! It's rare to have a day when I feel as good as I do today, so I'm going to gloat in it for a bit. I'm extremely thankful for a good day. There's nothing better than feeling good both physically and mentally. It amazes me how much people take good health for granted but as soon as they lose it, they understand how valuable good health really is. For me, most of the past two years and 7 months have been filled with pain so you can imagine how happy I am when I have a pain free day. In fact, I felt so good today that I washed and folded two loads of laundry, I vacuumed my entire house, I loaded and unloaded my dishwasher, put dinner on in the crockpot, and even put on the backpack blower and ventured outside to blow off the driveway, walkways, and the patio! I read two books, wrote an article for a publication on breast ca

In two weeks I'll see the oncologist again. For the past couple of years, it's been an ongoing thing. When cancer comes into your life, so do the doctors, and the nurses, and the labs...and while all these repetitive visits get to be a royal pain in the rear, they're a necessary evil. The doctors just want to keep tabs on things. They want to make sure cancer isn't trying to rear its ugly head again. And even though I'd rather not be continually poked and prodded, I know it's for my benefit so I suck it up and deal with it. I've learned it's important to keep a positive attitude. One of the best ways I've found to stay positive is to begin each day by being thankful. I spend the first minutes of every day being grateful for all of God's blessings in my life. Gratitude helps me get things in perspective and keep them there. Attitude is everything. It's hard to stay in a positive frame of mind when things in our lives aren't in our cont

How can a six letter word wreck your life in a heartbeat? You might not think it could, but I assure you it can. When I heard the word CANCER, my life, as I knew it, was turned upside down and inside out. I knew from that point forward nothing would ever be the same. It’s been 984 days since I received my initial diagnosis and it still feels like it was yesterday. I can still feel – …the crispness of the white paper underneath my legs while sitting on the exam table …the weakness in my knees as I walked out to my car …the wetness of tears staining my cheeks as I cried all the way home …the tremor in my voice as I shared the news with my husband …the icy cold gel poured onto my breast as the ultrasound tech prepared to test …the horror at seeing the mass on the screen …the sharp needle piercing my skin as the first biopsy was taken …the excruciating pain radiating across my chest after surgery …the uncomfortable pulling from dangling drainage bulbs at my side

Yeah. I did that funky title on purpose with the lower and upper case letters. I wanted to draw your attention to the word INSOMNIA, did it work? And you may be wondering how I can be coherent enough to even blog today but that's the thing...my brain never stops working. That's partially the reason why I can't sleep. I can't figure out how to turn off the thoughts. There's nothing like tossing and turning all night long trying to get comfortable enough to drift off to dreamland. It's challenging to even climb into bed when you know you won't find relief. This morning, my husband could tell it'd been a rough night for me. When he left for work, he could see me huddled at the foot of the bed with all my pillows trying to find a position conducive to sleep. I'm sure he wondered what in the world I was doing at the foot of the bed but I was trying to find something that worked. Part of the insomnia is the result of coming off of Ambien cold turkey. M

Well, it's finally over. The big Superbowl game we'd all waited for has come and gone. It was a great game and had me biting my nails through much of it, but I'm glad it's over. My husband takes football so seriously. I felt so sad for him last night as the game went into overtime and his hopes of the Falcons winning were dashed. He'd watched the game so intently, commenting on every play and making sure I understood every call and things like 2 point conversions. He wanted me to get the full experience and get into it as much as he did, but I couldn't. I was sick. I'd been sick for the past several days with a sore throat, muscle aches, and fever. When you don't feel well, it's hard to cheer and get excited over a sporting event, but I tried. I even made him a bunch of junk food to help him feel like we were having a little party. I gave it my best shot but really, I was just thankful to sit in the recliner covered up with my big, furry blanke