Journey Out of Pink

2016 is coming to a close and with it, a year of transition. While I would like to say this has been a year filled with nothing but blessings, I have to be honest and say it's been a year filled with many challenges, too. My focus this year has shifted from revolving completely around health issues to learning to love myself. That probably seems like a strange thing for a 59 year old to say but it's the truth. I haven't loved myself, in fact, I haven't really even liked myself. That may come as a surprise to family or close friends who take the time to read my blog especially since I always try to emit an air of self confidence. It's been hard to admit I don't really know who I am. I've always been something or someone to everyone one else...a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a friend, but who am I really? These past few months, I've begun to delve into and answer that question. I'm sure 2017 will yield more clarity as I continue to seek out my ide

Yesterday was a very hard day for me. I lost another friend. Linda and I met almost immediately after I'd been diagnosed with breast cancer. We connected through an internet breast cancer site and found we had so many things in common. Many people might have a hard time understanding how I can call her my friend when I've never met her in person, but through internet conversations, emails, cards and letters, and Facebook, we forged quite a friendship. Linda and I shared the same type of cancer, invasive ductal carcinnoma and we both were diagnosed stage 2. I was stage 2B and she wasn't sure, but thought she was stage 2 A, barely a difference where we were concerned. We shared our treatment plans and spent days comparing notes on how we were feeling and areas we were struggling to overcome. We also shared encouraging words and found our faith to be another common denominator. Linda took a different route with treatment than I did. She did everything exactly as the doct

Wednesdays...hump days. Today was a cold winter one but I'd slept well last night and felt great. I didn't have anything pressing to do other than to run by my doctor's office for some blood work. I thought I'd be in and out in a few minutes but ended up waiting there for over an hour. The office was crowded. Thankfully, there was a seat in the rear of the waiting room and it was empty. As I sat among the coughing and cell phone conversations, I wished I'd had a paper mask to place over my mouth and nose. With a weakened immune system, I was fearful about catching germs. After having my blood drawn, I headed to the parking lot trying to think of something to do. I'd already done all my housework the day before so nothing was pressing. I got in my car and started to drive. I'd head to Goodwill. This would be a great time of year to peruse the aisles as I was sure they'd be full due to donations received before the holidays. I always enjoy shopping at Go

This morning, as I was busy doing some heavy duty cleaning in my bedroom, I found a tangled cluster of watches. I'd tucked this tangle of Fossil, Timex, Armitron, and Lorus,watches away after my life was forever changed by breast cancer. Although time was pretty much the only thing on my mind, I didn't want to spend a single moment focused on how much time I had left or how much time I'd already lost. I stopped wearing watches. After giving up on these time keepers, I found a new freedom. The 1440 minutes of each day seemed longer and more precious. I didn't want a single one to slip away. The frozen faces of these watches stare up at me, their hands fixed. I gather the mess of metal and leather and hold it tightly feeling the weight of them pressed against my skin. It is then I realize not only has time stopped, but I've stopped. I've stopped living my life. I've stopped being me. I look in the mirror and wonder who's looking back at me. I don'

I want to take a few minutes to share an example of God's faithfulness and provision in my life. In late 2014, after surgery for breast cancer, I developed Lymphedema in both arms. Lymphedema is a painful condition where lymphatic fluid pools in the extremities and other areas of the body where the normal flow of lymphatic fluid is disrupted. The 15 chamber pump my doctor wanted me to have Earlier in the year, my oncologist ordered a recirculating compression pump to aid in dispersing the fluid and easing the pain in my arms however, the  pump he originally ordered was denied by my insurance company. They considered it medically unnecessary and told me I'd have to take another model that should work just as well. Without much choice, I agreed to accept the 8 chamber model and tried it for several months with no success. (You may remember my earlier post about that pump where I was trapped and couldn't get out by myself. You can re-read that post here .) The 8 chamber

A broken wrist can certainly thwart the best intentions of keeping a blog up to date, believe me, I know. To say the past few weeks have been challenging would be an understand, but I've managed. Learning to do things with one hand wasn't fun but it was doable. My mantra has always been "where there's a will, there's a way." And there has been. Anyone who knows me will tell you I'm a very determined person. When I set my mind on getting something done, I will do it! My determination allowed me to get my Christmas decorations out and put into place. After a bit of sweet talking, I got my husband to bring in the artificial tree so I could decorate it too. This year, our tree is a Jesus tree. We decided to veer away from our traditional trees of the past and change it up. Our tree is covered with the names of Christ and the names of God and that's the way it should be! As Christians, everything we say and do should point others to Christ so why not o

The title for this blog post must be a little confusing but if you'll bear with me, I'll do my best to explain. It was a bright and beautiful day. My daughter and granddaughter had come to visit. It's always fun to have them spend the day with me. At three years of age, Heather loves to be outside so I wasn't surprised when she came in and immediately wanted to go out to play. One of her favorite things to do is play with balls. Since I'm her favorite playmate, I never mind when her little hand reaches up and she says, "C'mon, Gigi." As we head outside, her tiny laughter melts my heart. We toss the ball back and forth for several minutes. Her eye hand coordination hasn't developed fully yet so she misses the ball often. Though she doesn't mind, she finds it funny to ask me to retrieve the ball whenever she misses. Being a good Gigi, I obey her gentle commands and chase after the rogue ball. This toss and miss game continues a little longer. W

