An unexpected blessing

This morning was my annual visit to the oncologist. For the past week, I've been dreading it and no matter how hard I tried to think positively, it seemed the louder the devil's whispers became - "So what if you've been cancer free for 11 years. You don't know if it won't ever come back again. When you least expect it, it could pop back into your life." And then I could almost hear an evil laughter in the background. I knew those were only lies of the enemy. I was a child of God and I trusted Him to keep me in the palm of His hands no matter what. If He chose to let cancer back into my life, He'd equip me to fight it. If He choose to keep me cancer free for the rest of my life, then I would continually thank and praise Him for His goodness and mercy. Either way, I had to have faith and I had to have hope. 

My appointment was at 10:00 AM but I woke at 5:00 AM. I was nervous. Every time I've gone in in the past, I've felt pretty certain I was going to get good results on my CA19 and CA125 blood work. (Those are tests that are specific to cancer antigens in the blood.) And so far, I've been right. So why was I so nervous this time? Maybe it was because of something that popped up in my Facebook feed the other day. It was a photo and reminder of a friend of mine who'd lived 22 years cancer free and then suddenly her cancer returned and took her life. Experiencing that with her helped me see one was never truly free from a fear of recurrence. 

Bonnie Ferguson, my friend 

After rising, I grabbed my ear buds and pulled up an audio book I'd borrowed from the library. Lying back down in bed, I lay listening to the story as I tried to still my mind. After a couple of hours, I decided to get up and have some coffee. I needed the energy boost. When I'd finished the last drop, I told my husband I was going to get dressed and ready for the appointment.  

As I put on my makeup, I couldn't help looking in the mirror and thinking, "What would I do if they said my numbers were high? How would I react? Would I agree to take chemo this time?" The thoughts kept coming as I worked. Feeling overly anxious, I ate an Ashwaghanda gummy. (Ashwaghanda is a plant that belongs to the ginseng family is is often used in Ayurvedic medicine to help relieve stress. Several years ago, the integrative health doctor at the cancer center recommended it to me and it's helped greatly when I've felt overly anxious.)

We drove to the cancer center and found the parking lot packed. City of Hope Atlanta is always full because it's one of 5 such cancer treatment centers in the US and ours serves the Southeast region of the US. Patients come from many states and some even stay for weeks or months at at time in nearby hotels or in the RV lot on the back of the property. Finally, after several laps around the lot, we found a car pulling out and were able to take their space. Hesitantly, I got out of the car and walked to the front of the building. I was so thankful to have my husband's strong hand holding mine. Knowing he was there to offer moral support meant everything to me. 

After registration and lab work, I headed to the Peach Clinic where I'd meet my new oncologist. This would be the 5th one I'd seen in 11 years. The others had either left the practice or had transferred to another facility. I'd prayed and asked God to help me find the right one after my last visit and He pointed me to Dr. Radovich, a woman doctor who'd been working in oncology for over 20 years. 

I was called back and placed in an exam room. Shortly thereafter, the doctor and a scribe came into the room. The doctor introduced herself to my husband and I, then got down to business. She went over my medical history, lab results, and did a physical exam. When she was done, she said everything looked great and smiled a great big smile. I told her how thankful I was to have found her and I appreciated her kindness. That's when she said something that surprised me - "You won't see me but another year." She could tell I was surprised and then she said, "You won't see me but one more time because next year you'll move in to the survivorship program!" I let out a big sigh of relief and then started laughing. The doctor rolled over to me on her little doctor's stool. Sitting beside me she looked deep into my eyes and said, "Do you believe in God?" I was so shocked by her question. I'd never had a doctor ask me that before. I assured her I did and then she really blew me away when she said, "Can I pray for you?" 

Taking both of my hands in hers, she said the sweetest prayer over me. She prayed for my health, my peace, and for my upcoming knee replacement surgery to go well. She asked God to bring me comfort and calm my anxious heart. She overwhelmed me with the tenderness and sincerity of her words. As she came to a close, tears streamed down my face. I had received such an unexpected blessing I could hardly contain my emotions. 

Still holding my hands, the doctor looked at me and smiled. I told her that was the first time in my life I'd ever had a doctor pray over me and she said, "I'm sure some of them have prayed for you in the past, they just never spoke the words out loud for you to hear. I learned a long time ago that my patients needed me to pray for them and they needed to hear the words spoken over them." I thanked her over and over again before she left the room and told me she'd see me next year.  

When we left the building, I felt like I was floating. Not only had my blood work come back okay, but my day had turned out so differently than expected. Closing the car door, I offered up a breath prayer for Dr. Radovich and for God's goodness to me. 

Cancer has been a life altering event in my life but thankfully, God has chosen to let me continue to live and share my story with others. I've had faithful prayer warriors standing in the gap for me before, during, and after most of my medical exams, tests, and surgeries and I'm extremely grateful for all of them but I must say, having a doctor pray aloud for me was one of the best gifts I've had since diagnosis. I'll never forget this day or how a believing physician made a huge impact on my life.

Where did January go?

Where did January go? It seems the older I get the faster the months go! Goodbye and good riddance, January! You were cold and dreary. Welcome, February, the month of love and hopefully, warmer temperatures. 

This will undoubtedly be a hard month for many. Some of my friends have lost their mates. That love they thought would last a lifetime is gone. Others are longing for love. They've searched high and low but haven't found the deep, true love they're seeking. And then there's folks like me, who have been blessed with love and have grown comfortable and old with it, sometimes taking it for granted, even though they don't mean to... In each of those situations, there's one common denominator - the rarity of the gift. 

The greatest gift we can give others is love. To do that, we must give of ourselves but in order to give the right kind of love, we have to love God first. The Bible tells us that is the greatest command - to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind. The second command is to love others as ourselves. 

Self love isn't always easy, but if we really admit it, we do love ourselves to some degree. 

So what's a practical way we can show love to others? One of the best ways I've found to show love to others is to pray for them. This is a gift of love I can give often. Whenever a friend or loved one mentions a need, I immediately record it then, over the next days, weeks, months, and sometimes even years, I pray for each need until there's an answer. It's a great faith builder to see God work in the lives of others. 

Sometimes the needs are answered quickly and other times the answer isn't an expected one. God chooses when and how He responds according to His perfect will. 

Prayer, as an act of love, is an easy thing to do. 

This month, why not list each of your friends prayer needs they've mentioned on social media? Then, as you go about your day, and God brings someone to mind, say a little prayer for them. You might not know exactly what to say because you won't have all the details, but God knows the need. You can offer up a simple prayer like this: 

"Oh, Gracious Heavenly Father, right now, I feel You putting ____________ on my heart. I don't know what ____________ really needs right now, but you do. Would you please meet that need according to Your perfect will? Would you surround my friend with Your comforting presence? May ________feel your strong arms of compassion undergirding (him/her) throughout the day? And Father, may I be quick to offer words of love and encouragement to ________ in the days ahead as you lead me. Thank you for what you're going to do and thank you that I can come boldly before Your throne with my requests. In the Precious name of Jesus, I pray, Amen." 

