Busted in the Backyard

Before I married my first husband, David and I spent a lot of time visiting his cousin Pat and her husband Ron. They were fun people, and their backyard featured what seemed like the greatest luxury imaginable on a sweltering Georgia summer night, an above-ground swimming pool.

One particular evening, after the four of us had spent hours talking and laughing, Pat and Ron announced they were heading to bed. David and I exchanged a glance. The night air was thick with humidity, and the pool water looked inviting beneath the moonlight. Somewhere between youthful courage and questionable judgment, David suggested we go for a late-night swim. Then he added two words that nearly stopped my heart: "skinny dipping."

I had never done such a thing in my life. The very idea made me nervous. But David was persuasive, and eventually I agreed. We waited until we were absolutely certain Pat and Ron were asleep. Like a pair of amateur spies, we tiptoed across the backyard, trying not to make a sound. We slipped into the cool water and congratulated ourselves on our successful mission. There we were, floating beneath the stars, feeling quite clever and certain we'd gotten away with our little adventure.

For about twenty minutes, everything went according to plan.

Then suddenly, without warning, the backyard security light blazed to life.

One second we were hidden in darkness. The next, we were illuminated like the grand opening of a new department store. Every ounce of confidence instantly evaporated. I froze. David froze. We stared toward the house, and there stood Pat, who had apparently heard enough suspicious splashing to investigate.

I have never moved so fast in my entire life.

To this day, I don't remember exactly how I got out of that pool, gathered my dignity, and found my clothes. I only remember being absolutely mortified while Pat laughed so hard she could barely stand up. As for David, he thought the whole thing was hilarious.

Years have passed since that summer night, and thankfully my embarrassment has faded. What remains is a memory that still makes me smile. It's funny how life works. The moments we wish would disappear forever often become the stories we laugh about the longest. And while I wouldn't necessarily recommend skinny dipping in your relatives' swimming pool, I can testify that nothing creates a lasting family story quite like getting caught red-handed, or in our case, caught completely uncovered.  

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Sum, Sum, Summertime!

Ah, the wonderful days of Summer! How I love them, especially when they're spent at the beach! For the past week, I've basked in the warmth of the beautiful Florida sun, felt the balmy ocean breeze upon my cheek, and let the cares of the world slip far, far away. It was a lovely time to relax and refresh but now that I'm back, I can't help but think of how things would have been so very different had this trip been made before my surgery.

One thing I really enjoy while on a beach vacation is getting in the water. It doesn't really matter whether it's pool or ocean water, I just love the water. This year, I didn't get in the water one single time. The reason may seem prideful and silly, but I just didn't relish putting on a bathing suit without having breasts to fill it out. I knew I'd look like a freak of nature with two hollowed out cavities in the chest wall of my suit. The only way to remedy that would have been if I'd had prostheses specifically made for use in swimming but I didn't have any of those. I thought about trying to wear the microbead forms I'd made earlier this year, but was afraid if I lay back in the water to float one of those little babies might escape and drift off out to sea. As much as it hurt, I just accepted the fact that I wouldn't be in the water on this trip.

Even though I was unable to be in the water, I was still able to enjoy myself on our trip. I was extremely thankful I'd thought to make the lightweight breast forms from the microbeads. If you didn't read about that adventure, you can click here and get yourself up to date.) While they were lightweight and didn't cause me to sweat like my regular prostheses, they did create a few problems. The microbead forms were constantly shifting in my mastectomy bra. I found myself having to reposition them quite often and every once in a while, I'd find them practically right underneath my chin. How embarrassing to have to turn around and push the "girls" down and force them to return to their native resting place. With them being so lightweight I was unaware they were rising until I felt a little nudge under my chin. My family got a good laugh out of my traveling boobs but I did not. It was frustrating to have them constantly moving instead of staying put like their silicone sisters did.

Next year, I'm going to invest in a pair of swimmer's boobs (technically that's not what they're called but I kind of like that terminology so I'm going to stick with it). I've done some research and have found they're not too terribly expensive. They are very different from my regular everyday silicone breast forms. The swimmer's boobs are hollowed out inside. I don't really know the reasoning behind that, perhaps it's to allow water to fill them and help keep them in place while they're inside the bodice of a bathing suit. I'll feel a little more secure knowing I have breast forms that are safe to wear in the pool, ocean, or hot tub and hopefully, I won't have to worry about a rogue breast form escaping from my suit and drifting away from me.

