Picking Out Bras and Prostheses, Again.

I never considered myself a naïve person, but when I was diagnosed with breast cancer three years ago, I had no idea it would impact me for the rest of my life. I thought I’d have surgery, go through treatment and be done. Then, when I made the decision to have both breasts removed, I didn’t know choosing not to do reconstruction would be such a challenge. There was so much I needed to learn.

Today was my annual visit to the prosthetic shop. Every year, for the past three years, I’ve made this trek. Forty-five minutes of driving to a neighboring town takes me to a tiny specialty shop. The clientele are breast cancer patients and survivors. Inside the shop are wigs, head coverings, bras and prostheses. The ladies who run the shop have been specially trained in bra fitting, so I feel confident going there. Today’s visit will be old hat, but I remember when it was all very new.

About a month after I’d had my breasts removed, the breast surgeon called me into her office for a checkup. At that visit, she examined my scars and before I left, she handed me two prescriptions. One was for mastectomy bras and the other was for prostheses. She explained that I’d want to get the items as soon as possible. I must have looked like a deer in headlights because she sat down and explained insurance normally covers four mastectomy bras a year and one set of prostheses every other year. I left her office feeling very strange. I had no idea prescriptions were required for bras and fake boobs.

When I visited the local specialty shop, I was embarrassed. I was so new to being breastless. Walking into the shop with a flat chest, I felt humiliated. As I approached the counter and handed my prescriptions to the salesperson, she smiled and welcomed me. She took me by the arm and led me to a fitting room where she measured me with a retractable measuring tape. She apologized as she held the tape against my scars. She could see how fresh they were and noticed my face during the fitting.

“Honey,” she said, “You’re too young to have had to go through this trauma.” I smiled and shook my head in agreement. I wanted to scream out, “You have no idea what I’ve been through!” But I didn’t.

I remember her showing me dozens of mastectomy bras. She explained the differences in them and showed me how to insert a pair of trial prostheses into the little openings on the inside of the bras. She was very knowledgeable and took her time. I was thankful for her patience as I tried on a variety of styles until I found one that worked for me.
When it came time to pick out my own prostheses, I began to weep. The fitter closed the door to the dressing room and told me to take my time. When she came back into the room, I was wiping tears from my cheeks. I apologized for being so emotional and she quickly put me at ease. She said I shouldn’t worry. She’d had many women react the same way. She explained she had expected me to cry since it had only been a month since surgery and if I hadn’t cried, she would have been worried. I was grateful for her kindness.

The first prosthetic I held in my hands was a silicone rubber flesh-colored mound. I was surprised at its weight. The smallest size, an A cup, was hefty. When I held the C cup, I could barely hold it in one hand. It was extremely heavy and I was afraid I would drop it. I was asked what size bra I’d worn before surgery. When I told the fitter I’d been a B cup, she smiled and explained I could now how my choice of cup sizes. She told me I could go as small or as large as I wanted to go. I tried each cup size on with a mastectomy bra and found the A cup to be sufficient. I couldn’t stand the weight of heavier prostheses against my scar. I paid for my purchases and left the store feeling shocked and overwhelmed.

That was three years ago. Today when I went into the store, I greeted the salesperson with a cheery smile. I explained I was there to get new bras. Instead of waiting for her to measure and fit me, I walked straight over to the racks of bras and started looking through them. I knew exactly what type bra I wanted and I knew what size I needed. Gathering the selections, I’d made, I carried them up to the counter. I pulled out my insurance card and asked when I qualified for a new pair of boobs. The fitter checked my chart and said I had another six months to go. I wanted to be sure I was within the correct time frame for insurance coverage so I didn’t purchase prostheses today although I did check out some new versions. This time, when I held the C cups in my hands, I laughed. I told the salesperson I was ready to go big. As my purchases were slipped into a bag, I said my goodbyes and reminded the staff I’d be back in six months for my Dolly Parton-sized boobs.

I’ve come a long way in three years. What was once a humiliating and embarrassing experience has now become commonplace. I know I’ll need to buy bras and prostheses for the rest of my life. I’m sure the next time I visit the store, I’ll feel even more comfortable than ever. I may even invite the fitter to join me for lunch! I’m sure we’re going to be really good friends a year or two down the road.

Making the best of a bad situation is always a good idea. The fear of the unknown can be crippling, and I know that’s why I had such an emotional reaction the first time. I’m so happy I’ve passed that initial phase of my journey, but I’d like to offer a word of encouragement to those about to make their first mastectomy bra or prosthetic purchase. The fitters want to help you. They are trained to help you make bra selections that will be best suited for your needs. Choosing a replacement breast can be difficult but replacing the weight of your missing breast will help your body adjust. Without replacing the breast, your body will try to compensate and this can often cause rounding of the shoulders and result in back pain.

