Necessity is the mother of invention

Greek philosopher, Plato, once said, "Necessity is the mother of invention." Though I've heard that saying since childhood, I never truly understood it until I became a teen. That's when I realized if I needed a solution to a problem, I could usually find a way to fix it. I've employed many techniques through the years to meet my needs, most of which have involved my love of crafting. 

This morning, as I was unpacking from our recent move, I came across a set of hand crocheted breast forms. I'd ordered the forms about 9 years ago from an organization called "Knitted Knockers." The organization was formed to help survivors of breast cancer and other breast surgeries with free breast substitutes. Volunteers made the forms by crocheting or knitting breast forms that could be filled with polyester fiberfill. The forms could be easily adjusted to fit the recipient's needs by either adding or removing the amount of fiberfill in each form. It was a wonderful concept, and I really liked the fact that the volunteers were willing to give their time and energy for such a worthy cause. 

Breast prostheses are very expensive, especially the silicone ones. Even with insurance, the forms can run hundreds of dollars. When my husband was working, it wasn't a problem but since he's retired, I've had to become more cost conscious. 

Finding the forms in my drawer was a blessing, but I remembered there had been a problem with them when I initially ordered them. The polyester fiberfill was so lightweight, the forms weren't heavy enough to weigh my bra down. That meant, with any movement, the bra would ride up and the forms wouldn't be in their proper place. Instead of being on my chest, where they should rightly reside, they would end up just beneath my collar bone and sometimes, under my chin! 

In the past, I did try to find a way of weighting the forms, so they'd stay put. But nothing I tried worked well. I tried marbles, I tried birdseed, I tried Play-Doh stuffed into plastic baggies and tucked beneath the fiberfill. Besides being uncomfortable against my chest, the forms continued to shift and move. 

But today, I had a new idea. 

An older friend had given me a large bag filled with black beans. She'd received them from a government assistance program for those on fixed incomes. Since I don't usually cook dried beans, I'd let the bag sit in my pantry for a couple of years. I figured one day, I'd make the effort to cook them, but never did. Since they were that old, I assumed they wouldn't be good to cook and eat, but they might just be good for something else. 

Taking the crocheted forms from my bedroom, I went into the kitchen and removed the fiberfill. It only took a couple of minutes to pull the stuffing out and pop it into the trashcan. I looked carefully at the forms. They'd been masterfully crafted and the volunteer who'd made them had even sewn on a small protective flap that could be tucked into the top of the form to hold in the contents. 

With the flap up, the bag of beans on the counter, and a box of Ziplock bags, I got busy. I tried to guess how many beans to put in each form to make them even but also constitute the typical B cup I'd been before surgery to remove my breasts. It was nearly impossible to do it without a funnel. After spilling beans all over my kitchen floor, I took a few minutes to think. There had to be a better way. 

I found a small plastic measuring cup that I used for measuring liquid Tylenol for my grandchildren. I emptied out one form and guestimated how many cups of beans I'd need. 8 tiny measuring cups seemed about right so I put that exact amount in the plastic bag, zipped it up, and tucked it in the breast form. Then I did the same for the other form. Placing a form in each hand, I weighed them against each other. They felt perfect!

I cleaned up my mess and took the forms into my bedroom. Pulling out a mastectomy bra, I slid a form in each of the breast pockets. Lifting the bra, I could tell the weight was sufficient and felt very similar to my silicone forms. 

Slipping the bra on, I fastened the hook and paid attention to how the bra felt. It didn’t' feel lumpy or uncomfortable. In fact, it felt much more comfortable than my old silicone forms. Hmm...maybe I was on to something. 

Looking into the top of my pantry, I noticed several other bags of dried beans. I had green and red lentils, Pinto beans, Navy beans, and Chickpeas. Maybe the lentils would have been a little better than the black beans, but since I eat lentils fairly often, I didn't want to waste them on the homemade boobs, plus, it would have taken much more of the lentils to fill up each form. 

