A Happy Heart

Smack dab in the center of my refrigerator door hangs the cutest little piece of art you ever did see. Oh course, I'm a little prejudiced. It was created by my then 7 year old granddaughter, Heather. 

You see, she loves art as much as I do and we enjoy creating together. Even at her tender young age, she's learned the value and power of art to minister to our souls. 

At first glance, you might think her artwork isn't anything special, a few words and a lot of simple, colorful hearts but you'd be extremely wrong. Underneath those shaky primary letters and those multicolored hearts lie a whole lot of love and tenderness. 

When Heather presented me with this artwork, weeks ago, she had no idea how a simple drawing would minister to me on a daily basis. 

To be honest, there have been many days since we last visited that I've struggled. Not only have I had some health challenges but I've also had some down days, which is very unlike me. But the cold, rainy, gray February days and the inability to get outside brought on a tiny bit of depression. 

Usually, whenever I feel a bit of sadness coming on, I yank myself up by the bootstraps and give myself a swift kick in the rear - ain't nobody got time for that, I tell myself, but this time, it wasn't that easy. 

Until...

I walked into the kitchen and saw the most beautiful reminder of joy I'd ever seen. And that little drawing made me smile. 

The Bible doesn't talk much about happiness, but it speaks a whole lot about joy. Read these verses: 

"The commandments of the Lord are right, bringing joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are clear, giving insight into living."  Psalm 19:8

"Joyful are people of integrity, who follow the instructions of the Lord. Joyful are those who obey his laws and search for him with all their hearts. They do not compromise with evil, and they walk only in his paths." Psalm 119: 1-3

Those are a couple of very good reasons to choose joy every day, don't you think? 

Maybe you don't have a Heatherbug in your life to make creative works of art for your fridge, but I'm so thankful I do. All of us need to find ways of coping in these tumultuous times and if there's something or someone who can help you remember to seek joy first thing each morning, I hope you focus there. 

Everything doesn't have to be right in your world for you to experience happiness. . If you keep your focus on God and eternity, it is easier to experience joy even in challenging times.

In John 10:10, Jesus said, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full." 

We are not meant to merely make it through life. We are supposed to live life to the fullest. And that means we should be happy and joyful. We aren't supposed to simply be alive in the sense that our heart is beating, and we have breath in our lungs. We are supposed to have a life that we enjoy - an abundant and full life. And the only way to have that is through Christ. 

Losing Control Isn't Easy for a Type A Person

 

Be forewarned, this is a very long, personal devotional and definitely falls into the category of oversharing, but I need to do this for myself and hopefully, to encourage and bless someone else. (Also, if you're squeamish, you might not want to look at the pictures.)

Most of the people who know me know I'm a firstborn child. As a result of that, I learned quickly to become a people pleaser. I wanted to always do good and be good so I'd get the attention and affection of both my parents and others in my life. To do that, I learned I needed to be in control. I worked hard to keep things in check, things both big and small. But if you've ever studied about it, people pleasing isn't a good thing. In fact, it's a nasty flesh pattern and one that isn't a becoming trait. It's not something that makes God pleased. 

 

Through the years, I've struggled to learn to let go of my people pleasing tendencies and to squelch my need for control. I'm ashamed to admit it, but even today, I struggle a little with both of these although where I am today is way better than I was in the past. 

 

Without going into a very long list of details, I'll give you a nutshell version - I've endured trials many would never imagine, most of them health related, but there have been many others as well. I'm a strong person, not physically, but spiritually, and I know these trials have been permitted by the hand of God to refine and reshape my life. 

 

Kardia EKG machine

Yesterday started out as a good day. After breakfast, I started in on my housework. We ran a few errands, came home and had lunch. It was a typical day until it wasn't. 

 

Phil had gone out to work in the yard. We just had a lot of sod installed and it had to be watered. While he was doing that, I came into my office to check emails, write some prisoners (I'm part of a prison ministry), and do a few other piddly things. As I was working on an email, I started to feel funny. My heart was beating really fast and wasn't beating in the normal lub dub rhythm. I won't lie, it scared me and I became very shaky. I knew my blood pressure must be up too, so I went to check it. When I did, it was 202/99 and my pulse rate was 138. Definitely not good. 

 

Next, I pulled out my portable EKG (my cardiologist had suggested I get one several months ago after a similar experience.) The EKG was quick and indicated Tachycardia. 

 

Waiting on test results

As I tried not to freak out, I looked outside to see if I could find my husband to let him know what was going on. I couldn't find him and didn't want to waste time looking. I was feeling worse and saw the clock indicated it was 4:45 p.m. I dialed my cardiologist's number in hopes of getting some advice. I knew they were about to close so I prayed I'd get through. After 3 tries I was able to talk with a nurse. She said go to the ER. So I called 911 and when the ambulance got there, they worked on me a while before taking me to the hospital. 

 

At the hospital, the nurses were kind. Immediately they inserted an IV and took many vials of blood. About 30 minutes later, the ER doc comes in and says he wants to do a CT scan with and without contrast. He didn't explain why. 

