Leaving the past behind

Today was Palm Sunday. We celebrated with one of my daughters and her husband at their church. On the way home, we stopped by our old house. We always feel nostalgic when we pass that area of town and stop by as often as we can. But today when we passed, we were dumbfounded. The man who'd purchased the home last year had taken down all of the trees on both sides of the house and in front of it! He'd totally decimated the property! Our house used to be lush and green, filled with beautiful trees! I loved those trees! They gave us lovely color in the fall and soothing breezes in the summer. As we looked over the terrain, my heart felt crushed. One of the reasons we'd purchased that home in the first place was because of the huge wooded lot. I couldn't understand how someone could destroy God's beautiful creation so easily and quickly. 

We pulled onto the gravel road beside the house and saw the new owner out in the yard. I rolled down the window and called out to him. I told him we'd been driving by and had seen all the work he'd done. He was congenial but I could tell he didn't appreciate us stopping by and especially didn't appreciate me taking photos. I explained I had snapped a few photos because of the drastic change and hoped he didn't mind. He indicated he understood, but seemed annoyed. Then, we began talking. I've always tried to remain friendly with him through texts and emails after selling our home. I wanted to keep a good relationship and be able to answer any questions he might have about our beloved property. When I mentioned the loss of all the trees, he said he'd paid $21,000 to have 95 trees removed from the property. My mouth fell open. He must have been surprised at my reaction because he immediately tried to smooth things over saying he had big plans for the place. I asked what he planned to do and he said he was going to plant sod and add plants the deer wouldn't eat. I tried to imagine how beautiful it might look, but it was hard to see it in my head without the lovely shade of the big oak and pine trees. We'd planted so many things right after purchasing the home - blueberry bushes, daffodils, lirope, amaryllis, mexican petunia, iris, etc. We'd enjoyed it and planned to plant many more things before deciding to sell, but didn't get around to doing all we wanted last year. 

We said our goodbyes and drove away. I fought tears all the way home. It hurt to see the mutilation of our beautiful property, but it wasn't ours anymore...God reminded me. 

When we got home, I went into the bathroom and cried. I cried for my old house, the one we'd loved for over 10 years. It was my third home. You'd think I would have been used to leaving a house by now, but that one in particular, held so many memories - both good and bad. I didn't know why it hit me so hard, but it did. After a good cry, and seeing myself looking like a raccoon in the mirror from the streaks of mascara down my face, I felt God prick my heart..."Forget what lies behind and press on toward what lies ahead." I was familiar with that passage - Isaiah 43:18-19, but it was so hard. 

It seems the older I get the more difficulty I have with change. I want to cling to the things I'm sure of. I don't like uncertainty. I like to be in control...and I think that's what God's trying to remind me - I never have been in control and I never will be. Only He has my future mapped out. 

Yes, I can make decisions. I have free will. Some of them will be good and some of them won't be so good. Some I'll be okay with and some I'll regret, but I can't dwell on the past. I have to move forward, even when I don't want to...

I've often wondered, if some of those people who lined the road with palm branches for Jesus, as He entered Jerusalem, ever felt remorse later on. They were so ecstatic to think their new King was coming and then, when they discovered He wasn't who they thought He was, the yelled and spit at Him, mocking Him with hatred and disgust. But when they saw Him, bloodied and beaten, hanging from a tree, did any of them feel the tiniest bit of regret? Did they wish they could take back any of their actions and get a giant "do-over?" Probably not. 

The sale of a house is a commonplace thing. People choose to do it all the time. Perhaps a person has outgrown a home and needs a larger one or vice versa. Maybe they're tired of living in a specific city and want to move to be closer to family. It's not usually a big deal. A crucifixion is a rare occurrence these days but was commonplace in Biblical times. The big difference was crucifixion was normally thrust upon someone without their consent, except in the case of Jesus. He knew it was coming. He did nothing to stop it. He went willingly and obediently to the cross. And He never looked back with regret. 

Oh, that doesn't mean He didn't remember it. Surely He did. Remember when He held out His hands to Thomas and said, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe"? He remembered and wanted to be sure Thomas did, too. Poor humans have to see to believe sometimes. God understands that and gives us grace. 

And I think God knows when we face disappointments, like I did today, that's why He reminded me not to focus on things of the past. He also reminded me this world is not my home. I'm just a temporary resident here. That made all the difference. 

In closing, I heard Cat Steven's song, "King of Trees" playing in my head. Such significance in the decimation of our old property and the sacrifice made by Christ...

Everyday Devotionals Bonnie Annis

Getting used to Medicare

Well, so far, I'm finding Medicare may not be quite what we thought it to be, at least the advantage plan supplement we selected. Today, while checking on in network providers, I noticed a pending claim on our account. I couldn't remember any recent medical visits and had no idea what the charges were, so I opened the claim. Imagine my surprise when I read our part of a recently filled prescription under the new plan was $595.00! And that's only for a 30-day supply! Whoa!

Immediately, I called our pharmacy to ask if the medication was sitting there waiting for pickup. He said it was. I told him the situation and asked him to restock the pills and rescind the recently submitted claim. We can't afford to pay that amount of money for one medication every month. 