I think my invention is pretty good. The plastic will keep the beans from sprouting with the heat of my body against them and keep them from escaping barring bumping into something sharp. The zipper on the bag should hold well, unless I failed to press it properly when sealing, so I should be good at least for a few months before I need to do a self-check. 

Bean boobs, ha! How funny! Necessity is definitely the mother of invention, but you could also say survivors find ways of making things work especially since many things related to cancer are so expensive. 

I'm not ashamed to admit I did this. I'm sure there are others out there who are more inventive than I am. Maybe I'll discover an even better process in the future, but until then, my pantry will be my go to source. My pantry is normally full, too. I'm a prepper at heart. But prepping doesn't just revolve around food, water, and survival items like that. Women who've endured double mastectomies know we only have two choices - to go flat or to wear prostheses. I go flat most days, but when I want a little projection, beans work pretty well. When innovation meets creativity, you never know what might happen!

The Power to Choose

Size c prosthesis and bra

Having both breasts removed was extremely difficult for me, but amid all the negatives accompanying breast cancer and surgery, there have also been some positives. I’d like to share one of those positives with you today. I’m hoping I won’t offend anyone. I’m sharing this with my tongue in my cheek because after all, we do need to look for some humor along our journey, don’t we? I don’t know about you, but I get tired of all the seriousness of breast cancer in my life. I’ve started looking for some more light hearted moments and today, I found one!

It was time for my check up with the oncologist. I’d made my appointment for the earliest part of the day because that’s when I’m most energetic. I wandered into my walk in closet and selected the clothing I’d wear to the appointment. I tried to find something lightweight and cool. After making my selections, I lay my clothing across the bed while I went into the bathroom to shower. I dried off and prepared to dress. Since having my surgery, I always start with the lower half of my body because the top half usually takes a little more time to get ready. Wiggling into my pants, I began to think about the day. I wondered what the Doc would have to say and what tests he might run. Finally, the bottom half of me was ready and I shifted my focus to the top half. I’d already picked out a blouse but hadn’t chosen a bra or prostheses yet. Smiling to myself, I suddenly realized I had the power to choose and not just the power to choose a bra, but the power to choose the size of my boobs!

The insurance company allows me to have a new set of prostheses every two years. When I chose my first pair of prostheses, I chose the smallest pair available. I’d always been small chested so why would I even think about choosing a bigger size, it would be unnatural…well, sort of. The fitter at the boutique advised me to remember my scars were fresh and my wounds were tender. She thought my choice of a smaller, lighter weight boobs was best. I was proud of my little size A fake boobs and took them home with care instructions. The majority of the time, I didn’t even wear them unless I was going out in public. It was more comfortable to remain flat chested at home. Two years passed quickly and I got excited when I found it was time for an upgrade. I returned to the boutique and asked the fitter to help me find a more substantial set of boobs. She asked my preference, B, C, D. I thought for a few minutes and picked a happy medium. I’d always wanted to be a C and now was my chance. After trying them on for size, I was overjoyed and left with my new bosoms.

In my chest of drawers were two sets of pink zippered cases. Inside each of these little round cases were my prostheses. In the top drawer were my little size A boobs. In the drawer just below it were my size Cs. Decisions, decisions. Did I want to wear the smaller, more comfortable boobs or did I want to really stand out and wear the heavier size Cs? I had the power to choose! I opened the cases for both sets of prostheses and lay them on my bed. I pulled out a size A bra and a size C bra. I stood staring at the boobs for a few minutes and decided today was a size C day! As I slid my C boobs into the bra a big ol’ Cheshire grin crossed my face. Cancer had taken so much away from me but now I got to choose. It was a really little choice, but it was mine nonetheless.

It’s so hard to deal with a post cancer body image. The scars and after effects of chemo and radiation leave such permanent marks on our bodies. Just knowing we have a tiny bit of power to choose how we look is amazing! I’m so thankful I was able to choose between two different sizes of prostheses and believe me, there’s a huge difference between size A and size C prostheses! HUGE!

Sum, Sum, Summertime!

