Journey Out of Pink

This morning, I woke up at 5:55 a.m. It's getting to be a thing. For the past several months, God shakes me awake at precisely 5:55 a.m. The first time it happened, I didn't think anything of it. I got up, went into the kitchen, fixed a cup of cappuccino and began my devotional time. The second time, I thought it odd that I was awake at exactly 5:55 a.m om the nose. But subsequently, I've come to realize, God has picked this very specific time for me.  In Gematria, the number 5 symbolizes creation, as in God's creation of man. Gematria is the study of numbers and their significance as they are used in the Bible. The number 555 in Jewish Gematria equals the word "today." Each letter has it's own number. t=100 o=50 d=4 a=1 y=400. Add them all up and you get 555. So, I guess maybe the Lord wants me to wake up at the specific time to remember He is the almighty creator and He created me and He wants my undivided attention today (and every day at 5:55 a.m.) Whe

 It's way after my bedtime but I don't care. I need to download my thoughts so I can sleep peacefully. There are so many rolling around in my head, I feel like it's about to explode, and most of those thoughts revolve around others.  There are three loved ones in my life who are fighting cancer right now. Each of their stories is vastly different from the other and each of them suffer from a different type of cancer, but all of the prognoses are bad, and that makes me feel helpless.  I wish with all my heart I could take their pain. I know what it's like to fight cancer but there's one thing I don't understand, and maybe I'm not meant to understand it - why have I been allowed to live 6 years past diagnosis and more than likely, these I care so deeply about won't?  Someone once said, "Why does God allow suffering?" And while I don't know all the answers, I do know He is sovereign. His ways are not our ways. He sees the beginning and the end

 Friday, I was bad...really, really bad. I don't usually do things like that. The people who know me well know I'm pretty laid back and easy going - that is, until I've reached my limit.  My mother always said I was a powder keg, waiting to explode. And I was, but I didn't know it.  I would take and take and take letting things build up slowly and gradually without realizing the ensuing damage until it was too late. And once the dam burst, there was no holding back. All the ugliness and bitter hatred would spew forth.  That was me on Friday.  We'd ordered a replacement window for our kitchen. The order had been placed in July and we'd been promised it would be in within 2 weeks. When the deadline came, we called the salesman to arrange pickup only to be told the window wasn't in. They're been a delay. We were told it'd be another 2 weeks, so we waited.  That deadline came and went too. We waited another month, calling to check on the window every 2 w

Well, today's the day. We choose a new president and the fate of our country will forever change. I won't lie. I'm concerned. I've been praying, asking God for His perfect will to be done, but I can't help but wonder if He's going to allow us to reap what we've sown. We deserve that.  People are hurting. They're angry and upset. Our world has become chaotic and evil. And the Bible said it would be that way in the last days.  Relationships have been broken, irretrievably broken, and wounded souls mourn.  I'm one of those. My heart aches every day because our family is disjointed. I tell God how much it hurts every day and how there's nothing I can do to fix it.  What does one do when a child decides to cut a parent out of her life? And how does the parent cope with the shock of not knowing the reason behind the shunning?  It seems like yesterday I was diapering her, holding her, kissing her, teaching her, loving her. We played games and made messe