We should love others because He first loved us, so let's do it! And remember, love is an action word. You have to put forth a little effort to get it going. 

Oh how I hate cancer!

If I could kill something I would and that something would be cancer. I hate it with my entire being, especially when I learn, day after day, another friend has either been diagnosed with cancer or has found out a family member has been diagnosed. 

In my office, I have a whiteboard where I keep a list of prayer concerns. Daily I watch the concerns grow as I add one after another after another name and different type of cancer. Currently, I have 15 names on that board and that's just those who've shared their news with me since January of this year! It makes me physically ill every time I get a call, text, or email with a plea for prayer. Sometimes I'm so overwhelmed I want to run away and never come back. 

I've cried so many tears, I could never count them but I know God holds them all in a bottle because the Bible tells me He does. That makes me think He considers each one priceless, but tears don't fix the problem, they only relieve a little of my stress and soothe the cracks in my heart that have formed with each painful notification. 

I don't understand why I'm still here, after 11 years, and so many of my friends are not. I don't understand why my cancer seems to be dormant or perhaps completely cured, and theirs rage out of control. 

When I get to heaven, I'm going to have to sit down with God and ask all these questions. He may or may not give me the answers but I'm hoping He will. And if He doesn't, I pray He'll give me peace to accept the things He's allowed, because right now, I don't have it.

What is wrong with us?!

47TH

When did it happen and how did we let it? The world I grew up in no longer exists. Today's world is so, so, evil. It didn't happen overnight but slowly and methodically as we let our guard down and now, it seems, we've reached the point of no return. 

When my husband and I learned of the attempt to assassinate President Trump, we were dumbfounded. First, we questioned how our country's superior security system could have failed in such a horrible way and then, we stopped and gave thanks to God for thwarting this evil plan. 

It's hard to live in a world where right and wrong no longer seem to matter. Morals and values are totally corrupt. But when I read God's Word, I know this is the way it's supposed to be right now because we're living in the last days. 

I'm sure God looks down on us and sheds many tears. As we continue to fail His standards and make poor choices. Yes, there are those who love and follow Him, doing all they can to keep His covenants and live godly lives and then...there are those who do completely the opposite - living out the evil that permeates their souls. 

How I long for things to return to they way it was when I was growing up. No, things weren't perfect, but they were much better than today. People trusted. People respected. People cared. God was honored (for the most part in most homes and in our country) and the majority of people loved our country. How things have changed!

As believers, we have so much to pray about. Every single day, we need to remember not only to pray for our loved ones and our country, but also for those in authority over us. Even more importantly, we need to pray for God's intervention and for His will to be accomplished in His perfect timing. 

I can't help but remember these very conditional verses of Scripture that offer such promises:  "If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land. 2 Chronicles 7:14-20.

How we need that today!

If you're one of my faithful readers, I'd like to ask you to join me in taking a few minutes each day to pray for our country. We desperately need God and our land needs help. 

I have a little hour glass I keep on my desk. As I turn it over, the sand runs through it within 5 minutes. 5 minutes isn't a long time to pray. Can you commit to that each day? Though a very small amount of time, I think it would make a huge difference if our collective, heartfelt voices went up to the throne room, don't you? Try it. We have to do something and this is truly something that matters.

Unity in the body of Christ

This afternoon, members of our church gathered together to extend the love of 
Christ to one of our sweet friends. Our meeting time was 2:30 p.m. We arrived a little before then.

As we exited our car, we quietly walked up the driveway. We weren't sure exactly how to proceed and were looking for the pastor. As we stood in the yard waiting, one by one other members of the church pulled up. We greeted each other and shifted to make room for more and more friends to arrive. Within fifteen minutes or so, about thirty people had gathered.  

Before we began, I noticed Mrs. Anderson had come out of the house and was standing in front of their covered carport. She looked frail but what a warrior. As she stood in her bright yellow shirt, she greeted one person after another as we patiently went up to her offering our support and love. 

The pastor entered the center of the group and explained today's gathering - an informal prayer walk. We were to spend time in prayer walking the property of Mr. and Mrs. Anderson's home. The pastor explained we could take our time, pray as we felt led, and leave when we were through. Members of the group began to spread out around the grounds. Before Phil and I moved from the driveway, I saw Mrs. Anderson standing alone, so I went up to her. Before I had a chance to speak to her, she extended her hand and spoke to me. "You're Denise's friend, aren't you?" I nodded and she said, "She showed me the sweet prayer you'd written for me several days ago, thank you." I was dumbfounded. While I remembered writing out a prayer and sharing it with my friend, I couldn't, for the life of me, remember what I'd written. 

I asked Mrs. Anderson if she minded us praying over her. At that time, Phil, Denise, and her husband, Gary, had joined me. She said she didn't mind at all so we began to pray. I led the prayer and Gary closed. It was a beautiful, sweet time of fellowship. 

After our intimate prayer time, Phil and I walked to the only open spot - the middle of the front yard, and began to pray more earnestly for Mr. and Mrs. Anderson's health. Since they both have cancer, we asked God to be merciful to them and if it was His will, that He might heal their bodies and extend their lives, just like He did for King Hezekiah in the Bible. But if it wasn't His will to heal them on this side of heaven, we knew He'd heal them on the other side of glory. 

Pancreatic cancer kills quickly. I lost a very dear friend to it a couple of years ago. It was so sad to watch his body decline, but even in the midst of his treatments, his faith was strong and he fought hard. The same thing with my brother after his cancer diagnosis. 

Oh, how I hate cancer. It's so hard to understand why some people survive and others don't. Sometimes I feel so guilty being a survivor. It's hard to explain to someone who's never experienced cancer before, but survivor's guilt is real. 

I'm so thankful our church is a unified body of believers. It's hard to find churches who follow Biblical principles these days. The Bible commands us to bear one another's burdens and the people at Unity Baptist certainly know how to do that. 

We were honored to participate today and hope Mr. and Mrs. Anderson felt our love. May God's peace comfort them in the days ahead and may He be merciful to them as they continue to fight the good fight. 
 

The faithful prayers of the righteous

It's early on this chilly winter morning and as I sit in my living room thinking about what lies ahead, I am in awe. This is the Lord's day, a new day he has created for us to enjoy. I will choose to rejoice and be glad in it!

As I was checking my emails this morning, I got a notification from a friend. I had recently sent her a card and she responded to thank me but also in her message told me she had recently been diagnosed with a severe disorder. While sad to hear it, I took a few minutes to pray for her and then shot off a quick email reminding her not to become discouraged or disappointed because God still loves her. I think it's so important for us to stand with our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ and one of the best ways we can do that is to offer the gift of encouragement.