My granddaughter, Heather It was a good day until I fell into that hole! My granddaughter and I had been outside playing catch when suddenly the ball rolled down hill. As her little voice exclaimed, "Get it Gigi," I smiled and ran after the ball. The ground was covered with a blanket of leaves. Running through them I worried about sliding. Instead of sliding, I stepped into a deep hole. Falling backward, I stuck out my left arm to brace for the fall. As soon as I did it I knew it was a mistake. The swelling was almost instantaneous. My daughter tried to help me up but I told her I wanted to sit a few minutes. While coming to grips with the fact that one minute I had been up and the next minute I was down, my granddaughter continued to play. I have no idea how long I sat on the hard ground, but thought it wise not to get up in a hurry. When I was finally able to get to my feet, my daughter and I went inside. With concern in her voice, my daughter asked if I was okay. I g

The Honda Valkyrie Morning comes too early. The alarm sounds this truth. Rousing from the warmth of my bed, I slide cold feet into velvet soft slippers and glide into the bathroom. Groggy eyed, I reach behind the curtain to turn on water. Shivering, I disrobe and enter. The warm against my back feels delightful. I long to stand and soak for days. Instead, I hurry knowing my friend will soon arrive. An adventure has been planned. After donning clothes and eating breakfast, I hear the sound in my driveway, a low, soft rumble. Swiftly, she rides up parking the Honda Valkyrie with swift skill. She comes in for a few minutes and looks over my clothing. "It's cold outside," she says with emphasis on the word cold. I rethink my wardrobe. Underneath jeans and long sleeve shirt are silk long johns, but my friend has no clue. They're thin but efficient. The jacket. She looks at my jacket and points. "That needs help," she smiles. She's brutally honest at ti

I step into brisk Autumn air. Wind dances wild, leaves dip and swirl. Standing beneath sentry Pines, I look up. Sky, brilliant blue, kissed  by morning sunshine smiles down at me. Something inside whispers, "Change is coming." Leaves gently float. Evidence of change is in all nature this time of year. Deadness slowly sloughs to make ready for Spring's newness. Stirring in my heart matches the  season. Alive and hopefilled, I revel. This feeling, priceless. Maybe it has something to do with wind whispers gently caressing my soul, calling come and dance...leave the baggage of care behind...my heart leaps. Ginger colored leaves blanket the lawn. As wind blows, trees shimmy and shake releasing brown beauties. Watching, they glide to the ground, slowly, slowly, falling. One on top of the other, they rest. I fight the urge to run, breaking and cracking. Memories come. The laughter, the falling, the mounding. But the burying! The burying was best!  My siblings and I treasure

it's time to do another train of thought exercise and today seemed like the perfect day i just got home from the grocery store and what an experience that was i don't usually go to the store by myself because it's difficult with the swelling in my arms hubby usually carries the groceries for me and makes my life easier but he was working today and we were out of a lot of things and it just made sense for me to go while i had the opportunity there were so many people there and i wondered why none of these folks worked during the middle of the week the store was like a bee hive people buzzing all around spending money and getting ready for the weekend and that's basically why i was there too getting ready for the weekend as i shopped i saw halloween decorations in almost every department i'd gone to walmart to do my grocery shopping since i didn't have to buy any meat this time i don't like to buy meat at walmart because i don't trust it i've seen pe

October has been designated as breast cancer awareness month. Many breast cancer survivors have come to know the month as the dreaded “Pinktober.” While pinking things up is meant to raise breast cancer awareness, it often sparks mixed feelings among those who’ve felt the effects of breast cancer. In conjunction with breast cancer awareness month, a campaign called “National No Bra Day,” began in 2011. According to a news article , published by ABC7, “People are encouraged to ditch their lingerie to raise awareness about the disease, raise money for research, and to support survivors.” The social media campaign purports freeing the breasts as a fun way to bring awareness to the need for annual mammograms and testing to prevent breast cancer. But does it really? As a breast cancer survivor, I’d like to give you my perspective. When I was a young girl, I couldn’t wait to get my first bra. At the first sign of breast buds, my mother purchased a training bra for me. That lacy little

Light filtered through trees as brown leaves floated gently on wind. Sky, brilliant blue, held tight the secret of a lingering hurricane. Hummers hummed filling with sweet nectar. Today would be a good day, a beautiful gift waiting to be unwrapped. In the kitchen, sandwiches stacked, I packed. We were going on a picnic! It was one of our favorite things to do. Surrounded by leaves and trees, we could forget. Worries melt away outdoors. We needed this day. There had been too much work and too much stress. We longed for peace.  Along winding tree filled roads we traveled. Farmland spread wide and free. Cows dotted pastures and large hay rolls sat sentry. The sun illuminated nature's glorious canvas. My eyes memorized as hubby chauffeured. Expectations voiced, we continued forward.  Dowdell's Knob An hour passed and we'd reached our destination, F.D.R. State Park, Georgia's largest state park. It'd been a while since we'd been here and we'd forg

Rory's new book Last night my husband and I went to see the showing of the movie, "To Joey, With Love." Yes, we saw it about a month after it first came out, but that's okay. We wanted to see it. I needed to see it. The movie was based on the real life story of Joey Feek, country music artist, and her battle with ovarian cancer. For two years, Joey fought valiantly to live. She wanted to continue to mother her little one, a beautiful daughter named Indiana. And while she was fighting to live, cancer continued to grow and metastasize in her body. I'd followed Rory's blog on the internet for months and months. Rory felt it was important to share their life with those who loved and cared about them. Day by day, he shared the story of their lives and their faith. It was beautiful and heartfelt. Last night, as we sat in the movie theater, there were about 15 people there. Movies like this aren't very popular, I guess, but I was thankful the theater a