Who Do You Think You Are?

In the 1970s, Friday nights weren’t just another step toward the weekend—they were a rite of passage. When the sun dipped behind the Georgia pines and my platform shoes were laced up tight, it was time to hit the local clubs with my friends. We weren’t exactly disco queens, but we sure thought we were something.

There was always that one club with the velvet rope and a bouncer who acted like he was the President of Admission. He’d stand there wearing a look that said, Don’t even breathe unless I tell you to. Anyone who made it past him practically walked inside with a halo floating above their head and “Stayin’ Alive” playing as their personal theme song.

To get inside, some of my friends came armed with their shimmering, laminated salvation: fake IDs. I can still remember the glossy cards with photos that looked nothing like them—wrong hair color, crooked typewriter fonts, and birthdays that magically aged them several years. One girl’s ID had her labeled as 22 when she barely had a learner’s permit in her wallet! Somehow, the bouncer looked at those ridiculous pieces of plastic and nodded like they were government-issued.

Meanwhile, I never had a fake ID, but I somehow slipped past the rope without ever being carded. I wasn’t sure whether to feel complimented or insulted. Did I look old? Worn out? Obviously mature beyond my years? Or did he just think I was someone’s babysitter?

Looking back, I laugh at how hard we tried to be “somebody.” We were desperate to fit in, to be older, cooler, funnier, prettier—anything but the awkward teenagers we truly were. Today, the fake ID has been replaced with digital identity. Now, you don’t even need to open your mouth before someone knows your name, age, blood type, and what you ate last week. It’s convenient, yes, but also a little creepy! Still, I guess it beats the flimsy laminated lie of the past.

And funny enough, thinking about those fake IDs makes me think of a truth that’s no joke at all: you can pretend to be someone else at the door of a nightclub, but you can’t fake who you are before God. He doesn’t need a card reader or facial recognition. He already knows every piece of our story—past, present, and what we’ll look like when gray hairs cover our heads like disco glitter.

“O LORD, you have searched me and known me.” — Psalm 139:1

We tried to fool the world, but we could never fool Him. Isn’t that both humbling and comforting? There’s no need to pretend when the One who made us already knows who we really are.

Dear Lord,
Thank You for knowing us fully and loving us completely, even when we try to be someone we’re not. Help us live honestly and confidently in the identity You’ve given us. Teach us to find joy in who You created us to be, without needing to hide behind fake versions of ourselves. Guide our steps, guard our hearts, and let Your truth be the only ID we ever need to carry.
Amen.

 

The annual 100 book challenge

I'm coming down the home stretch of my self imposed annual 100 book challenge. For the past several years, I've been able to complete reading 100 books and it's been so fun! I love reading and find there are so many new and different books I haven't read in my lifetime. I especially enjoy reading true life stories. 

My most recent book, High Achiever, by Tiffany Jenkins, was about a recovering drug addict. It was a quick read, and I found the author's writing style to be open and honest. As I read about her life, I could not only sympathize with Tiffany, I could also picture myself in her place. It would have been so easy to fall into the world of addiction, especially when facing challenging life events. 

As I dug into the story, I was able to understand a little more about the "why" behind Tiffany's choices. Doing my best not to judge her, I could only think there but for the grace of God go I. 

I was a teen in the early 70s. Back then, drugs were plentiful and readily available. The first drug I was exposed to was marijuana. In the high school bathroom, a friend asked if I wanted a hit off of her joint. At that particular time, I was very naive and repulsed so I said no, but later on, when the opportunity was presented again, I said yes. That rash decision led to an introduction to many other illegal substances. I won't go into more detail other than to say, I can definitely understand a small portion of Tiffany's life due to firsthand experience. 

Now, many states have legalized marijuana, and many doctors are finding the use of CBD beneficial for helping those with cancer or other illnesses. 

At the cancer treatment center, I was given instructions to use CBD for pain management. Though marijuana isn't legal in Georgia, it was easy to find stores that sold hemp products or CBD products without THC. (THC is the part of cannabis that gives the "high.") Truth be told, the CBD is beneficial, not only for pain, but also for anxiety. 

Sorry, didn't mean to go off on that tangent!

I have two more books to read before the end of the year. I'm reading Looking for Salvation at the Dairy Queen and Guests on Earth. Looking for Salvation at the Dairy Queen is a funny book about life in the small town of Ringgold, Georgia. The author writes similarly to Fannie Flagg. I enjoy this type of book when I need something lighthearted, and I was thankful a cousin sent it to me for my recent birthday. 

The other book I'm reading is Guests on Earth. It's a more serious book about a young girl's time in a mental institution. 

They're very different books and yes, I'm reading them simultaneously! I've only got 23 days until the end of the year. 

I've already started thinking about next year's challenge and I'm looking for book suggestions if you'd like to leave a comment. Also, I'm thinking about resolutions for the New Year. One of which will be to try and blog more often. I've been so busy this year it seems time has flown by, and I haven't accomplished all the things I had planned. I guess that's just life though, right? We make plans and have good intentions and then life gets in the way. 

