Journey Out of Pink

Happy me! First thing this morning, I received a video from my Aunt. It was an inspirational video on the topic of God still answers prayer. As I watched it, my heart skipped a few beats because I know firsthand God still answers prayer in my life and does so on a daily basis. Weeks ago, I realized I'd lost my necklace. I turned my house upside down for the past couple of weeks looking frantically for this very sentimental piece of jewelry. I'd had the necklace made over twenty years ago when my first wedding ring (from my husband Phil) had been accidentally crushed leaving only the front of the ring and diamonds in tact. Before having the necklace made from my ring, I also wanted to incorporate a diamond my daughter Laura had won at the opening of a jewelry store about the same time my ring had been damaged. My intention was to leave this necklace as an heirloom to her one day. The diamonds in the necklace probably don't total more than a carat or so but the necklac

We're coming up on the end of August. This year has been flying by. As I look at the calendar, I realize October is just behind September and that means, I only have a little over a month before PINKTOBER begins. For those of you who don't know what PINKTOBER is, it's the month dedicated to breast cancer awareness and just about every and anything you can think of becomes pink. When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, I was intrigued by the pinkness of breast cancer. I almost felt like I belonged to a secret sorority. Well meaning friends and family began to inundate me with all sorts of pink things and the infamous pink ribbon became symbolic to me. I was proud to sport anything with the big pink breast cancer ribbon on it. I felt it was my duty, afterall, I had cancer. As time wore on, I began to tire of all the pink and now that it's been a little over two years since I was diagnosed, I honestly hate pink. I'm already dreading October and it used to b

My hubby, Phil Tomorrow is my husband's 62nd birthday. That means he'll be filling out the forms for Social Security, too. I'm looking forward to celebrating his special day but more importantly focusing more intently on our future together. We're planning to do a good bit of traveling and we've both been looking forward to it. As every day passes, I realize we're getting older. The aches and pains in our bodies scream it so loudly now we can't ignore it. But 60ish isn't really that old...if we were in our 90s, I could say we were really getting there and that's my hope...that one day we'll be able to reach our 90s and we'll still be happily married and alive! Being alive is much better than being dead or so they say...but is it really? Sometimes, I think I'd rather be dead. At least then, I'd be in the presence of the Lord. I wouldn't have any more aches or pains. I would never have to worry about the cancer coming back again

Size c prosthesis and bra Having both breasts removed was extremely difficult for me, but amid all the negatives accompanying breast cancer and surgery, there have also been some positives. I’d like to share one of those positives with you today. I’m hoping I won’t offend anyone. I’m sharing this with my tongue in my cheek because after all, we do need to look for some humor along our journey, don’t we? I don’t know about you, but I get tired of all the seriousness of breast cancer in my life. I’ve started looking for some more light hearted moments and today, I found one! It was time for my check up with the oncologist. I’d made my appointment for the earliest part of the day because that’s when I’m most energetic. I wandered into my walk in closet and selected the clothing I’d wear to the appointment. I tried to find something lightweight and cool. After making my selections, I lay my clothing across the bed while I went into the bathroom to shower. I dried off and prepared

It happened again. I was folding a load of laundry and all of a sudden I was overcome with emotion. I felt the tears welling up inside me and then, with no warning, the dam burst. Sobbing uncontrollably, I tried to complete my task but couldn’t. My husband entered the room and found me curled in a ball on the end of the bed. He put his arm around me and tried to console me as he asked what was wrong. “I don’t know,” I explained through the tears. “I just feel so…so ugly,” I said. I explained I felt I’d lost my femininity. I was feeling fragile and unlovely. Without breasts, I felt less than other women. As I tried to help him understand why I was feeling so distraught, I wondered if I might be experiencing a little touch of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.) Since surgery, I’d noticed I was extremely sensitive to loud noises. I found myself jumping if a door slammed or some other type of sharp, loud noise occurred. I’d also noticed, in large groups of people, I felt like I was be

Several years ago there was a funny Saturday night spoof featuring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Dana Carvey. It was a hilarious skit about two body builders and how they were going to help "pump up" people's muscles with their wonderful body building techniques. I thought about that silly skit this morning as I got out my compression pump and slipped on the compression sleeves. After the fiasco, the other day, where I got stuck in the sleeves and couldn't get out, I decided it would be best to only do one arm at a time when I'm alone in the house, so I slipped one arm out of the sleeve and lay it on the sofa. As I got situated, the reality of my circumstances hit me square between the eyes. This wasn't going to be a once in a blue moon thing. This was going to be a daily, forever commitment. I don't know why I hadn't thought of that before, but I hadn't. Lymphedema doesn't ever go away. I'm stuck with it for the rest of my life and if I w

Nobody likes Mondays. Mondays signal the end of weekend freedom. Mondays mean a return to the grind for those who remain enslaved in the workforce, but even for those who no longer do the typical 9 to 5 routine, Mondays aren't anything to look forward to...most people I know dread Mondays. I'm one of those Monday haters and let me tell you why. This morning, when I woke up, I knew I had an appointment for physical therapy on my spine. For the past 2 weeks, I've been enduring challenging treatments to help remedy severe spinal pain. The first few treatments were difficult but as treatment continued, I decided enough was enough. I was tired of going in with my back hurting and coming home with it hurting even more than it did before I saw the therapist. I wasn't looking forward to my appointment and wanted desperately to call in and cancel it. I got dressed and made myself go to the appointment. I knew Dr. K, my orthopedic spine specialist, had scheduled these therapy