Summertime presents many challenges for women who've had their breasts removed. It's important for us to be able to look and feel as normal as possible while being comfortable at the same time. Mastectomy swim forms and mastectomy swimming suits are available. There are many sites from which to choose. Searching on a web browser using the words "mastectomy swimming form" or "swim form" will yield a number of results for breast forms that are suitable for use in the water. Also, using the words "mastectomy swim suit" or "mastectomy bathing suit" will produce results for various types of swimsuits with built in pockets for prostheses.

These are some of the sites I've checked out. Hopefully they'll help you, too, if you have special needs like I do. There's no reason for breast cancer to keep us from doing the things we love to do, so be courageous and get out there!
Mastectomy Shop
TLC
The Pink Bra
Amoena

bonnie annis all rights reserved

A little ingenuity

They say "necessity is the mother of invention" and I believe it's true. I couldn't help but think of this saying as I began packing for our upcoming trip to the beach. Beaches mean swimming and swimming means you need a bathing suit and what am I going to do? Number one, I don't have a bathing suit because I don't like to wear them in public and number two, I don't know how you swim with prostheses....The more I thought about it, the more concerned I became and the more I realized I had to come up with a solution. I'm sure they sell prosthetic breast forms made specifically for swimming but I don't have any of those and I'm sure they're very expensive. I bet I can come up with something, I thought to myself and then I got an idea.

My daughter and I were out shopping. We were perusing the aisles of T.J.Maxx for items we needed for our trip. As we went down the women's clothing aisle, we passed one of those U shaped neck pillows. Someone had apparently laid it down in the wrong place because it didn't belong with the women's pajamas. I picked it up and looked at it. The fabric was covered in red hearts and it was a cute print. I held it in my hands and marveled at how light weight it was. I wondered what it was made of so I looked closely at the tag. The tag said it contained microbeads. What are microbeads? I didn't really know, so I looked it up. The internet said they are tiny particles made from Styrofoam. Styrofoam floats! AHA!!! I bought that little U shaped pillow and took it home. I had a plan.

When I got home, I pulled the neck pillow out of my bag. I went into my sewing room and got a pair of scissors and walked back to my kitchen table. Opening up the neck pillow at one end, I was immediately sorry I did it. Millions of teeny, tiny little Styrofoam beads poofed up into the air. They were suddenly all over my kitchen! Thankfully, I was able to pinch the neck of the pillow closed and contain the rest of the beads before they escaped.

I took one of my breast forms out of my bra and got a piece of paper. I traced around the form and took my "pattern" into my sewing room where I cut out two pieces of fabric. I sewed the pieces together leaving a small opening at one end for stuffing. When I'd sewn both breast forms, I brought them into the kitchen for filling. I took a small measuring cup and scooped a cup full of microbeads from the neck pillow. They clung to the sides of the measuring cup and some spilled out onto the floor. It was very difficult to get the microbeads into the new breast form but I was diligent and patient. After getting a "pleasing" amount of beads into the form, I handed it to my husband and asked him to feel how light it was. He held it in his hands and said it felt like air. I filled up the other breast form and went back into my sewing room to sew up the openings. When I'd completed the sewing, I took my new microbead boobs and slipped them into my bra. They were extremely light and I barely knew I had anything on at all! I was very pleased with the result and wondered how these lightweight breast forms would do in a bathing suit and in water.

The breast forms are packed in my suitcase and ready to go. In a few days, we'll be on our way and the new microbead boobs will get their first test run. I'm hoping they'll stay in the suit and not become little floating buoys. I'd hate to have to yell at a little kid, "Hey! Give me back my boob!" I'm sure the child would be mortified and the parents would probably think I was a kook. So we shall see how these feathery light forms hold up. I'll give you a report when I get back but until then, remember..."necessity is the mother of invention." If you have a problem, think about it and I'm sure you can come up with a solution that works for you, too!

© bonnie annis all rights reserved

Rough waters

One summer, many, many years ago, I was excited to be allowed to go off with a group of friends to church camp. We weren't going very far, probably not more than a few hours from home, but it would be my first real trip. I was excited and scared at the same time. I remember my mother helping me pack my suitcase. We picked out cute little short sets, baby doll pajamas, a one piece swimsuit and all the other things I'd need. While we packed, she gave me a long list of rules for conducting myself while I was away. She wanted me to be safe but also gave me permission to have fun. Finally, the day came for us to drive to the church and for me to get on that big church bus. All of my friends were there. It was going to be great! My mother waved goodbye and we were off. My friends and I were chattering all the way and it was a great day. 

The bus pulled into camp and we were each assigned a camp counselor. Since it was in the 1960's, boys and girls were kept separated. Each camp counselor was assigned about a dozen kids. We were taken to our bunkhouses and told to unpack. Each of us got an assigned bunk bed and camp buddy. After we'd unpacked and set up our things, we were taken around camp and shown where all of the amenities were located. I was excited to see a swimming pool. I'd just completed swimming lessons the previous year and I was looking forward to being able to swim without a life jacket. 