Ah, the wonderful days of Summer! How I love them, especially when they're spent at the beach! For the past week, I've basked in the warmth of the beautiful Florida sun, felt the balmy ocean breeze upon my cheek, and let the cares of the world slip far, far away. It was a lovely time to relax and refresh but now that I'm back, I can't help but think of how things would have been so very different had this trip been made before my surgery.

One thing I really enjoy while on a beach vacation is getting in the water. It doesn't really matter whether it's pool or ocean water, I just love the water. This year, I didn't get in the water one single time. The reason may seem prideful and silly, but I just didn't relish putting on a bathing suit without having breasts to fill it out. I knew I'd look like a freak of nature with two hollowed out cavities in the chest wall of my suit. The only way to remedy that would have been if I'd had prostheses specifically made for use in swimming but I didn't have any of those. I thought about trying to wear the microbead forms I'd made earlier this year, but was afraid if I lay back in the water to float one of those little babies might escape and drift off out to sea. As much as it hurt, I just accepted the fact that I wouldn't be in the water on this trip.

Even though I was unable to be in the water, I was still able to enjoy myself on our trip. I was extremely thankful I'd thought to make the lightweight breast forms from the microbeads. If you didn't read about that adventure, you can click here and get yourself up to date.) While they were lightweight and didn't cause me to sweat like my regular prostheses, they did create a few problems. The microbead forms were constantly shifting in my mastectomy bra. I found myself having to reposition them quite often and every once in a while, I'd find them practically right underneath my chin. How embarrassing to have to turn around and push the "girls" down and force them to return to their native resting place. With them being so lightweight I was unaware they were rising until I felt a little nudge under my chin. My family got a good laugh out of my traveling boobs but I did not. It was frustrating to have them constantly moving instead of staying put like their silicone sisters did.

Next year, I'm going to invest in a pair of swimmer's boobs (technically that's not what they're called but I kind of like that terminology so I'm going to stick with it). I've done some research and have found they're not too terribly expensive. They are very different from my regular everyday silicone breast forms. The swimmer's boobs are hollowed out inside. I don't really know the reasoning behind that, perhaps it's to allow water to fill them and help keep them in place while they're inside the bodice of a bathing suit. I'll feel a little more secure knowing I have breast forms that are safe to wear in the pool, ocean, or hot tub and hopefully, I won't have to worry about a rogue breast form escaping from my suit and drifting away from me.

Summertime presents many challenges for women who've had their breasts removed. It's important for us to be able to look and feel as normal as possible while being comfortable at the same time. Mastectomy swim forms and mastectomy swimming suits are available. There are many sites from which to choose. Searching on a web browser using the words "mastectomy swimming form" or "swim form" will yield a number of results for breast forms that are suitable for use in the water. Also, using the words "mastectomy swim suit" or "mastectomy bathing suit" will produce results for various types of swimsuits with built in pockets for prostheses.

These are some of the sites I've checked out. Hopefully they'll help you, too, if you have special needs like I do. There's no reason for breast cancer to keep us from doing the things we love to do, so be courageous and get out there!
Mastectomy Shop
TLC
The Pink Bra
Amoena

bonnie annis all rights reserved

A little ingenuity

They say "necessity is the mother of invention" and I believe it's true. I couldn't help but think of this saying as I began packing for our upcoming trip to the beach. Beaches mean swimming and swimming means you need a bathing suit and what am I going to do? Number one, I don't have a bathing suit because I don't like to wear them in public and number two, I don't know how you swim with prostheses....The more I thought about it, the more concerned I became and the more I realized I had to come up with a solution. I'm sure they sell prosthetic breast forms made specifically for swimming but I don't have any of those and I'm sure they're very expensive. I bet I can come up with something, I thought to myself and then I got an idea.