 

When the transport team came to get me and take me to the CT room, the person pushing me in the wheelchair said, "We're going to do a CT scan. Have you had one before?" I replied, "Yes, many times." She said, "Good. This one will be to see if you have a blood clot in your heart." Hearing that freaked me out. I had no idea the CT was for something like that. 

 

My blood

In the CT tube, as the contrast flowed through my veins and I began to feel warm all over, I prayed, "Oh, Lord, please let anything that needs to be seen be illuminated clearly. If You're ready to take me home, I'm ready to go." Over and over as the test was running, I prayed. 

 

I was taken back to the room and we had to wait several more hours before the results were in from all the tests. While we waited, I worried, then prayed. Phil did his best to keep me calm, but this was definitely something I couldn't control....a blood clot in my heart??? I couldn't fathom it. 

 

Control. It's the one thing we wish we had but many times don't. Practically every waking moment of our lives we're surrounded by things we can't control- the economy, the weather, circumstances, opinion of others, our health, etc. It's easy to start doubting and worrying. But God didn't wire us to be in control. In fact, our lack of control requires us to rest in Him and lean on Him. It forces us to use our faith muscles.

I knew, as I waited to hear what was causing my health crisis that God was and is always in control. The Bible teaches us through various scriptures how there is nothing beyond His control. And if God was in control, I had no reason to fear. Because He loves me and has numbered my days. 

 

When the ER doc came back in to talk with us, He said my D-Dimer was high, my potassium was low, and I had some funky things in my lungs called ground glass opacities. But even with all those things, there was NO blood clot in my heart! Praise God!!! 

 

So, this typical type A has once again loosened her grip on the rope of control. Now I am praying I can get in to see the various doctors I'm supposed to follow up with on Monday. Would you please pray with me that an opening will be available? Mondays are usually packed full for most physicians. (I used to work for several docs. We always kept 2 work in appointments available each day, one around 10:30 and the other at 2:30. Hopefully this practice is still in place.)

 

Losing control is hard. Trusting COMPLETELY in God regarding health issues or any other problem in your life, is also difficult. Both take determination and will. But with God, it's possible, I promise. 

 

Scriptures to cling to: 

 

Jeremiah 29:11-12. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you."

 

Job 42:2. "I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted."

Isaiah 55:9. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

 

Romans 8:28. "And we know that for those who love
God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."

 

Philippians 4:12-13. "I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me."

 

Hebrews 13:8. "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."

 

1 John 5:14. "And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us."

A little hand can hold a heart

 Yesterday, we went to visit my daughter's church. She'd invited us because she and her husband would be singing a duet and she knew I'd want to hear it. As soon as we arrived, we made our way into the sanctuary. A few minutes later, my youngest granddaughter came bounding in and squeezed into our pew slipping between my youngest daughter and I. She pulled out her little pouch with drawing materials and sat quietly waiting for the service to begin. 

As her Mommy and Daddy made their way to the stage to sing, she sidled up closer to me. I was thankful for our relationship. 

After the song was done and the preaching started, she began to quietly draw. I leaned over and whispered in her ear giving her an idea of something to draw. Immediately, she smile and began working on the project. When she'd completed it, she ripped the page out of her little notebook and slipped it to me. 

I keep all her drawings. I've framed them since she was old enough to scribble with crayons. Over the years, her artistic abilities have improved and I can see, that one day, she may find art an important creative outlet, as have I. 

As the service was winding up, the pastor asked the congregation to bow their heads and pray. All of a sudden, I felt a tiny hand slip into mine. My heart sang as I realized she valued me so much she wanted to hold my hand. 

She held it throughout the entire prayer and then, as quickly as she'd placed it there, she withdrew it. I couldn't help but smile, knowing she'd always find ways to hold my heart. 

She was just a few months old here.

When she was just a babe, I fell in love. Not only was this my granddaughter, she also carried part of my precious daughter in her. 

I was so grateful I'd been allowed to be at her birth. What a special day that was! To date, I've been able to attend 4 of my 9 grandchildren's births. 

I had the honor and privilege of babysitting this sweet one shortly after her birth to this day. Over time, I've held her little hand and have marveled at how much I love her. 

It's interesting to me, how perceptive children are. Whenever she's felt I needed it, she'll give me a big hug or grab my hand as she talks to me. When she does, it's as if our hearts and souls connect. 

I got a sticker for going potty back then, too.

As she's grown older, her little hand has gotten bigger. Her fingers are long and slender and I told her she'd make a great piano player. 

When she was potty training, her Mommy started a sticker reward program and would place a sticker on the back of my little granddaughter's hand when she made a successful trip to the potty. The program worked so well, that on a visit to my house, little bug told me I needed to go potty so I could have a sticker, too. I thought it was so cute that she wanted to share her pride and joy with me. 

I can't wait to see what those little hands grow up to do. 

She's now almost 10 and I don't have a recent photo of her holding my hand, but I'll try to get one soon. 

I hope she'll never stop wanting to hold my hand. Though my hand has grown old and wrinkly, she doesn't seem to mind.I don't think she knows how powerful her touch is and how she has and always will hold my heart.