I did pull down my wall calendar and look over places and events for 2022. I use my calendar as a sort of visual journal. By jotting down important trips and events, it helps me compile information for my annual Christmas newsletter. I usually send those out to a select few family and close friends who've expressed an interest in keeping up with my shenanigans. It's always fun to do but I've learned, unless I keep good notes, I'll forget what I did and when. 

My brain has definitely aged. I can remember things from the past clearly but couldn't tell you what I had for lunch yesterday! 

Anyway, I thank you for taking time to read my blog and I promise, I'll write more often next year. I won't promise to make daily posts, but I'll try my best. 

If you've never tried to read 100 books in a year, do it! And if you need some suggestions, visit the website: Goodreads | Meet your next favorite book

Happy reading! See ya next time! 

Honoring My Icon

Olivia Newton-John

When news outlets announced the death of one of my favorite singers, Olivia Newton John, I wasn’t prepared for the gamut of emotions I’d face. At first, I was shocked. I knew she’d been fighting breast cancer for many years and had done my best to keep up with her story. I’d been interested in her use of marijuana and had been surprised to learn she and her husband had been growing their own for medicinal use.

As I continued reading about her death, I became overcome with feelings of deep sadness. Ms. Newton-John had been initially diagnosed with breast cancer in 1992 and had faced a recurrence in 2012 when cancer was discovered in her shoulder, then in 2014, it had moved into her spine.

She’d spoken openly over the years about breast cancer and had seemed to stay positive and upbeat. I’d admired her tenacity.

I first fell in love with Olivia Newton-John in the early 70s when she released her song, “I honestly love you.” In fact, I had that song played at my wedding. It was such a sweet, heartfelt song and completely conveyed my feelings toward my husband.

When the movie, “Grease,” came out, Olivia became everyone’s sweetheart. As she sang and acted alongside heartthrob, John Travolta, audiences were captivated. She was portrayed the all-American girl. I wanted to be like her.

In 2014, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I scoured the internet for information and in those searches, Olivia Newton-John kept popping up. I read everything I could about her and learned about her life pre and post cancer. As I read about her use of marijuana, because of its CBD content, I spoke with my doctor about it. If it was good enough for Newton-John, it was good enough for me. He was on board when I mentioned wanting to try it and I had a good experience. I even wrote an article about it hoping to share valuable insight with others.

As more details were announced regarding Ms. Newton-John’s death, my emotions changed from sadness to fear. If her cancer could return many years after her initial diagnosis, mine could, too. Standing in the kitchen, cellphone in hand, I began to weep. My husband came over to hold me and asked what was wrong. I began to explain about my superstar’s death and openly shared my fear of recurrence with him. “Don’t worry,” he said, “You’re going to be okay. You’re an 8-year survivor.” Though I heard the words he was saying, I didn’t believe them. Yes, I’m an 8-year survivor, but every day I live afraid.

Some days the fear is more prevalent than others. Most of the time, I can push it to the back of my mind, but when I experience a sudden illness, or an odd pain somewhere in my body, I wonder if the cancer has come back. I don’t want to live that way. Many survivors experience similar feelings. It’s a type of post cancer PTSD.

As I write this post, something outside the window catches my eye. It’s a beautiful swallowtail butterfly on the butterfly bush. I can’t help but focus on it. I love butterflies. As I watch it flit among the flowers, I notice something – this butterfly has 2 broken wings! There’s a big chunk taken out of the lower left wing and a piece missing from the top right. Coincidental? I don’t think so. I think God allowed me to see that specific butterfly today as a reminder. Butterflies with broken wings, can still fly. And I can still live without my breasts.

Should cancer recur in the next few days, months, or years, I’ll do my best to get through it. If that broken butterfly can still fly, then why shouldn’t I try to thrive, even under difficult circumstances?

Ms. Newton-John was a beautiful soul with a tender heart. I’m thankful she’s no longer suffering, but I’m also sad she’s no longer with us.

The song, “Have You Never Been Mellow,” recorded by Newton-John in 1975, the year I graduated from high school, reminds me life is precious. It’s worth treasuring and taking time to enjoy. In honor of Olivia Newton-John, I’m going to take her advice to heart and try to remember to take one day at a time.

We will miss you, Olivia, but we’ll never forget you.

Have You Never Been Mellow?

There was a time when I was in a hurry as you are
I was like you
There was a day when I just had to tell my point of view
I was like you
Now I don't mean to make you frown
No, I just want you to slow down

Have you never been mellow?
Have you never tried to find a comfort from inside you?
Have you never been happy just to hear your song?
Have you never let someone else be strong?

Running around as you do with your head up in the clouds
I was like you
Never had time to lay back kick your shoes off, close your eyes
I was like you

Now you're not hard to understand
You need someone to take your hand, hey

Have you never been mellow?
Have you never tried to find a comfort from inside you?
Have you never been happy just to hear your song?
Have you never let someone else be strong?

 

Songwriters: John Clifford Farrar