This afternoon, after church, our Sunday school class is going to do a prayer walk. There is a dear lady in our church who has pancreatic cancer. She was given the diagnosis recently of being stage four. When she was given that diagnosis, she did not want to believe it as most of us wouldn't, so she sought a second opinion. The second opinion confirmed the first diagnosis and she was given more information - only 6 months to live. Can you imagine hearing that news? I know if I heard that news, I would spend every minute of every day trying to do everything possible before God called me home. One of the main things I would want to do is to make sure all of my loved ones had accepted Christ as their Savior.

I don't know how many people will show up for the prayer walk but I pray that the majority of our church will. Since it's so cold outside, and a lot of our members are older, there may not be many but we know the Bible says wherever two or three are gathered in My Name, there I am in the midst of them. God will be with us as we quietly march around her property praying for a miracle.

A lot of people don't believe that God is still in the business of doing miracles, but I am living proof that He still does. Almost 10 years ago, I was diagnosed with stage 2B invasive ductal carcinoma breast cancer. My odds of living this long were not very good. In fact, I was only given the hope that I might make it 5 years past diagnosis. Every single day, I thank God for allowing me to continue to live my life. I'm so grateful to him and want to always honor him in all I say and do.

Our time on this Earth is so brief. Many days we take things for granted and I believe that is because we are human. We are frail and weak. Through trials, God often allows them as teaching tools to help us grow. And while suffering is extremely difficult, when we can look at it as a purposeful tool, we can thank God even for the difficult times.

Please remember Mrs Anderson in your prayers today. We will be circling her property at 2:30 this afternoon. She doesn't know we're going to do this. Pray that God will hear and answer our prayers. Just like King Hezekiah prayed to extend his life, we're going to ask God to extend Mrs Anderson's life.

Mr. Anderson also has cancer. He was diagnosed before his wife and his just completed his treatments. She has been caring for him all this time and now she has this dreadful diagnosis.

Oh, Lord, help us not take a single minute of a single day for granted. We know our days are numbered and our times are in your hands. Please help us to be thankful each day. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

House hunting

Yesterday we met with our real estate agent to view a home we were considering buying. Online, it looked like the perfect fit. We were excited to go see it, especially since it was situated in a rural part of our county.

Standing outside the home, it didn’t look like anything special. It was an older home that had been recently remodeled. Though plain, we hoped for the best. We knew from the online description it would be a smaller home and that was okay with us. Since the kids were all grown and gone, we didn’t need much space.

As we entered, our agent explained all the upgrades and recent remodeling efforts the owner had made. We were impressed with all of the amenities. They were beautiful! It looked like Joanna Gaines had come and done the house herself in the typical Magnolia style.

At only 1200 square feet, the home was very small, and we realized there wouldn’t be much storage. We didn’t know if we’d be able to fit our king size bedroom set in the tiny 12 x 12 master. But the house was cute. It felt cozy and warm.

We stood in the little living room talking with our agent. Both my husband and I were unsure if this was the perfect house for our forever home. He’d recently retired. We were pushing 70 and the yard was big. It would require a lot of physical work to keep it up. We noticed several large pine trees that would need to be taken down right away otherwise they might fall on the house. We tried to weigh the pros and cons as we listened to our agent talk.

We should have taken time to walk away and discuss our thoughts alone, but my husband and I would have been overheard anywhere in that little house. Trying to read each other’s body language was hard. Finally, I asked my husband point blank – “What do you think? Is this the home for us? Do you like it?” He was hard of hearing, so I wasn’t sure how much he’d heard as he nodded his head and smiled. Frustrated and unsure, I waited for his answer as the agent continued to give us details on what the owner was offering.

After about twenty or thirty minutes, I looked at my husband and said, “Should we go ahead and put a contract on the house?” He said we should. As I turned to the agent to give her the go ahead, I felt conflicted. I loved the inside of the home, even though it was small, but was worried about the yard. I’d seen my husband’s physical strength decline a good bit over the past few years and was very unsure about his abilities to cut down and haul off trees, cut the grass down by the street which had some deep drainage ditches, and get on a ladder to clean out gutters.

Standing outside the house, as we prepared to leave, I asked him again if he was sure this was the house we wanted. He said he liked it again, so the agent contacted the seller. The ball was rolling.

After saying our goodbyes, we headed back to our rental home. On the way, we discussed the house we’d just seen. We were on the same page about many of the qualities of the home but as we talked, I could hear concern in his voice too about the yard.

When we reached the rental house, we went inside and over dinner discussed the home we’d visited again. We loved the rural setting – seeing pastureland right outside the front door was so appealing. We loved hearing the lowing of the cows as we stood outside the home and talked with the agent. We also loved all the upgrades that had been made, but we both were concerned about the large trees that were in evident decay. They were so close to the house and there were a lot of them. They’d need to be taken down very quickly.

The more we talked, the more we realized we’d jumped the gun in our decision. I shot a quick text to our agent telling her we’d changed our mind and tacked on a lengthy apology. Before she had time to respond, I asked my husband to call and explain our decision to her. I wanted her to know how he felt.

She was gracious and honored our request to cancel proceedings on buying the home. While I’m sure she has these types of things happen all the time in her business, I was embarrassed and upset. I didn’t like making a fool of myself in front of others, especially someone I considered a friend.

I beat myself up most of the night. We should have told the agent we’d come home and think about the house before giving her our decision instead of making a rash one as we stood in the living room that day. I wouldn’t blame her if she decided not to keep us as clients.

That house, though completely remodeled on the inside, still had many flaws on the outside. It reminded me how Satan often baits us with seemingly innocent temptations to get us to do things against God’s will.

Today, since I have a clearer view of the situation, I can see our decision was a wise one. We would have regretted moving into such a small home with a huge yard. In my mind’s eye, I pictured us ten years from now. There’s no way we would have been able to maintain that property. Sure, we could hire someone, but that would eat into our meager income. Living on Social Security alone would be challenging. We’d be watching every penny.

So now we wait and pray. We are trusting God to provide the perfect home for us. We have no idea where it will be and we aren’t sure our agent will want to continue representing us, but we hope she will.

It’s hard to adult. Most times, we make decisions by stepping out in faith. But sometimes, I wish we had our parents around to bounce things off of. Their wisdom was priceless. Now that we don’t have that, we have to trust ourselves and lean hard on God.

I’m thankful our agent is a sister in Christ. She’s a kind hearted soul and is very understanding but even so, I’m sure she had to do a lot of back peddling to stop that ball we started rolling. I hate that we put her through that.

The next home we visit, we’re going to take a few days to think about unless we’re absolutely positively sure it’s the one for us.

House hunting is no fun. It can be an overwhelming and daunting task. I wish there was some sort of machine you could enter criteria into and have it spit out the perfect home at the perfect price, but there isn’t. All we can do is use the filters on Zillow, Trulia, and Redfin to see if we can find something that is close to what we want. And of course, our agent will be searching her MLS listings for us, too. (We hope! If she still wants to work with us…)

Please pray for us in the days ahead. We need the Lord’s guidance.

