Journey Out of Pink

It was still dark as I rolled out of bed. As I made myself leave the warmth of my electric blanket, I glanced at the clock. 7:00 a.m. It was an hour later than when I awoke yesterday. I was thankful to have gotten a good night's sleep. The Restoril, Dr. F prescribed is definitely working. I padded across the cold bathroom floor in my bare feet and turned on the shower. The Lymphedema specialist is coming at 9:30 a.m. and I need to get ready. While the water runs, I make my bed and then head back into the bathroom to take my shower. The water feels warm on my skin and I long to stand there as it massages my aching muscles. Instead, I quickly wash and get out. After drying off and dressing, I put on my makeup. I've been doing it for so many years, I can have my complete face on in less than 4 minutes. As I'm putting on my last coat of mascara, I hear my cell phone ding... the therapist...she says she'll be here at 9:00 a.m. Time to shift into high gear. I run into t...

Waiting on the doc and being silly Yesterday I went for my check up with the oncologist. He's a very busy man and a very popular doctor in our area, so I wasn't surprised when I had to wait 45 minutes for him to come into my exam room. When he entered, he started with the usual questions: How've you been feeling? Any new lumps or bumps you've noticed since your last visit? What's your pain level? etc, etc. After getting those things out of the way, he began to talk about the last three anti-hormone therapy medications I've tried - Arimidex, Tamoxifen, and Aromasin. He asked me how I felt went I was on each of those medicines and I explained the symptoms once again: severe bone and joint pain, hair loss, mood swings, tearfulness, insomnia, severe fatigue, etc. He took a long pause and said, "You know, there's only one more medication in this class of medicines we have to try you on and that drug is Femara. Do you want to try it? If you do, I have t...

Yesterday, we drove 2 and a half hours to reach a park in Alabama. I was eager to get outdoors and do some hiking. Being in the woods always makes me feel so relaxed and peaceful. It's hard to explain but I just feel like I belong there. We arrived at the park a little before noon. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and I was feeling great. We stopped by the visitors center to use the restroom and talk with the rangers. As we picked up a park map, we planned to start our route at Beaver Pond trail. We drove a short distance to reach the trail head and parked the car. Water bottles in hand, I grabbed my camera and off we went. The trail was a moderate 3 mile loop. Along the way, we traipsed over many roots and I warned my hubby to watch for snakes. Since the weather was warmer than it had been in weeks, I knew there was a good possibility we'd come across a snake lying on the trail. The tree roots all looked like small to mid-sized snakes so I did a lot of walking w...

I am soooo happy...no, I'm ecstatic! I received the results of the biopsies performed on my recent EGD. Dr. R. said there was absolutely NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE in my esophagus, stomach, or upper colon. N.E.D. Those three letters are the most coveted of all breast cancer diagnoses. They mean that cancer is not present in any way, shape, or form. What a wonderful diagnosis! I was so thankful to get this news and I'm doing the happy dance today. When I went in for my test, I wasn't expecting to receive a diagnosis of cancer but I wouldn't have been surprised if I'd gotten one. Many breast cancer patients experience a recurrence of cancer during the first 5 years after diagnosis and with me foregoing traditional anti-hormone therapy, I'm sure the doctor was expecting to find my "all natural" remedies had failed. But that was not the case and that reassures me that what I'm doing is working! So I'll continue taking my huge array of supplements and...

I read somewhere that we must partake of the bitter with the sweet. There's a divine purpose in the adversities we encounter every day. They prepare, they purge, they purify, and they also bless. When you look at life that way, it's a little easier to accept trials as they come. Today I spent the first few hours of the morning in the hospital having some tests done. Apparently, I have polyps growing in my stomach. The doctor wanted to do an EGD, a test where they take a lighted hose with a camera and a cutting tool on the end of it and run it through your mouth down into your upper intestines. I've had it done once before when doctors were looking at a hiatal hernia in my belly so I knew what to expect. It's weird to be conscious one minute and totally out the next. When the anesthesiologist told me they were going to give me Propofol, I immediately thought of Michael Jackson for some reason. No sooner than I'd begun that thought, the room went dark. The next th...

