Money, money, money, money....MONEY!

This morning I was scheduled for a barium swallow study at the hospital. Thankfully, hubs took off work and went with me. 

The test was different from the last one I'd had done way back in the 70s. I was so glad! I didn't have to swallow that nasty, chalky barium liquid like I did when they were testing me for gallbladder issues then. Nope, the stuff they gave me today was fairly pleasant. 

They started off having me swallow a light barium liquid. I had to hold it in my mouth until they said swallow and as the liquid was going down, they filmed it. Next, we progressed to a thicker mixture. After several images, they gave me a spoonful of what looked like marshmallow creme. I called it Fluffy Whip and the technician laughed. After I'd gotten that down and the video had been filmed, I was given a graham cracker with more Fluffy Whip on top. It took a few minutes to chew and swallow. As they filmed that one, the girl asked me if it was difficult to swallow and I had to shake my head yes. The food wasn't going down well. 

When the test was over, the tech asked if I'd like to see my films. I was really surprised. I thought that was against the rules but I did want to see them and was amazed to watch my body in action. On the cookie swallow, the tech showed me where the food got hung in my throat. She said that indicated a problem that needed to be addressed by a gastrointestinal doctor. Apparently, they're going to refer me to one for a follow up, so that means more medical expense. I sure hope it's nothing serious. My brother had esophageal cancer. I don't know what I'd do if they said that about me...

On the way home from the appointment, we stopped by Wally World to pick up some groceries. I got mostly produce and about fell out when the bill was tallied and the total was $324.00!!! Oh my stars! It's total insanity! I don't know how in the world people are going to manage with groceries out of sight and gas prices continually rising. Thankfully, I had a credit card in my purse otherwise, it would have been a fiasco. 

On top of that, the water pump in my car went out and the mechanic said we have a major oil leak. The estimate is just under $1000.00! Whoa! We've been doing our best to maintain our old cars in order to avoid a car payment, but hey...it looks like a new car is definitely in our future. Patching up these old ones is getting more and more expensive.

And how do folks manage when they're on a fixed income? Soon we'll be living solely on Social Security and I have no idea how we'll survive, but I can't borrow trouble. I can only focus on today and trust that God has our future in His competent hands. 

It's hard to make it in today's world. Everything seems to be getting more and more expensive. I'm glad I grew up poor because I know how to squeeze pennies until they bleed. 

Life is challenging but we always have to be grateful for our many blessings. 

Okay. My rant for the day is over. Truly, I am blessed beyond measure. Some days are just tough. 

A new "new normal"

Since the Corona Virus came to town, everything has been weird. Nothing makes sense. Overnight people got sick as the virus spread. And then some began to die. That's when the President decided it was serious. He closed our borders.

We watched the news listening intently to reports on China. My heart went out to those dear people. I'd been there. I had invested time in the lives of many students there when I had the opportunity to spend time teaching them English as a Second Language. It was hard seeing the devastation.

Emotions were on edge. Along with the fear at it reaching our country, many were angry at China. Many conflicting reports made wild insinuations. We had no idea what was really true and what wasn't. We were in the dark.

And that's when many of us grew to know a new normal.

As a survivor of breast cancer, my first time hearing the words "new normal" were as I'd completed treatment. Several of my "pink sisters" told me I'd soon face a different world, a world where nothing was familiar and everything had changed. They were right.

It didn't happen all at once. It happened slowly, but over time, I learned to adapt and adjust to being a breastless woman. I learned to navigate a world of pink, a world of learning unfamiliar medical terminology, feeling like a human guinea pig as I endured treatment, the ugliness of mastectomy bras, prostheses, lymphedema and lots and lots of bills.

I had many ups and downs, and still do. It's hard adapting, but I do it because I have no choice. I want to live and this is the lot I've been given, so I heed the words of a wise sage who once said, "Suck it up, buttercup!"

When television reporters and newspapers started to use the familiar cancer terminology, I felt a little betrayed. New normal belonged to breast cancer, not a paranoid world of people fearing a contagious virus. But somehow, the phrase stuck and media outlets are using it often. Oh well. Those of us who've been through breast cancer know what new normal really means, it means a whole lot more than what the general public think it means.

The current new normal revolves around lots of hand washing, disinfecting, sanitizing, and social distancing (another new terminology thanks to the Corona Virus). Businesses have been forced to close, the stock market is unstable, people are filled with fear and rightly so. No one wants to die.

But the President has a plan to boost the failing economy. He's presented a big stimulus package that will give adults in our country a check. People are happy about that. But it's a bandaid that won't really fix the problem. The new new normal will probably be around for a while.

If you ask a breast cancer survivor how she feels about all this, you might be surprised at the many different answers you'll receive. Each of us has a different perspective. But since this is my blog, I'll give you mine.

I think we learn to adjust and adapt. Humans have an innate will to survive. We do what it takes, always have, always will. And those who choose not to usually don't make it, although some don't have a choice, especially where cancer is involved.

Those of us who've survived cancer know what it takes to embrace change. We do it second by second each and every day.

I hope our country takes their new normal seriously and maybe, when things calm down a little, they'll pay more attention to the next person with cancer who tries to explain what living life post diagnosis feels like.

And that's all I've got to say about that.