Hmm

Hmm. How can such a little "word" represent such deep thought? And yes, it is a word. Look it up if you don't believe me. 

Lately, I've been saying hmm a lot. There are so many things going on in the world that puzzle me. For instance, the fact that conveniently a new strain of the virus is going around and more than likely, new mandates will begin soon. Also, I'm puzzled by the number of people believing the lies of the enemy about who they are and who they're supposed to be. It seems we're living in a really crazy screwed up world. 

Also, recent health issues have me muttering hmm a lot. That's one of the reason I haven't been writing my blog lately. There's been a lot going on for the past few months, things I can't control. And that's hard for a person who enjoys being in control. 

It seems my innards don't like me much anymore. I've had to have 3 endoscopies done and twice, during those, I've had to have my esophagus stretched. It seems my body doesn't like solid food and won't let it pass down the esophagus as God designed it to do. 

The stretching has helped some, especially with the feeling of choking, but it hasn't solved the problem. Now that the food can pass through the esophagus, it doesn't want to go any further. It seems the junction at the base of the esophagus and the stomach are fighting. So my doc has ordered a CT scan of the abdomen. I'll have that test done in a little over a week. Hopefully it will show the problem and the doc can fix it. 

I've also been wondering if just maybe the cancer might be back. I don't want to go there, but I'm a realist. It is a possibility. 

My brother died of esophageal cancer and we have a history of many types of cancer in our family, so who knows? I pray that isn't the case and I don't know what I'll do if it is. 

Gosh! I just remembered. On my last endoscopy, the doc did several biopsies of places he found in my stomach. I haven't gotten the results from those tests back yet. Usually it only takes about 5-7 days for the results to come back. Hmm. I'm hoping no news is good news. 

So, that's where things stand for now. 

I could use your prayers. And I'm thankful for those of you who take time to do that.

One more ultrasound

At my latest oncology appointment, my new oncologist, Dr. Sharma, seemed concerned about the walnut sized lump at my left clavicle. It had been there for months but had seemed to be larger than it was when I first mentioned it to previous oncologist. I was grateful this new doctor was being proactive in ordering a test so quickly. 

When I arrived at the cancer treatment center's imaging department, the room was packed. The only available chair was close to a wall mounted television set and very close to an automatic door. I knew the constant noise from the TV would interrupt my reading but wasn't prepared for the blast of cold air every time the door opened as someone entered. I waited about fifteen minutes and as soon as someone was called back, I got up to move and take their seat. I lucked up and got a seat in a warmer section of the room very close to the receptionist's desk. 

My appointment was scheduled for 9:45 a.m. When 10:30 rolled around and I still hadn't been called back, I wondered if I'd been forgotten. There were so many in the waiting room though and it seemed they were moving slowly so I patiently waited. 

To my left was an older black couple. One seat over from me sat the woman softly humming. As I read, I heard her soothing melody. It wasn't bothersome at all and I was thankful for her low, soft voice. It seemed to calm me as I waited for my test 

A nurse came and sat by the couple. She spoke to the husband about the wife's upcoming procedure. I did my best not to eavesdrop but the nurse wasn't whispering. I kept my eyes glued to my book and tried to read as they talked. I kept going over the same line again and again. The nurse was telling the man that after his wife's lung biopsy they'd have to keep her under surveillance for a couple of hours. He asked questions as to why and the nurse said sometimes, during a lung biopsy, air can get into a patient's lungs and this can be a dangerous situation. The man's voice wavered as he continued to talk with the nurse. A few minutes later,  the nurse was taking the woman with her to the procedure area. 

I sat for a few minutes and didn't say a word. As I did, I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to tell the man I was going to pray for his wife. I waited a few more minutes for confirmation and the nudge didn't go away, so I leaned over and told the man I wasn't trying to get into their business but I couldn't help overhearing about his wife's biopsy. He looked at me intently and I said, "May I ask your wife's name? I'd like to pray for her." Immediately he said, "Her name is Lynn Morgan." I smiled and told him I would be praying for her and I spoke words of encouragement to him. He thanked me over and over again before leaving to go find a hotel room for the night as the nurse had suggested he do just in case the wife's biopsy was more complicated than they expected. 

After Mr. Morgan left, I began to pray for his wife asking God to be with her and give her strength, to guide the doctor's hands and to protect her from complications. As I prayed, a verses from Isaiah came to mind, "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock." (Isaiah 26:3-4) I know God brought those verses to mind for not only Mrs. Morgan, but also for me. 

It wasn't long before I was being called back. I lay on the exam table as the radiology tech warmed up the gel. After asking me to show her the exact location of the lump, she took the transducer and began going over and over my left clavicle. As she pressed the wand down on the lump, it hurt. I kept my eyes on the ceiling tiles instead of looking at the ultrasound machine as I did in 2014 when I was first diagnosed. The ceiling tiles in the room were illuminated with a beautiful spring scene. I remembered that view and smiled to myself. 

The ceiling scene I enjoyed

I found it interesting that I wasn't terrified like I was the first time I'd had a breast ultrasound done. Over the years, I've become desensitized to all the poking, prodding, and tests. Perhaps it's because I feel in my heart cancer is no longer a threat to me. Oh, I know it can be. I'm not being naive about the dangers and possibility of a recurrence, it just feels like my stint with cancer is over and has been for some time. 

It kind of feels moot to have to keep going to the oncologist for annual checkups but I'm glad I have a safety net in place just in case. 

On the way home, I continued to pray for Mrs. Morgan. I wish I knew if she was doing okay. 

Next month, I'll return to the oncologist for more blood work, to see the integrative wellness team. Thankfully all that will be after vacation and I can enjoy the sand and sea without thinking about anything cancer related.

The Waiting Game

 Nobody likes playing the waiting game, especially not me! I'm a very impatient person and don't have time to waste on waiting, but sometimes, we don't have a choice. Wait we must. Especially when it comes to lab results and other medical tests. Then, we're at the mercy of a phone call or a piece of paper that comes in the mail. 

7-10 days. That's what the doctor said right after he'd completed my stomach biopsies. It's a disconcerting thing to say to someone who's already been through cancer. Naturally, one thinks the worst. Though I try not to, my mind instantly goes to the "what if" zone. What if I get the news that I've got cancer again? What would I do? How would I react? Would I do things differently this time around? Would I opt for chemotherapy instead of foregoing it? And the answer is a big, fat I DON'T KNOW! 

Not knowing how I'd react bothers me. Of course, I'd want to be aggressive. I'd want to do whatever necessary to live as long as possible, but how would I know if I was making the right decision? How does anyone for that matter? All we have to go on is whatever our doctors tell us. And we trust them. We trust them because they have more medical expertise than we could ever dream of but then, some of us, ones like me, start digging. We do our homework. We look at unconventional methods of treatment, grasping at straws, hoping upon hope for something that won't be as damaging to our bodies while still letting us live. 

