The Gift of Encouragement

Today's been a rough day for multiple reasons. Not only have I been struggling with some health issues, I've also been second guessing myself on some recent decisions. 

It's also been an emotional day as I'm missing my brother. He went to be with the Lord 3 years ago today. 

Needless to say, Satan has taken advantage of my vulnerability. I'm well aware of his tactics. Over the past 60 years, I've learned my adversary quite well. But that doesn't make it any easier when my guard is down and my armor on the shelf. 

Normally, I'm in a good place. I know all the things to do and usually do them, but sometimes, I fall. I'm only human. It's during those times of weakness I could use a friend and more often than not, God always shows up by prompting one of them to reach out via call, text, or snail mail. Today was one such day. 

There are those that don't believe in God's perfect timing, but I do. I can't tell you how many times I've been nudged by the Holy Spirit to send out a card or letter. When those little pushes come, I act. Once again, I've learned over the years, my response is often part of God's blessing to someone else. 

I did a spiritual gifts test a long time ago and found out that I have the gifts of mercy, discernment, and encouragement. Those are complicated gifts, especially mercy, but that's a post for another time. Of all three, I'd have to say my favorite is the gift of encouragement. Not only do I have the honor of blessing others, the blessings I put forth always come back to me in one form of another. 

A couple of weeks ago, I felt led to reach out to a person I've never met. We connected through the cancer magazine I do freelance writing for and instantly hit it off. Though she lives in one state and I another, we used social media to correspond. Not only is she a breast cancer survivor, too, she's a believer which makes it even more special. 

The Holy Spirit must have prompted her to do a little ministry several days ago because today, right when I needed it, a beautiful card came in the mail for me. This sister in Christ had taken time to send me a word of encouragement. 

Now I'm not used to being the recipient! I'm always the sender, so that's taken some getting used to, but I like it. 

As I read her note, I smiled. It was brief but filled with love. Not only did she include kind words, she also slipped in one of my favorite scripture verses, Romans 8:28 "We know that in everything God works for the good of those who love Him." 

When I'd finished reading the card, I thanked God for this timely little blessing. That's when I noticed, on the back of the card she'd written Ps. 121 over her address label. How perfect! Another of my favs! 

God knew I was going to need that card and those specific verses today. If my friend hadn't listened to the Holy Spirit, I would've missed the much needed encouragement. 

Isn't it wonderful how our Heavenly Father loves us so much? He cares about every tiny detail of our lives. That's why it's so important that we pay heed to the Holy Spirit. We are the hands and feet of Jesus. We can do the little things that help remind others of His great love. What an honor!

"But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness." Hebrews 3:13

What Can You Say When a Friend Faces a Recurrence?

I was checking my inbox the other day and found a disturbing email. The subject line on the email simply said, "It's back." I knew immediately what that meant. 

The sender of the email was a friend I'd never had the pleasure of meeting in person. Instead, we'd found each other through a breast cancer website. Shortly after we were diagnosed, as fate would have it, our paths crossed. 

We shared so many similarities. Both diagnosed in the same year, we had the same type cancer, the same stage, and the same grade. We were both mothers although my children were grown and hers were not. We shared a love of similar interests and hobbies.

Instantly, as we corresponded, we clicked. 

Through our online blogs, we were able to compare notes and keep up with each others lives. It was fun reading about each other and felt almost like I had an adopted sister. Our relationship was special. And that's why I felt so helpless when I learned, through the email, that her cancer had returned. 

What could I say that wouldn't sound trite? Of course, I was sorry to learn of the news but I wanted to express my heartfelt sentiments. Since our cancer experiences had been so similar, I could almost feel the way she'd probably responded when she received the news. I imagined she felt like I would've if the shoe had been on the other foot. I would have been devastated and confused. My heart went out to her. 

Reading her blog, as she began treatment again, I learned more about her feelings. Not only did she feel betrayed by the return of cancer, she was angry.  I completely understood. And when she began to blame herself for possibly not doing something right, I knew why she felt that way, too. 

My heart broke as she told about having to go through chemotherapy again. It didn't seem fair. Hadn't she given enough the first time around? 

But with cancer, there is no fairness, there are no rules. 

What do we say when someone we love faces a recurrence of cancer? And how can a fellow survivor express compassion and empathy in a genuine way? 

One of the best things we can do is listen. Words aren't always necessary to express caring. Often, an understanding look, or a tender touch can convey the heart's deepest sentiments. 

But if words need to be shared, they should be carefully chosen. A person might say, "I'm sorry. I know this isn't what you were expecting." Or "I'm here for you, just let me know what I can do to help." 

By offering the gift of understanding to the person facing recurrence, validation occurs.

When you aren't sure what to say, it's best to say nothing at all.  

A cancer recurrence rarely comes with notice, but when the surprise comes, it makes a big difference for the person with cancer to have a support team in place. 

As I read my friend’s blog for daily updates, one thing appears in every post – evidence of her warrior spirit and personal bravery. Though she’s having to fight this war again, I know she’ll give it her all, the same way she did the first time around.

It’s challenging to cheer her on from the sidelines, but I can always lift her up in prayer, send her encouraging notes, or post supportive comments on her blog. And in so doing, I hope she’ll know I stand with her because I know she’d do the same for me should I ever face a recurrence. 

That's what we do in the world of cancer, because we've been there and we know how it feels to hear the words, you have cancer, for the first time or at any time thereafter.