My daughter and I were out shopping. We were perusing the aisles of T.J.Maxx for items we needed for our trip. As we went down the women's clothing aisle, we passed one of those U shaped neck pillows. Someone had apparently laid it down in the wrong place because it didn't belong with the women's pajamas. I picked it up and looked at it. The fabric was covered in red hearts and it was a cute print. I held it in my hands and marveled at how light weight it was. I wondered what it was made of so I looked closely at the tag. The tag said it contained microbeads. What are microbeads? I didn't really know, so I looked it up. The internet said they are tiny particles made from Styrofoam. Styrofoam floats! AHA!!! I bought that little U shaped pillow and took it home. I had a plan.

When I got home, I pulled the neck pillow out of my bag. I went into my sewing room and got a pair of scissors and walked back to my kitchen table. Opening up the neck pillow at one end, I was immediately sorry I did it. Millions of teeny, tiny little Styrofoam beads poofed up into the air. They were suddenly all over my kitchen! Thankfully, I was able to pinch the neck of the pillow closed and contain the rest of the beads before they escaped.

I took one of my breast forms out of my bra and got a piece of paper. I traced around the form and took my "pattern" into my sewing room where I cut out two pieces of fabric. I sewed the pieces together leaving a small opening at one end for stuffing. When I'd sewn both breast forms, I brought them into the kitchen for filling. I took a small measuring cup and scooped a cup full of microbeads from the neck pillow. They clung to the sides of the measuring cup and some spilled out onto the floor. It was very difficult to get the microbeads into the new breast form but I was diligent and patient. After getting a "pleasing" amount of beads into the form, I handed it to my husband and asked him to feel how light it was. He held it in his hands and said it felt like air. I filled up the other breast form and went back into my sewing room to sew up the openings. When I'd completed the sewing, I took my new microbead boobs and slipped them into my bra. They were extremely light and I barely knew I had anything on at all! I was very pleased with the result and wondered how these lightweight breast forms would do in a bathing suit and in water.

The breast forms are packed in my suitcase and ready to go. In a few days, we'll be on our way and the new microbead boobs will get their first test run. I'm hoping they'll stay in the suit and not become little floating buoys. I'd hate to have to yell at a little kid, "Hey! Give me back my boob!" I'm sure the child would be mortified and the parents would probably think I was a kook. So we shall see how these feathery light forms hold up. I'll give you a report when I get back but until then, remember..."necessity is the mother of invention." If you have a problem, think about it and I'm sure you can come up with a solution that works for you, too!

© bonnie annis all rights reserved

Sweaty boobs and swollen arms

Summer is a challenging month for many women. We don't like sweat. It's unattractive and bothersome. We don't enjoy having to reapply our makeup or wear ultra strength deodorant to keep ourselves looking and smelling pleasant. But add to those minor inconveniences the challenges of having to wear silicone prostheses and compression sleeves for Lymphedema and you get some pretty hot ladies! No, I'm not talking about hot as in extremely good looking...I'm talking about hot as in lots of heat, as in who turned up the thermostat to 120 degrees?! The excessive heat of Summer is instantly compounded by having to wear these medically necessary items. So what's a girl to do?

My first Summer after having bilateral mastectomies, I went without prostheses. My scars were still pretty raw and I didn't like to have anything rubbing against my skin. I found cotton tank tops provided just enough coverage while at the same time kept me cool and dry. It wasn't a problem to wear those around home but when I wanted to go out to dinner or visit friends, I needed to dress more appropriately and that meant wearing my prostheses.

When I went for my first fitting, the breast specialist spent a lot of time with me. I tried on several different styles of prostheses and was amazed at the different types available. My fitter brought in a flesh colored pair of breast forms with a clear backing. She explained they were a new model. The clear gel diamond backing was specially formulated to help keep my skin cool. I hadn't given a single thought to the prostheses and how they would feel against my skin. I naturally assumed, since they were silicone, they'd be cool but that was not the case. Even inside the mastectomy bra, the regular prostheses picked up my body heat. Discovering the difference between the normal silicone prostheses and the newer cool gel backed ones made my choice an easy one. But even on a hot Georgia day, rivers of sweat trickle down my chest when I wear my prostheses. The cool gel backing helps but doesn't make Summer easy. I don't like having sweaty boobs so 9 times out of 10, I don't wear my prostheses. It's just a lot more comfortable not to wear them and a whole lot cooler, too. Silicone prostheses aren't the only challenge contributing to a miserable Summer. Lymphedema also brings its own set of issues. 