I don't want to go there. I don't want to think about the possibility of cancer again. I've already been there. I've done my time. But I'm no dummy. I know there are no guarantees it won't come back again some day. 

Why does it have to be that way? Why can't cancer be a once and done kind of thing? Why can't we have a zap it, kill it, and be done with it mentality? Maybe because there's too much money to be made in dragging out the treatment...hmmmmm... What do you think? 

Of course it's a racket! There are big bucks to be made in cancer care. And since we don't have a cure or even know exactly what causes most cancers, we wing it. 

Today is the 10th day since the biopsies were performed. I am holding the doctor to his word. I'll be watching the mail like a hawk today and hopefully, I'll get good news. My husband says if there was bad news, the doctor would have already called and he's probably right. That old addage, "no news is good news," has been true in the past for so many things. 

My gut instinct says it's probably nothing serious but my mind says, "You can't be sure." 

So I wait. 

Please keep me in your prayers. But don't pray for patience! They say when you pray for patience you get tribulations to teach you patience. I don't want or need any more trials, thank you very much! 

I'll keep you posted and thanks in advance for your prayers. Have a blessed day!

Conflicted

Tomorrow is the big day. It's my annual visit to the oncologist. I'm struggling with my feelings. While I want to be hopeful and optimistic, I'm feeling fearful and filled with trepidation. 

Piedmont Hospital

Normally, these visits are uneventful. I go to the lab for bloodwork, where they do the typical tumor marker tests, and then I see the doctor. He usually sits and talks with me for about ten or fifteen minutes and then says, "I'll let you know if there's anything concerning on your bloodwork. See you next year!" And that's that. I leave the office and breathe easy for a while until it's time to do it all over again. But this time, I have several things to discuss with him, and since it's about time for me to have another PET scan, I'm expecting him to order one of those. 

And that's why I wonder, when and if, I'll ever be able to put cancer in the rearview. 

Today on Facebook, I got word of another friend whose cancer has returned. It seems every friend I've had, who shared a breast cancer diagnosis and took chemotherapy, has either passed away or had their cancer return. I, on the other hand, am still here. I can't help but wonder why. 

PET scanner

My faith, I'm sure, is the key factor in all of this. Without it, I imagine I'd be gone, too. But I keep telling myself God has a reason for me to still be here. There must be something more I'm supposed to do. 

This is a hard, hard time of year though for so many people. 

I was looking back through my iCloud photos from the past year and realized I've not only lost several friends, but I'd also had many friends who've lost their spouses. My heart grieves for all the losses. Sometimes, life is so hard. 

Our tree

Not only that, at Christmas, families are supposed to be together but so many are broken. And while I wish I could say mine hasn't suffered that fate; it has. Oh, if only things could be the way they're supposed to be, but all we can do is keep on praying and keep on believing that one day, wounds will be healed, and fences mended. 

Gosh. I didn't mean for this to be such a depressing post! I'm sorry! Don't get the wrong idea - I do have hope. 

Christmas is one of my most favorite times of the year. I love decorating! I love buying gifts and wrapping them. I love having some of my children and grandchildren here for the holidays. Sure, I'd love to have them all here with me, but they have families of their own and I have to be understanding. 

My advent wreath

I remember the days when my children were small. I had to split the Christmas holidays between visiting my parents and my in laws. By the time the day was done, everyone was worn out. One year, we decided to stay home and enjoy Christmas at our house. You'd think we committed a mortal sin by the way the parents and in laws acted, but I didn't care. I wanted my children to enjoy a very special time in their own home. We invited people to join us at our house and eventually, they came around, but I never heard the end of it. Sometimes you have to fight for your rights, even if it makes others a little miffed. 

Over the past few days, I've taken a step back from all of the hullabaloo associated with Christmas prep. I've asked God to shift my focus. Thankfully, since Hanukkah overlaps Christmas this year, I've been able to celebrate that along with Advent. Both of those have helped me think more about God and His wonderful love for us.

My menorah & nativity

No matter what news I receive from this oncology visit, I'm going to look forward to celebrating the new year by taking one day at a time. 

The Bible says none of us are promised tomorrow. Since I was diagnosed with cancer, God's given me the gift of being able to see that in a very real way. 

I'm so thankful He's seen fit to let me continue to live a little longer. I sure hope I don't any of the blessings He's given me for granted. 

Please offer up a prayer for me tomorrow and thank you in advance.

Many blessings, 

Bonnie

Let go of the victim mentality

Victim. The dictionary defines victim as a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action. That about sums it up. It's how I see myself - as a victim of cancer. I didn't ask for cancer. I never expected it. But it came. And when it did, it did a number on me.

You'd think, after 8 years, I'd have let go of the victim mentality, but I haven't. I didn't even realize I was suffering from that type of thinking until recently. 

After a bout of Covid and then several consecutive illnesses, I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I blamed it all on cancer or cancer related fatigue, really, since cancer, as far as I knew, wasn't still active in my life. But ever since diagnosis, I haven't felt myself. My energy level was practically non-existent. I was finding it difficult to get through each day without making myself do the things I needed to do. Every day was exhausting but I pushed through and did what I needed to do anyway. 

It wasn't living, it was existing. There was no happiness or joy. I wanted to thrive, but I didn't know how. How do you celebrate life when it takes every ounce of energy to get through a day? 

Oh, I'd wake up each morning, thanking God that I'd made it one more day but as the day wore on and I faced one challenge after another, I wondered why it was so hard. So, I asked Him. On my face, in my prayer closet, I wept turning my burden over to the Lord. 

"Why can't I let go and break free?" I asked. In that still small voice, He said, "You've got to let go of the victim mentality." 

Though I heard the words clearly in my mind, I was shocked. Had I really been living that way? Had I been thinking that way? I didn't consider myself a victim...not really...but I guess, somewhere in the back of my mind, I did. 

Eight years had passed. You'd think I'd have long since left thoughts of cancer behind, wouldn't you? But that nagging fear had taken root and wouldn't let me go. Every ache, every pain, every uncontrollable thing my body did made me wonder if I was going to be under attack again. 

That's what cancer felt like to me - an attack, just like a rape or a robbery or some other violent crime, an unprovoked, unexpected assault on my person. No wonder I'd adopted a victim mentality!

After any kind of attack, whether it be health related or otherwise, the victim has to decide whether or not to survive. Something inside them has to "want to" keep living. Making that choice is crucial and can greatly impact one's future. 

So, I had to come to the realization that I wanted to live. Not only did I want to live, I wanted to live well. I wanted to do the things I enjoyed and have fun doing it. No longer did I want to allow my body, and the way it was feeling, to dictate my choices. 

I asked God to forgive me and asked Him to help release me from the victim mentality I'd been clinging to and I'm happy to say, He has! 

The day He revealed my stinkin' thinkin' to me, I was dumbfounded. First of, that He'd point out my flaw. But He didn't do it in an accusatory way, the way Satan would have, He quietly and sweetly whispered to my heart and said, "You've got to let go..." 

