Journey Out of Pink

This morning I was getting ready to go for my physical therapy appointment. I'd already had my shower and was just about to finish dressing. All I needed to complete my ensemble was my mastectomy bra and prostheses. I went to the dresser to retrieve my boobs from the storage containers and they weren't there! Since I have two sets of boobs, one small and one large, I looked in the second drawer and as I unzipped the storage boxes, my larger set of boobs was MIA too! Puzzled, I stood in my bedroom thinking. Had someone stolen my breasts??? No, that couldn't be. No one would want those things. Where could I have put my boobs? Since I don't usually wear them when I'm at home, they should have been right where they were supposed to be, but they weren't. Hmmm...After a few minutes, I decided to do a quick search of the house. I looked in the bathroom, our bedroom and on all the flat surfaces in between those rooms thinking I must have laid them down somewhere. Beca

It was close to 10:00 a.m. as I was folding the last of my laundry and getting ready to head out the door to my appointment. I popped in my ear buds so I could continue the conversation I'd been having with my oldest daughter, grabbed my keys, and walked out into the bright sunshine. A wave of Georgia heat slammed me in the face. It was mid-morning but already the sun was high in the sky and the humidity made it unbearable. Climbing into the car, I turned the engine over and waited a few minutes before cranking up the air conditioning. My ride was only going to be about twenty minutes.  I pulled into the parking lot just a few minutes before my appointment. When I went inside the dental office, I noticed a new receptionist. She stood up, greeted me with a smile and said, "You must be Mrs. Annis!" I was surprised she knew me by name. I'd never seen her before in my life. Out of curiosity, I leaned forward on the counter and said, "How did you know who I was?&qu

It’s been two long years since I saw you. Since that time, I never gave thought to your fate. Where are you breasts? Do you lie sectioned and frozen in a laboratory freezer somewhere? Were you sliced and diced for medical students to look at you under a powerful microscope? Were you stained and smeared on a slide? Were you shaved into microscopically thin pieces and dipped into solutions only to be resting in Petri dishes on a cold hard counter? Were you examined and studied, talked about behind my back? Where are you breasts? Or, after being used and abused were you casually discarded in a red Biohazard container? Did you rot among other tissue samples in a landfill far away? I can’t help but wonder what happened to you. I didn’t even get to tell you goodbye. If I’d thought about it, I could have made a plaster cast to memorialize you or I could have taken beautiful photographs of you. I didn’t think one day I’d miss you but today, when I woke up, you were the first thing on my

After the bone scan revealed no evidence of a recurrence of cancer, my oncologist decided I needed to have physical therapy to help with my spinal pain. I was hesitant to even talk about physical therapy because I had no idea what they might do to me, but agreed to allow his nurse to go ahead and set up the appointments. Yesterday was my first visit to the spinal center. When I arrived, I sat in the waiting room with a dozen other people. I noticed how hard the chairs were as I was waiting to be called back for therapy. If I'd been in charge of ordering the office furniture, I would have made sure to buy comfortable chairs, especially since most of the clients would be experiencing some level of pain as they waited, but that was just me. A small section of the therapy room I was called back and taken to a small cubicle with a draped curtain hung from runners in the ceiling. The curtains were wide open and I felt rather small sitting in the corner surrounded by all sorts of

The phone rang at 8:00 a.m. and naturally, I expected the worst. I had been waiting for a call from my oncologist about the results from my recent bone scan. I assumed, since they were calling so early, that the news must be bad. They were probably going to ask me to come into the office to discuss the test results and come up with a strategic plan of attack for the recurrence of cancer. I had steeled myself for this news and when I received just the opposite, had to ask the office to repeat the information to make sure I'd heard clearly..."Mrs. Annis, we have the results back from your bone scan. There was no evidence of metastatic disease. There was no evidence of a recurrence of cancer." I listened intently and thanked the caller for the good news. Before the call ended, I was told I needed to see a spine specialist to address the pain I'd been having. I'd take that any day over chemo or radiation. When I got off the phone, I was overcome with emotion. The da