The first few days, we worked on Bible studies and crafts. We played outdoor games, performed skits, sang songs, and had a great time. It felt like heaven not having to spend a boring summer at home. At the end of the day, we'd gather together for a big bonfire. We'd sing "KumBaYah" and other traditional camp songs. It felt like a wonderful bonding experience. I came to love and respect the camp leaders as they shared Scripture and the love of Christ with us.

In the middle of the week, the daily schedule was posted and we were thrilled to see swimming listed. About an hour after lunch, we donned our swimsuits and marched single file to the pool. The leaders went over rules and told us they didn't want to see any monkey business. That went in one ear and out the other as our group kids ran to see who would be the first in the water. My buddy and I didn't care about being first. We were having fun laughing and talking as we entered the gates to the swimming area. We lay our towels on the concrete surrounding the pool and walked down the steps to the water. Since we were both novice swimmers, we stayed near the shallow end of the pool and played there for a while. Soon more kids were in the water and challenges began. Some of the counselors put kids on their shoulders and began to play a game of "Chicken." The boys were splashing water in our faces and daring us to come out a little deeper. Of course, we couldn't let them think we were scared, so went a little further. At the four foot marker, the water was just under my chin. I had to tip my head back a little and stand on my toes to keep my face out of the water. While I was there, I decided to practice treading water, a skill I'd learned from the swimming instructor at our local pool last year. I walked forward just a little more until I had to begin moving my feet in order to stay afloat. I was scared to practice this new skill without an instructor close by. Frantically, I moved my feet back and forth in a rapid motion. I knew in order to stay afloat, I had to use both my arms and legs. I could hear my swim teacher's voice, "Just keep moving your arms and legs. You won't sink. Relax." I did exactly as I remembered her teaching me to do and it worked. Soon I was no longer freaking out, I was just treading water and enjoying it. My buddy was by my side and we were laughing as we tread water together. I heard a boy from my grammar school calling out my name. As I turned to look at him, without warning, he came running and jumped into the pool. I don't know what his intention was at the time, but he landed square on top of my head and forced me under the water. I hadn't even had time to take a breath and I felt like I was going to die. His weight on top of me was so heavy. 

I struggled to get out from him and get to the surface for air. I managed to break the surface and take a huge gulp of air before I sunk back down again. This happened 2 more times and finally, one of the lifeguards saw I was in trouble. When I was rescued and taken out of the water, I could hear the boy laughing his head off. He thought it was the funniest thing he'd ever seen. Little did he know I almost lost my life that day. Even though I knew how to tread water, I'd been pushed into much deeper water and could barely make it to the top for air. 

Almost 49 years have passed since I've thought of that terrifying ordeal. Why would that old memory be so fresh in my mind today? I think it's because I have felt like I've been treading water for the past few days. I've been struggling to keep my head afloat. There's been a huge personal challenge in my life and I've felt like I was drowning. 

It's been pretty smooth sailing for months, especially in the area of health issues, but the waters have been churning in other areas of my life. Just like my surprise attack from a friend at church camp years ago, I was blindsided by something very unexpected and painful. I never expected to be so deeply hurt by someone I loved so much, but it happened. For days and days, I've been sinking below the surface and fighting my way up to take that deep gulp of air. But the air wasn't enough, I needed to be saved. I needed a lifeguard to help me overcome impending doom. I did the best I could to tread water. I kept my feet and my arms moving but it wasn't working...no matter how I tried, I was sinking and sinking fast. 

Today, I spent 2 hours lying on my closet floor crying out to God, my one and only lifeguard. I begged Him to take my burden because it was too heavy for me to carry any more. I knew if I kept holding on to it, I was going down to the bottom like a dead weight. And do you know what? After hours of pouring out my soul, He reached down into the depths of my despair and took hold of my hand. He lifted me up and reminded me that He knew my pain. He told me I didn't have to tread water any more. He gave me permission just to lay back and float knowing that His ever loving arms are beneath me and He won't ever let me go under. 

I'll never forget the relief I felt when the lifeguard pulled me out of the water and I was safe on dry ground; but I'll forever etch into my memory the way I felt today when God set me free from the chains of bondage that were weighing me down. I can't share the details of what happened with you because they are of such a deep, personal nature but I want you to know if there's something you're struggling with...something that has thrust you into rough waters, there is a lifeguard and His name is Jesus. Why keep on treading water if you don't have to? Just give it up and let Him have it and then, you can just lie back, rest, and float. 

©bonnie annis all rights reserved