I knew, He wanted the best for me because that's the way my Abba is. He loves me unconditionally. He knew I needed to be set free and He gave me time to come to the point of need so He could swing wide the gate and point me to freedom. It had to be my choice. 

Since making the decision to let go, I've felt an indescribable weight lifted from my shoulders. No longer am I carrying around a burden I wasn't supposed to bear. Now, it's like I've been given a new lease on life. 

Sure, I still struggle with fear, worry, and anxiety and I probably always will. Those are weak spots in my armor, but I know, He's got me. He won't let me fail as long as I walk with Him and trust Him. And no matter what comes into my life, He's able to handle it. I won't have to handle it alone. That gives me great comfort. 

My calendar already has several upcoming trips on it and I'm looking forward to those. In the past, I'd be hesitant to go anywhere because of the possibility of catching Covid or having a health crisis. Now, I move forward in faith. 

I'm so glad God allowed me to see the error of my thinking. I'm thankful He loved me enough to point out improper thoughts and gave me the key to freedom. Now I can honestly say I'm working on learning to celebrate life in big ways and in small ways, every single day. 

A divine appointment

We'd just walked into Walmart on the coldest day of the year. There were no shopping carts in the corral, so Phil volunteered to go outside and get one. I moved deeper into the store, away from the cold blast of air that came in each time the automatic door opened and found myself standing near a growing stack of Coca Cola products. I watched as a young black man lifted and stacked cases one on top of another. After a few minutes, I felt the prompting of the Holy Spirit. "Talk to him about me."

So, I walked over to the man and said, "That's the best song ever, isn't it?" Before he could answer, I noticed he had earbuds in his ears and wondered if he'd heard my question. Pulling one out he said, "Yeh." And I continued, "Don't you just love Dobie Gray's, Drift Away?" Day after day, I'm more confused... the music played on as I talked to the young man. I was thankful I had his attention. He stopped working and listened as I said, "Can I ask you a question?" He answered, "Sure, Ma'am." I said, "How can I pray for you today?" I could see him take a step back and slightly hesitate before answering. He said, "Wow. Just wow. I don't believe it." I asked what he didn't believe and he said, "I was just having a moment and then you came up." I asked his name and he said, "Howard." I said, "Howard, my name is Bonnie. Let's step over here and I'm going to pray for you." I took his arm and we moved to the side of the cases of cola, out of the line of foot traffic entering the store. Bowing my head, I began to pray. 

I don't know how long we stood there and I can't remember exactly what I said. I know the Holy Spirit was giving me the words and Howard was listening. When I ended the prayer, I looked up and Howard's eyes were filled with tears. I told him that God cared about him and He planned our meeting on this day. Howard agreed that God had brought us together. I wished him well and turned to see my husband standing there with the cart. As we moved toward the produce, I turned to smile and wave goodbye to Howard. 

Moving up and down the aisles, we gathered various grocery items packing our cart to the brim. As we pulled onto the aisle with cases of water, there was Howard again. I smiled a big smile, pointed, and said, "HEY! We've got to stop meeting like this." He smiled a huge smile and said, "I knew I'd see you again." I walked closer to him and he said, "Can I have a hug?" I gave him a big bear hug and turned to walk away but remembered something in my purse. Reaching inside, I pulled out a small, leather CWT New Testament I'd been given many years earlier when I was part of the Christian Witnessing Training program. I'd cherished that slimline Bible and loved that it fit so neatly in my purse, but at that very moment, I felt like I was supposed to give it to Howard. 

Turning to John 14, I slipped the book marker in place and handed it to him. I asked him to read John 14 and 15 when he had time. I told him I'd marked it for him and though the Bible was in the King James translation, I told him God would help him understand it. Before I left, I read him verse 1 of chapter 14 aloud, "Do not let your hearts be troubled, you believe in God, believe also in Me." Howard looked stunned and said, "Wow" again. Digging through my purse, I tried to find a pen. I wanted to inscribe something in the Bible for Howard but couldn't find one. I was frustrated. I always have a pen in my purse because I'm always writing, but for some reason, today, I didn't have one. 

I asked Phil if he'd mind running over to the school supply area and picking up a pen for me. I assumed I'd see Howard again before we left the store and then I'd have a chance to inscribe the Bible for him. While Phil went to get the pen, I continued shopping. 

Fifteen or so minutes passed before we crossed paths with Howard again. This time, he spoke first, "I knew I'd see you one more time before you left the store!" He sounded excited and happy. I grinned at him and said, " I want to write something in your Bible for you." He handed it to me and I wrote a sweet sentiment for him. As I handed the book back to him, he said, "I'll never forget this day." 

We didn't see Howard again as we made our way to the front of the store to check out, but I prayed our conversation blessed him. I don't know why God allowed our paths to cross but I could tell that Howard was struggling. 

Over the years, I've learned to stop and obey when the Holy Spirit speaks to my heart and prompts me to witness to someone. In those times, I've come to the realization that I was not only giving, but receiving a blessing. 

I could have pretended not to hear the Holy Spirit's voice when He said, "Tell him about me." I could have kept walking past the young black man stacking boxes. I could have never looked him in the eyes or spoken a word to him and he would have kept on working - nothing about his day being different in any way. But God. God wanted me to have a close encounter. He wanted me to SEE Howard. He wanted me to care about Howard's needs. He wanted me to share some of Christ's love with Howard. 

I have no idea what Howard was dealing with. He didn't share a lot of detail about his life. Even though I don't know his needs, God does, and when we were praying, I asked God to meet each of Howard's needs in a very special way so I'm sure He will. 

I told Howard I wanted to see him in heaven and I sure hope I'll get to see him there one day. There are so many people living their lives in a state of confusion, especially in these rocky times in our world. It seems we're all sort of drifting away, but we don't have to. Those of us who know the truth of God's Word have to be ready to share the hope of our future with others. We have to give them something to cling to - the one and only something- Someone who matters - Jesus. 

If you ever hear a tiny whisper in the back of your mind that says, "Tell them about me.." Do it! God will use your obedience and He will bless it. I know. He's done it over and over again for me. 

Where to begin?

It's already the 5th of December and it seems like we're on a fast slide to the end of the year. I think many would agree, we won't be sad to see 2020 end. But thinking about the end of the year also brings about feelings of trepidation for the New Year. While I want to feel hope and excitement, I can't shake this feeling of concern. 

Of course, no one knows what the future holds, and I'd certainly never want that responsibility, but as Christ followers, we must place our trust where it belongs - with Jesus, no matter what may come our way. I tell myself that every single day. Proverbs 3:4-6 has become my motto: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths." 

Those verses offer comfort even in our current days of uncertainty. They speak directly to our needs, both emotional and spiritual. I'm so thankful for God's Word. Without it, I'd surely be lost. 

Okay, enough preaching! Let me tell you about our most recent mini-vacation. 