I'm getting a little nervous about Friday. I'll be having an EGD done that day. What's an EGD, you say? Well, it's a test used to discover any abnormalities in your esophagus, gastrointestinal system, and your duodenum. (You can read more about that here  or watch an informational video about it here .) It seems the last one I had done, a little over 3 years ago, revealed stomach polyps, a hiatal hernia, and Barrett's esophagus. Since I was diagnosed with breast cancer 20 months ago, they want to recheck the polyps in my stomach and do biopsies on them. I'm not looking forward to being sedated again but I know it's necessary. I'm just praying that anything that needs to be seen will be clearly visible and that the doctor will have the wisdom he needs for the best treatment options. All that being said, I'm thankful we have insurance to cover the cost of the procedure. Hopefully, everything will be okay but if it's not, at least they'll find i...

Me with short hair I was so excited! Tonight we were actually going on a date. It's been a long time since my husband and I have planned a night on the town. We've just been focusing on getting through each day but, as I learn to move forward, in this journey out of pink, it's time to start getting back to normal and getting back to normal includes date nights. How early is too early to get ready for a date? Well, when I was in high school, I'd start getting ready as soon as I got home from school. There was so much to do! Clothes had to be pressed, hair had to be washed, nails had to be painted and as each step of preparation went forward, the excitement swelled. It hasn't changed, I don't think, even after all these years. I still get giddy at the thought of going out, so I began early this morning. After my shower, I styled my hair. It's super short, so it doesn't take much time to do. I blow it dry, squirt some gel into the palms of my hands ...

What is wrong with me? I've been trying to figure it out for several months. I've struggled with insomnia, irritability, cloudy thinking, self isolation and a loss of interest in life. Could it be that I'm suffering from breast cancer related PTSD? I think that might be the case. According to the National Cancer Institute, it's not uncommon for cancer survivors to experience crippling emotions even years after treatments have ended or the word "cure" is handed down. Follow-up visits, anniversaries of diagnoses or surgeries, birthdays, sights, smells, objects or symptoms similar to those they had when they found out they had cancer, such as lumps or aches, can be enough to trigger a tailspin of fear and anguish. Many survivors who battled cancer develop "cancer-related post-traumatic stress," which it likens to post-traumatic stress disorder, only not quite as severe as the full-blown condition that arises when some individuals, such as rape survivo...

One summer, many, many years ago, I was excited to be allowed to go off with a group of friends to church camp. We weren't going very far, probably not more than a few hours from home, but it would be my first real trip. I was excited and scared at the same time. I remember my mother helping me pack my suitcase. We picked out cute little short sets, baby doll pajamas, a one piece swimsuit and all the other things I'd need. While we packed, she gave me a long list of rules for conducting myself while I was away. She wanted me to be safe but also gave me permission to have fun. Finally, the day came for us to drive to the church and for me to get on that big church bus. All of my friends were there. It was going to be great! My mother waved goodbye and we were off. My friends and I were chattering all the way and it was a great day.  The bus pulled into camp and we were each assigned a camp counselor. Since it was in the 1960's, boys and girls were kept separated. Each...

They should have a store named “Boobs R Us”, you know, like Toys R Us®, only not. I think adding a little fun to the name of a store where they sell necessary items for women who’ve been through the traumatic experience of breast cancer would make it a little more interesting, but that’s just my opinion. Today, I made a trip to that necessary store. The store I visited is named “Renewal”. They sell everything related to breast cancer – bras, prostheses, wigs, turbans, etc. It’s a really nice store and is run by a couple of Christian women. As soon as you enter the store, you feel total peace. That peace doesn’t come from the soft music playing in their overhead speakers, although that’s part of the ambiance I really love, no…it comes from a spirit of love that dwells there. These women consider their store a ministry. They want women who’ve suffered trauma in their lives to know they are loved, to know they are seen, and to know they are understood. I like it there. It’s a great pla...