This weekend, I celebrated 2 years of being in remission. All day long I couldn't stop thinking about how blessed I was to be celebrating another year of life. I was hesitant to celebrate because I'd just had a complete body bone scan done the day before and I had no idea what the results of that test were, but I wanted to move forward and celebrate anyway. The day started out normally with routine Saturday housework. About mid morning, I received a nice surprise from my Texas girl. She'd sent a lovely arrangement of blue delphinium and white roses. She's so thoughtful and her arrangement really set the tone for the day. The blue and white flowers were so peaceful and serene, just the way I needed my day to be.  Flowers from my girl Early afternoon brought the arrival of my youngest daughter. She'd come to spend the weekend with us and help me celebrate. She's always so full of energy and we had fun catching up on her week and the latest informatio

Today, as I celebrate 2 years of being in remission, I thought it would be a good time to look back and remember all God's done since my initial diagnosis. This recap includes the majority of tests, surgeries, etc. but doesn't contain a lot of the daily evidences of God's amazing sense of humor and provision throughout the past 2 years. I tried my best to jot down the main things so others would be able to see God's faithfulness during this time of trial in my life but I kept some of the "sweeter" things hidden in my heart for myself. Please rejoice with me today as I celebrate my new life, my life after cancer. God isn't through with me yet and I'm excited to see what He does in the days to come. I'm being attentive with a watchful eye seeking His direction and counting His blessings. I hope you'll do the same in your life. And just think, the Creator of the Universe calls us His friends! Beautiful flowers from my daughter, Erin. Marc

Piedmont hospital, my home away from home Time to visit my old friend, Piedmont Hospital again. Today it will be for a complete head to toe bone scan. I've been having a lot of spine and hip pain lately. The oncologist wants to do some testing to make sure the cancer hasn't returned. It's funny how cancer always seems to be lurking in the shadows ready to jump out at me at any given moment. I'm always on guard and I don't like feeling that way. I wonder if other cancer patients feel the same way. It's an eerie feeling, one you can't shake. The lead tube housing the injection At 2:00 p.m. I went to the Nuclear Imaging Center for my injection of radioactive phosphorous fluid. The injection is housed in a lead casing to protect the workers. When the radiology tech came out with it. My eyes immediately went to the radioactive symbol. I remember seeing that same symbol on the fall out shelter signs in elementary school in the early 60s. I thought o

Today our local newspaper ran an article about me and as I read it, I had mixed feelings. I was honored to have been featured as a breast cancer survivor. The reporter had done a good job with the facts except for a couple of small errors. And while I was happy to have had a little of my story told, I felt badly that the readers didn't know the entire story. They'd only gotten a little snippet. Nothing had been mentioned in the article about my faith and how God has sustained me throughout every single step of my journey. That was an important part that had been left out. I also felt badly about those ladies who have either been recently diagnosed or who have fought their battles in silence...their stories left untold. Yes, I was blessed to have been featured but there are so many with stories like mine out there. Their stories are only known to close family members or friends and maybe they want to keep it that way...maybe they're very private people and we should respect

A reminder to others from me Surviving cancer is an amazing accomplishment. Any survivor will tell you the fight, albeit extremely challenging, has been worth it once won. But accepting the title “survivor” comes with baggage for some. Instead of being able to celebrate survivorship with complete freedom, feelings of puzzlement can be overwhelming. Survivors may experience feelings of reservation at celebrating their good fortune. They may begin to wonder “why me.” It may be difficult to accept the fact that some with breast cancer survive and others do not. So how do we get past those feelings and learn to accept our fate with joy instead of remorse or guilt? Survivor’s guilt is very common among survivors who’ve experienced traumatic events in their lives and cancer isn’t the only event that can bring these feelings to light. Wars, disasters, accidents or other types of illnesses are among life changing events that can stir up feelings of sadness or guilt for those who survi

Today I received the results of my blood work from yesterday's oncology visit. The tests indicate my lymphocytes are very low. I was surprised to learn this and pulled out the last blood work I'd had done for comparison. As I was checking the results, I noticed there was a 3 point difference. 3 points might not seem like much but when you're fighting cancer, it's a lot. I've been extremely tired lately and wonder if this might be part of the reason for my fatigue. I'm going to try to keep my exposure to people at a minimum until my next visit to the doctor. Low lymphocytes mean low immunity and I don't need to get sick.  Here's a little more info:  Lymphocytes are blood cells produced by bone marrow. Their main objective is to protect you from infections. Low lymphocytes count is also called lymphocytopenia. This is a disorder characterized by abnormally low level of these blood cells. It can increase the risk of infection or serve as a symptom of