Phil and I drove up to Mineral Bluff, Georgia, on the last day of November. We'd planned a 4 day spiritual retreat in the beautiful mountains of North Georgia. We'd never stayed in Mineral Bluff before but were pleasantly surprised that the cabin we'd chosen had a spectacular view of the Appalachian mountains. The view was so stunning, we couldn't help but stand on the large porch and ogle for hours. And while we did, we could only think, if this is how majestic God's creation is here on earth, imagine what it will be like when we see heaven! 

Sunrise over the mountains

 

While there, we received the gift snow and lots of it. We ended up with about 3 inches. It was absolutely wonderful to watch the large, feathery, powder soft flakes fall while we sat by a roaring fire watching the movie, Little Women. It certainly got us into the Christmas spirit. 

We didn't do much over the next several days other than read, eat, pray, and play a game of pool. 

The trip had been purposefully planned to consult God about our future. There are so many things looming in front of us and we wanted to make sure we didn't jump ahead of God on any of our plans. 

At the end of our stay, both Phil and I had peace about several large decisions we needed to make. I'm so thankful we're both believers and desire most of all, to always put God first in our lives. 

Our beautiful view each day

 

Now that we're back home, we're smack dab in the middle of reality. Our focus is on so many things- especially the health of friends and loved ones. We have much to pray about every day. 

We did manage to get the Christmas tree up and decorated, and I started thinking of ways to use all the apples we bought in the mountains. So far, I've made three loaves of Cinnamon Apple Toasted Pecan bread and I plan to make Apple Butter, Apple Jelly, and Applesauce soon.  

I have several doctors appointments coming up in the next two weeks. I'll see the cardiologist, my oncologist, and my primary doc. I'm praying everything is good and I won't need any scans or tests before the end of the year.

Along with Christmas plans, we also have another vacation before the end of the year. This time, we'll be at the beach and we're so looking forward to it. Jamie, my youngest daughter, will be joining us. It should be a great end to this otherwise challenging year. 

God has been so good to us and blesses us each day. We are grateful. The future is in His hands. No matter how crazy our world seems, He's still on the throne and still in control. I'm so thankful for that.

Every Day Should Be a Day of Thanksgiving

This morning, I woke up at 5:55 a.m. It's getting to be a thing. For the past several months, God shakes me awake at precisely 5:55 a.m.

The first time it happened, I didn't think anything of it. I got up, went into the kitchen, fixed a cup of cappuccino and began my devotional time. The second time, I thought it odd that I was awake at exactly 5:55 a.m om the nose. But subsequently, I've come to realize, God has picked this very specific time for me. 

In Gematria, the number 5 symbolizes creation, as in God's creation of man. Gematria is the study of numbers and their significance as they are used in the Bible. The number 555 in Jewish Gematria equals the word "today." Each letter has it's own number. t=100 o=50 d=4 a=1 y=400. Add them all up and you get 555. So, I guess maybe the Lord wants me to wake up at the specific time to remember He is the almighty creator and He created me and He wants my undivided attention today (and every day at 5:55 a.m.) Whew! Didn't mean to focus on all that, but hey...you learn something new every day, right? 

It doesn't matter what time the Lord wakes me to spend time with Him. I'm honored to do so. And this morning, He took me to Psalm 100 - the hymn all about giving thanks. How appropriate! Today is Thanksgiving!!!

Yesterday, I spent most of the day preparing food for today's meal. As I worked, I thought about all of God's provision for our family over the years. He has been so good to us. His faithfulness has remained constant and I know it will continue because He's promised that to those who love Him. 

I also thought about family members who've gone on to be with the Lord. My mother, my father, my grandparents, my in-laws, so many aunts, uncles, and cousins. I thought about their lives and how thankful I was to have known each of them. 

As I wrapped up my cooking, I began praying for several friends and family members who're facing their own battle with cancer right now. As I prayed, I gave thanks for each one of them and asked God to meet their specific needs for upcoming tests, for comfort, for peace, for healing. 

I didn't realize it until I heard my own voice, but at some point, I'd begun speaking out loud, as if another person was in the room with me. As I've gotten older, I find I do this more and more. God and I have some real time conversations and I treat those as if I'm talking with my very best friend. I think that makes God smile. And it helps me feel less alone during the day. 

Jesus is our constant companion. 2 Timothy 4:17 says, "For the Lord stood with me and gave me strength." His Holy Spirit never leaves us and we know, He considers us His friends because John 15:14-15 says, "You are my friends if you do what I command. ¹⁵ I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you."

As I wrapped up my time of prayer with him and put the last piece of Saran wrap over the food I'd prepared, I thanked God for my life. Six and a half years ago, I wasn't so sure I'd be here. 

The day I received my cancer diagnosis, I also felt like I'd been handed a death sentence. I think a lot of people feel the same way. In talking with many of my friends and those I've met online through cancer support sites, that reaction is common. 

In all reality, every day should be a day of Thanksgiving for the person with cancer, but also for the one without cancer. 

We should always acknowledge our gratitude toward Christ for all He's given us, for all He's done for us, and for all His many blessings. 

As I gather with family today, to offer up thanks to my Heavenly Father, I hope I'll remember to thank Him tomorrow with as much gusto as I will today. 

I love the way Psalm 100 tells us to give praise to the Lord:

 "Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness;
 come before him with joyful songs. Know that the Lord is God.  It is he who made us, and we are his
 we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations."

I highlighted the verbs to remind myself of my responsibility in thanksgiving. 

I pray you and your family will have a wonderful time of celebration. May ever day be a day we offer the gift of thanksgiving back to our Father, for He deserves our praise. 

Happy to still be cancer free!

Waiting

Yesterday, I had my six month check up at the cancer treatment center. It's always a harrowing day for me. Just knowing I have to go there makes me a nervous wreck. I guess because I have such a fear of recurrence, it debilitates me.

As I readied for my appointment, I began to get very nervous. I was so nervous, I was trembling. Normally, I'm not an anxious person but since I've had cancer, things have changed.

At my last visit, the doctor and I talked about this. He explained this is very normal and is a form of post cancer PTSD. The trauma of the cancer experience affects a person much in the same way a person who's been to war feels. Loud noises,crowds, and anything out of the normal routine cause feelings of anxiety. That's one reason he prescribed an anti-anxiety medication for me. I only take it when I absolutely need it and I felt I needed it before the visit to the cancer treatment center, so I took one.

After taking the medication, I drove myself to the treatment center. It's a huge center serving all of Southeast Georgia and people come from all over the world to receive care there. Just finding a parking space is a huge challenge because of the volume of patients they see each day, but after driving up and down the rows for several minutes, I managed to find one fairly close to the door.

My bracelet

Taking a deep breath, I said a quick prayer and headed inside. As I entered the facility, I passed a bald woman sitting in a wheelchair. I gave her a big smile and thanked God I wasn't in her shoes. Although I don't understand it, God, in His mercy and grace, has allowed me to do well to date.

