Ready for Spring

These cold, dreary days are so depressing! The bare trees and gray skies exacerbate my feelings of longing. I'm ready for Spring, for the hope of new life it brings and for the anticipation of what the remainder of the year holds. 

I've often wondered why God instilled in bears the instinct to hibernate in the winter. How do they know when to start fattening up on food and preparing their dens? I like to think God has put an internal clock inside them and as time draws near, He pricks them with a sense of urgency. You wouldn't think big, burly bears would need to spend months sleeping, but they do. And when their time of rest is up, they groggily come out of their dens starving. As they go in search of berries or other sustenance, their weakened state becomes strong again. They move forward ready to resume activity, mate, and bear babies. 

Gray days make me want to curl up into a ball and sleep for days, but I don't. Of course, when the days are shorter, I do tend to go to bed earlier, but I don't sleep well and that makes the long nights seem even longer. So I normally try to stay busy doing something - whether it's reading and enjoying a hot cup of tea, painting some piece of art a friend or family member might enjoy, or taking walks with my husband. Sometimes those things get boring and feel antsy, but I know, if I hold out, Spring will be here soon. 

My roses already have new growth on them. Seeing the dark, reddish leaves budding helps me cling to the fact that winter will soon be over. The time change will take place, the days will be longer, and it will feel like there's a reason to be alive again. Hmmm....reading that just made me realize what the problem is - I think I have a touch of S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder). It's a condition that causes people to become depressed during winter. Often medication or daylight simulating lamps can help. 

As I continue to mark the days off the calendar and countdown to Spring, I have to look for ways to overcome feelings of winter blues. If I was a bear I could hibernate and not worry about it, but I'm not so I'll do the best I can and look forward to what's to come. I can't wait til the bluebirds start to nest, they're so cheery and colorful. And they make me feel happy.

Winter Blues

This is the time of year when many people suffer from S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) Basically what it means is that because of the shorter days, colder temps, and lack of exposure to sunlight vitamin D levels drop. This drop can cause feelings of depression/sadness. 

I'll admit, I've felt it this past week. It's been so cold outside we've stayed huddled up indoors. Doing so has limited our contact with others and that adds to feelings or isolation and depression. This is a hard thing to accept, especially when you're a person who enjoys being outside going and doing. 

There are ways to combat S.A.D. like installing special light bulbs in your light fixtures, but those can be expensive. What I've found works for me is taking time to sit near a window or door during the warmest part of the day. As I allow sunlight to filter down on me, I not only feel the warmth, I can bask in the light. Typically, I'll close my eyes and use that time to reflect on the good things God's done in my life, but sometimes, I just sit enjoying the peacefulness. And when weather permits, we'll get in the car and take a drive. Heading into the sun, I can soak up vitamin D as it pours in the front windshield, but that makes sunglasses a must! It can get awfully bright and my eyes are very sensitive. 

Visiting friends or family can also help when one is suffering from S.A.D. Just being around others helps shift focus and that's my plan for today. To shift from the winter blues into the coziness of happy. Love can do that. 

How do you cope with the winter blues? Do you distract yourself by doing something you love? Often I take time to pass the days by focusing on hobbies I enjoy - like painting, making jewelry, reading, or baking. It's important to find ways to pass the dark, gray days of winter. 

Before we know it, Spring will be here. That's when we begin to see new life, not only in plants around us, but also in ourselves if we look hard enough. God gave us seasons and I like to think He did it to keep us from being bored to death! It would stink if every day was a chilly winter one or even a blazing hot summer one. Variety is the spice of life and I definitely need it. How about you?

Christmas Blues

 It's 8 days until Christmas and I'm feeling a little blue. This year won't be a traditional Christmas for me. I don't like it when my normal routine is disturbed and this year, it's already started out weird. 

I love Christmas and having all of my children and grandchildren around, but that hasn't happened for years now. Since my kids are all grown and have families of their own, they make plans that don't always include us. It makes me sad. I guess I'm stuck in the Walton world. 

If only things could be the way I'd like them to be! I'd have a beautiful, snowy Christmas morning and after a quick breakfast, I'd hear a knock at the door. I'd open it and one of my children would be there - hugs, smiles, and laughter would ensue. As we'd usher in each family group, the house would be filled with chatter. It would feel cozy and warm. My heart would swell with excitement. I'd need no other gift than the gift of presence - their presence, which I am already missing this year. 

My middle daughter came to celebrate an early Christmas with us yesterday and while it was nice, it was odd. It was too quiet and quick. I felt lonely and disappointed when they left and wanted a do over, but I won't get it. 

I won't get to see my oldest son at all this year. He and his family will gather at their house and have their own celebration. I miss them so much and wish we could see them, but am trying my best to understand I have to let go. 

My oldest daughter lives in Texas. It's too far for them to come home to be with us. We'll probably get a FaceTime call sometime on Christmas day, but it's not the same. I miss them, too. 

I do have a consolation prize, however. My youngest daughter will join us for Christmas this year. At least I'll have one of my kiddos with us on the actual day and that will help things feel a little more normal, but it'll still be different. 

I guess I should be happy I'll have one child with me. There are so many of my friends who'll be spending Christmas alone this year. I can't even begin to imagine what that feels like. My heart goes out to them. 

Why do our expectations seem to be so high at Christmas? I don't like it, not one little bit. 

I'll do my best to smile and be happy on the outside this holiday, but on the inside, I'll be crying. 

Sometimes I wonder if something is really wrong with me. When I got married and had my family, I always made a special effort to go over and visit my parents on Christmas day. It was a joyous time of celebration and we made so many precious memories with my siblings and their families. Why do kids not value that sense of family any more? 

Our world is so different these days. 

I can't help thinking of Jamie Lee Curtis in the movie, Christmas with the Kranks. Her husband, Tim Allen, talks her into taking a vacation for Christmas since their daughter won't be able to come home for the holidays. After pondering it, she finally agrees. As her excitement builds and she prepares for the trip, she gets a big surprise. Her daughter calls with a change of plans. Immediately, she shifts gears and tries to pull together all of the familiar traditions she loves. It ends up being a neighborhood effort to bring a sweet holiday to fruition and maybe that's what I'm secretly hoping for...

My husband keeps telling me to take one day at a time, but it's so hard. He asked me earlier today what I wanted for Christmas. I told him I don't need a thing. The blues have hit me hard this year. I don't want anything for Christmas except my family all together under one roof. Is that too much to ask?

And while I'm being a whiney little brat, I can't help but think about two friends of mine. One's father has just found out his cancer from over 20 years ago has come back. The other, who was diagnosed the same year as me, has had to fight continually for the past 9+ years. She's gone through so much and is still having difficulty. I'm sure both of them would wish for wellness this Christmas and I'd love to see them get it, but I still want my family around me. I can't help it. I need them. 

I don't want to be this way, really, I don't. Christmas isn't about what I want. It's about Jesus, but it sure would be nice to celebrate His birth with the ones I love. Maybe next year.