One of the major long term complications after lymph node removal is Lymphedema, an uncomfortable swelling in the arms. With the disruption of the normal lymphatic flow, the lymphatic fluid often collects in the extremities and causes painful swelling. At the time of my bilateral mastectomy, I had lymph nodes in both arms removed and found out months later that I was the lucky recipient of not only one arm with Lymphedema, but two. At first, the swelling was pretty manageable with elevation and manual lymphatic drainage performed by a certified Lymphedema Massage Therapist but, as the warm Summer months began, the swelling increased. My breast surgeon recommended compression sleeves and gauntlets to help keep the swelling down. Every morning, I donned my cool gel prostheses and my compression sleeves. I felt like I was putting on battle gear. As long as I was inside with air conditioning it was bearable but outside, in the heat, it was a different story. So what to do? I had to wear the sleeves and gauntlets. If I didn't, the swelling would become unmanageable. The Lymphedema sleeves I had been prescribed were made of a very tight Spandex® type material. They were not breathable and trapped my body heat inside them. I knew I couldn't go through the entire Summer with sweaty boobs and swollen arms or I'd swelter, so I got online and did some research. I found a website called LympheDIVAS. They sell arm sleeves with a new type of technology called Coolmax®. It allows the sleeves to wick away moisture from the skin by helping it evaporate and cool down faster. I was so happy to have found a solution to my problem! Now, I could keep my chest and arms cool but I still had one more problem to deal with in order to stay cool for the Summer. 

Lymphedema caused my arms to swell so much that I couldn't wear normal sized blouses or tops. The sleeves were not big enough to hold my massive arms. Even with the compression sleeves, my upper arms were massive. If I bought shirts in a larger size, I might be able to find one that fit in the arm area but I'd just look sloppy and unkempt everywhere else. While most women enjoy the comfort of wearing sleeveless or short sleeved tops in the Summer, I liked to stay as covered as possible to hide my swollen arms and fake boobs. Trying to do both of these presented a challenge. There weren't many choices available in fashionable women's apparel. There weren't blouses that provided adequate coverage and cool comfort at the same time. Once again, I had to do some research. I began strictly searching for Lymphedema apparel. It seemed there weren't many choices for those who suffer upper arm Lymphedema. I couldn't find a single site dedicated to clothing for women with upper arm swelling. Of course, there were Dolman sleeves, cap sleeves, butterfly sleeves, Caftan type shirts...but all of these were not currently in style. Most of those styles were popular in the 70's. So how can women who suffer from Lymphedema today dress stylishly and still meet their needs to wear non-restrictive clothing? Unless you are a seamstress or know someone who is, you'll have to compromise and accept one of the types of blouses with the sleeves I previously mentioned. By visiting a website like Shopstyle and searching for a loose, flowing type blouse you'll probably find something to suit your needs. Maybe a local retail store offers other types of shirts to camouflage the swelling Lymphedema creates. Perhaps in the future, clothing manufacturers will realize there is a huge market for clothing geared specifically toward those who suffer from upper arm Lymphedema. I certainly hope so because it would help make hot days much more pleasant and help folks like me remain cool, calm and collected instead of having to focus on sweaty boobs and swollen arms. 

© bonnie annis all rights reserved

A directional challenge

Me with short hair

I was so excited! Tonight we were actually going on a date. It's been a long time since my husband and I have planned a night on the town. We've just been focusing on getting through each day but, as I learn to move forward, in this journey out of pink, it's time to start getting back to normal and getting back to normal includes date nights.

How early is too early to get ready for a date? Well, when I was in high school, I'd start getting ready as soon as I got home from school. There was so much to do! Clothes had to be pressed, hair had to be washed, nails had to be painted and as each step of preparation went forward, the excitement swelled. It hasn't changed, I don't think, even after all these years. I still get giddy at the thought of going out, so I began early this morning.