Each time a person visits the cancer treatment center, they must stop at the registration desk and receive a badge. No one is admitted without one. After I checked in, I proceeded to the port lab. Although I don't have a port and hopefully never will need one, that's where they do all the blood work.

After the blood draw

I sat in their waiting room for about ten minutes and read before being called back. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the men and women waiting for their turns. One very frail black woman was sharing with another woman about her recent tests. I didn't want to eavesdrop but it was hard to avoid hearing their conversation since they were right in front of me. I noticed the woman wasn't doing well. She had a disposable bag in her hand just in case she felt ill. I was thankful I wasn't going through a period of nausea and vomiting.

Soon my name was called. I followed the lab tech into the drawing room and had a seat. She noticed my compression sleeves and asked where she could draw blood. I explained she could only use my left hand and must use a butterfly needle to draw. She asked me to wait and in a few minutes, she returned with another tech. She needed someone to change out the vials for her as she used the butterfly. I thought it funny that they needed to tag team merely to take a few vials of blood.

After the blood work had been done, I walked to a quiet area in the center to read. It was an hour before my next appointment and it wouldn't be worthwhile to go home and come back again.

The area I was in wasn't quiet for long. Every few minutes, someone was going down the hall. So many people were in wheelchairs and needed assistance getting to their next appointment. Once again, I gave thanks for my well being.

Time passed quickly as I read and soon the alarm on my phone was telling me I needed to head to the clinic to see the doctor.

Arriving at the clinic, I met with the nurse's assistant and had my vitals recorded - weight, blood pressure, pulse, and temperature. Next, I was taken to a room and went into waiting mode again. After about twenty minutes, the doctor came in. I was unfamiliar with the doctor but apparently she was one of my doctor's partners. She was polite and listened well. She went over my test results and said everything looked fine other than my Vitamin D level was a bit low. I was happy to hear I didn't need to return for another 6 months.

Before my next appointment, with the nutritionist, I took the elevator up to the second floor. I wanted to stop by and spend some time in the chapel.

The prayer wall

The chapel is a beautiful, peaceful place and I always enjoy going in there. It's so quiet and is a good place to spend time in prayer. I was surprised to find a new brick wall in the room and it was covered in slips of paper. Tiny prayer requests had been shoved into the cracks of the wall between the stones. I thought it ironic since I'll be going to Israel in 2 months and one of the highlights of my trip will be going to the Wailing Wall. The Wailing Wall is a sacred place and people from all around the world visit each year. One their visits, they leave special prayer or praises recorded on tiny slips of paper. When the wall gets too full of paper, the slips are removed and buried on the Mount of Olives.

After my time of prayer, my next stop was to visit the Cancer Thriver's corner. I always try to stop in and see what activities are scheduled for the month. Usually they offer classes such as drumming, cooking, or various art activities all free for cancer survivors. This time they didn't have anything scheduled that I was interested in so I went down the hall to the free library. I'm always looking for a good book to read and thought on my next visit I'd bring a big stack of donations from my personal library.

A reminder to keep fighting

The meeting with the nutritionist didn't take very long. She just asked how I was doing and wondered if I was having any issues with my diet. Since I wasn't, she just recommended some supplements she thought might benefit me and I was done.

It was such a joy to leave the cancer treatment center! I hate going there and feeling death. It hovers there, it seems, like a huge vulture waiting to swoop in and take its next victim.

On my way home, I couldn't help but think how very blessed I am. Stage 2B invasive ductal carcinoma with metastasis to the lymph nodes was my initial diagnosis. Normally, that would have required chemotherapy and radiation along with surgery and hormone therapy. But my faith in God allowed me to choose not to take chemotherapy and not to use the follow up hormone therapy (although I did try it for a few months and got extremely sick from it.)

I continue to follow my natural health regimen which includes lots of green tea, ashwaghanda, turmeric, and a host of other supplements. So far, so good so I must be doing something right.

It amazes me how many people think they have to do exactly what the doctor recommends without doing any research on their own. Since it's my body, I always do a lot of research before I take any recommended medication or treatment. I feel that's my responsibility but I understand many others don't feel the same way. In any event, I'm just thankful. I'm thankful things have gone so well and continue to do so. I never want a recurrence of cancer and hopefully, I won't ever have one.

The lost is found!

Happy me!

First thing this morning, I received a video from my Aunt. It was an inspirational video on the topic of God still answers prayer. As I watched it, my heart skipped a few beats because I know firsthand God still answers prayer in my life and does so on a daily basis.

Weeks ago, I realized I'd lost my necklace. I turned my house upside down for the past couple of weeks looking frantically for this very sentimental piece of jewelry. I'd had the necklace made over twenty years ago when my first wedding ring (from my husband Phil) had been accidentally crushed leaving only the front of the ring and diamonds in tact. Before having the necklace made from my ring, I also wanted to incorporate a diamond my daughter Laura had won at the opening of a jewelry store about the same time my ring had been damaged. My intention was to leave this necklace as an heirloom to her one day. The diamonds in the necklace probably don't total more than a carat or so but the necklace was extremely valuable to me.

Right after watching the video from my aunt this morning, I kept feeling the need to walk into my closet. Standing in the middle of my big walk in closet amidst all the racks of clothing, I felt God speak to my heart and tell me to look up. As I looked up, my eyes instantly fell on a blouse hanging on a hanger. As I looked closer, I noticed something hanging around the top of the hanger. I took the blouse down from the rack and lo and behold...my necklace was there in all its glory!

I was so thankful to have my precious necklace back but more importantly, I was thankful God used that video to prompt me to remember my prayer request from over 2 weeks back. When I'd lost the necklace and couldn't find it, I told God I knew He knew where it was even though I didn't. I knew He knew how special it was to me and I asked Him to please allow me to find it. I'd left that prayer request at His feet and this morning, He answered it.

Some folks might think it's silly to pray for something as trivial as a lost necklace but I don't think so. I know God wants to bless us and He cares not only about our needs but also about our heart's desires. Jesus, in Luke chapter 15:3-6 of the Bible, says this: “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’

Now I know my necklace doesn't compare to a lost sheep, especially back in Biblical times when that was their livelihood, but that necklace was precious to me and God knew it. I'm sharing all this to say, Rejoice with me over God's faithfulness! He does still answer prayer and He does still hear those little bitty heartfelt cries we send up to Heaven. 19 days after I prayed and asked for Him to show me where the necklace was hidden, He did!

And by the way, Jesus, while sharing the parable about the lost sheep wasn't just wanting his disciples to focus on the found animal. He was using that analogy to help them understand He cares about lost souls. In verse 7 of that chapter, He says this: "I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent."

Hopefully, I've given you something to smile about as you rejoice with me over my found necklace but more importantly, I hope I've given you some food for thought, too. God still hears and He still answers. Don't be afraid or embarrassed to voice your prayer needs to your Heavenly Father...no matter how small or insignificant they may seem to be. He cares about what we care about because He loves us unconditionally. And that's the best kind of love you can ever receive.

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