Next, I sent a message through the portal to my gastroenterologist explaining the situation to her. I asked if there might be another less expensive medication I could take or perhaps an over-the-counter remedy. I'm waiting to hear back from her. 

The medication has definitely been helpful for my situation but not for that huge amount. When we were still under my husband's employer plan, the medicine was only $25 a month. What a difference. 

I don't understand all the ins and outs of our Medicare Advantage plan yet but the sales rep who helped us pick the one that fit our needs best had warned us this one medication might be expensive. All of the others would be no cost and we were happy with that. 

I don't know what people do when they have medications that they depend on daily and aren't able to afford. And what a shame that the older generation has to suffer while on Medicare. 

We've paid into it all our lives and they don't tell you the nitty gritty facts about it, like you have to pay for plan B from your Social Security check and if you want prescription drug coverage, you have to buy plan D or an advantage plan that covers medicines and other things like dental care, glasses, etc. 

We have a pretty warped health care system if you ask me. It seems the government wants to pay out as little as possible. 

I wish I'd kept track of all the money that came out of my paychecks over the years for Medicare coverage. I'm sure those figures are well above what I'm receiving now. 

The easiest way to lose weight

Today I had to go to the doctor. I hate going to the doctor...well, I don't really hate going to the doctor, I hate going to see the doctor and having to get on the scale. I hate that they have the scale right out in the open in a hallway where anyone who passes by can see what you weigh. For me, that's scary. I want to keep my weight private. Shouldn't there be a HIPAA law or something to protect me from having my weight scrutinized by prying eyes? Surely there should be. Anyway, as much as I hated going to see the doctor today, I went. This was a follow up visit for an esophageoendoscopy I'd had done recently. I already had the results so I didn't really understand why it was necessary for me to go in for an office visit, but I'm compliant, so off I went.

I arrived at the gastroenterologist's office about fifteen minutes early. I'm always early. I like to have a few minutes to just sit in the waiting room and chill out before my appointment. For some reason, I get white coat syndrome...you know, where you're heart rate speeds up and you feel panic and you want to run?! Well, I sat in the waiting room listening to the receptionist giving out social security numbers and other private information over the phone to an insurance company. I was checking Facebook on my Iphone so I was half listening and half not. If I'd wanted to steal someone's identity, I could have done it easily. I wanted to chide the receptionist for being so careless about sharing very valuable personal information within earshot of those in the waiting room, but I did not. I used to work for a doctor's office. I knew it was not standard procedure for something like this to be done. That receptionist was going to find out from some irate patient, at some point in her career, that she wasn't being very professional and rightly so. A few minutes passed and I was being called back.

A heavy set nurse took me right to the scale. I don't usually mind getting up on the scale if the nurse is larger than I am so I stepped right up. I glanced over my shoulder to make sure no office staff were peering at the number on the scale. Thankfully, no one was in the hallway but the nurse and I. She didn't even tell me what I weighed and I hadn't been able to see it. (Earlier today, I'd taken my glasses off and put my sunglasses on as I was driving. The sun was so bright I could barely see without them. I have artificial lenses in both eyes and they're for distance so I only have to wear my glasses for seeing things up close.) I wished I'd had them on. I wondered what the scale had said. The nurse took me back to the exam room and began asking the normal questions. I gave her all the answers and she said the doctor would be in shortly.

I didn't have to wait but a couple of minutes before the doctor came in with his scribe. The scribe sat down at the computer and as the doctor asked questions, she typed away. Dr. R asked me if I was still having issues with not being hungry. I told him yes. He said, "Don't you ever have an appetite?" I answered, "No. I really don't. I just eat when it's meal time because I know I'm supposed to eat then." He looked at my chart and said, "Well, the last time I saw you for an office visit was about 4 months ago. You weigh the same today as you did then." Hmmm...I wondered if that was accurate. I knew what my home scale said this morning before getting dressed. I asked him what the scale showed today and he told me. "HA!," I almost shouted. He looked at me stunned. I said, "I know why there's no weight loss showing." As I finished my last word in that sentence, I reached inside my shirt and whipped off my bra with my prostheses still in it. I held it up with sheer delight and waved it slightly back and forth. "Here's the five pound loss that should have appeared on your office scale today. I forgot to take them off before coming in to see you." The doctor turned a bright shade of red and his scribe had a look of shock on her face. I sat there and laughed because I thought it was so funny. The doctor took a few minutes before he commented and then said, "Well, Mrs. Annis, I guess you can lose weight whenever you choose, can't you?" I smiled and wanted to tell him, "Damn, Skippy!," but I didn't. I just shook my head and grinned.

I'm finding myself getting a little more brazen in my old age and it's kind of scary. It's also kind of fun. I'm liking the element of surprise and how I can use my fake boobs to make medical professionals think about breast cancer when they least expect it. Maybe the next time a patient steps up to the scale, the nurse should ask, like they do in the customs offices, if the patient has anything to declare. It would be funny to see how many prostheses come off before the weigh in. Can you just imagine a pile of limbs or breasts stacked in the corner while patients are being weighed? I bet that would prompt them to move their scale into a small room instead of keeping it out in the open in a hallway. There needs to be some standard of privacy and respect for folks with artificial pieces and parts. HIPAA needs to get on board and revise their policies but I bet no one's ever considered something as silly as this, except maybe me...of course.

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