After my shower, I styled my hair. It's super short, so it doesn't take much time to do. I blow it dry, squirt some gel into the palms of my hands and give it a quick run through pushing wisps of hair into place and guiding them exactly where I want them to be. Mirror check...yep, looks good. Now to get dressed. What to wear? We never really dress up for week night dates, so I'll wear jeans and a nice blouse, comfy but still pretty... but before I pull on my clothes, I have to don undergarments and that's where it gets a little more complicated.

A few weeks ago, it was time for me to visit Renewal, the little store that specializes in all things cancer related. My insurance stipulates that every two years I can get new prostheses. It was exciting to be able to go in and get an upgrade. My first set were the "barely there" model, a mere AA cup, no projection, just a little fullness. This time, I was going for broke. Even though the larger models weighed more, I wanted the look of femininity and whatever it took to get it, I was going to do. I chose a B cup with the help of the fitter. She said, "take baby steps, you can always go bigger next year." I kept that thought tucked in the back of my mind. The fitting went well and I left the store as a proud owner of some "real" silicone boobs, not just little hints at womanhood, these were the real deal.

I slipped on my underwear and went into the bedroom to get my "over the shoulder boulder holder." I'd had to upgrade my bras when I upgraded my girls. With new bra in hand, I opened up the little zippered boxes that held my B cup prostheses. As I lifted the lid on each box, it was almost as if I could hear the Hallelujah chorus playing loudly and see sparkles and glitter floating through the air. I held one of the new boobs in my hand. It was amazing! The pinkish flesh color was almost perfect. The nipple, barely there, but still gave a hint at realism. I carried my boobs into the bathroom and began trying to tuck them into the pockets on my mastectomy bra as the fitter had instructed. After they were in place, I slipped the heavy bra on and reached around to fasten it in back. I looked in the mirror. Horror of horrors! One of my boobs was pointing North and the other was pointing South! This would never do! I slipped off the bra and tried again. I glanced in the mirror and thought things were better but now, instead of my boobs pointing North and South, they were pointing East and West! Real breasts didn't lie in that position! I had to do some readjusting and finally, was able to get them both in the proper position with a little manipulation. I checked myself out in the mirror. Not too bad. I looked at myself sideways, there was a nice projection. Yes, these were perfect. I'd made a good choice with the fitter's help. As I continued to dress, I had to laugh. I wondered how many woman had difficulty getting their prostheses lined up correctly and how many never gave it a thought.

After I was dressed, I began to put on my makeup. First came moisturizer, then concealer, foundation, powder, blush, eyeshadow, liner, mascara and lipstick. Whew! I wondered if men ever thought about all we do to make ourselves visually pleasing to them. It's a lot of work to be a woman!

Glancing at the clock, I noticed it was just before noon. There were still many hours to go before my husband would be home from work. I knew he'd be tired when he got home but he'd made a promise to take me out and he'd keep that promise. Dinner and a movie, that's what our date night would start off with and who knew where it would go from there.

I walked through the living room and as I did, I passed the mirror in the hallway. I noticed one of my breast forms had slipped a little and was trying to sneak over to the West again. I pushed it back into place and wondered how I was going to keep both of these girls planted firmly throughout the night and that's when it hit me...DUCT TAPE! Duct tape was good for everything! I ran into the garage and dug through my husband's tool chest. I found a roll of the shiny, silver tape and hastily ripped off two small pieces. I went back inside and stripped off my bra. I lay it flat on the bed and made sure the breast forms were exactly where they needed to be and then VOILA! I taped them in place. Now they'd stay positioned and I wouldn't have to worry. But how was I going to explain the duct tape if the night got a little racy? That was the question. Well, I have a few hours to think about the best way to answer that one. In the mean time, I've got a few more things to do to get ready so I'd better end this post. It's exciting to be able to go out with the man I love even if I'm held together with duct tape. Hey! A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, right?

© bonnie annis all rights reserved