Every insurance company is different, so it’s best to check your policy for coverage limitations. I always wait to visit the prosthetic shop until after I’ve met my yearly deductible, that way, I only have to pay my 20 percent. Be sure you have a written prescription for your bras and your prosthetic. Many insurance companies require this. If your doctor doesn’t volunteer a prescription, ask for one.

Living life without breasts doesn’t have to be difficult. I wear my prostheses when I want to and I don’t when I don’t. Most of the time, when I’m out in public, I wear a mastectomy bra and prostheses, but when I’m home, I find it more comfortable to go without them.

Think of all the choices you’ll have when you visit a shop for bras! There are just as many choices as there are in a normal lingerie store. If you want a sports bra, they’ve got them! If you prefer an underwire, no problem. Sexy, t-shirt, racerback bras…all available. The only difference between mastectomy bras and regular bras is that mastectomy bras have an inner lining type pocket that holds the prosthetic. Slipping the breast form inside the bra is quick and easy.

Prostheses come in different shapes, sizes, and weights. They’re available in silicone, polyester fiberfill and even microbeads. You have the power to choose what works best for you, so have fun doing it. Your first experience might be an emotional one, but subsequent experiences will get easier with time.

Boobs R Us

They should have a store named “Boobs R Us”, you know, like Toys R Us®, only not. I think adding a little fun to the name of a store where they sell necessary items for women who’ve been through the traumatic experience of breast cancer would make it a little more interesting, but that’s just my opinion.

Today, I made a trip to that necessary store. The store I visited is named “Renewal”. They sell everything related to breast cancer – bras, prostheses, wigs, turbans, etc. It’s a really nice store and is run by a couple of Christian women. As soon as you enter the store, you feel total peace. That peace doesn’t come from the soft music playing in their overhead speakers, although that’s part of the ambiance I really love, no…it comes from a spirit of love that dwells there. These women consider their store a ministry. They want women who’ve suffered trauma in their lives to know they are loved, to know they are seen, and to know they are understood. I like it there. It’s a great place and this would be my second visit to the shop in the last two years.

Last year, I must have looked like a deer caught in headlights when I entered their store. Wide eyed and scared, I was just a couple of weeks post surgery and my incisions hadn’t fully healed. The women were so tender and kind to me. They took their time and were extremely patient. I was thankful because I had no idea what I was doing. Today, I felt like I was going back to visit old friends.

I entered the store and was welcomed by the owner. We talked a few minutes and then got down to business. I explained I was here for my annual bra purchase and to pick out new prostheses. My insurance company allows 4 bras a year and new prostheses every 2 years. I was taken into the back of the store to a fitting room and there, I began to undress. I felt so much more comfortable this time and I think it was because I knew what to expect.

The owner asked me some questions about my bras. She wanted to check the fit, especially the band that fit just below my bust line. She explained it was very important for that band to fit snugly against my chest wall. If it didn’t, the breast forms would slip and sag causing back pain. After taking a few measurements, she found the bra I was wearing was 2 sizes too big. I’d lost weight since my last fitting and that had affected my bra size. Next we discussed the prostheses. She asked if I wanted to stay with the same kind I’d purchased 2 years ago. They were unique because they were made with a special cooling gel layer. It was meant to fit right next to the chest wall and remain cool throughout the day. If I wanted to keep that kind, I’d need to stay in the same size range as before. Those types of prostheses were flat and fit close to the body. They did not project like normal breast tissue and they were much lighter weight than regular prostheses. I explained to the fitter that I was hoping to find something with a little more OOMPH. She laughed and said she knew exactly what product I’d like. I watched as she searched through stacks of boxes. She was diligently seeking something particular. Within a few minutes, she had two light pink boxes in her hands and inside were silicone prostheses. She had chosen prostheses in sizes 8 and 9. Prostheses come in numerical sizes according breast size, body height and weight. I had been wearing a 7, she explained and now would need to step up to an 8 or 9. After searching high and low, the owner could only find one size 8 breast form and one size 9. She said we’d have to just work with what we had, so she slipped the size 8 in the left side of my mastectomy bra and asked me how it felt. It was a lot heavier than I expected! The size 7 I’d been wearing was very light. Then, she slipped the size 9 in the right side of my bra and asked how it felt. The right side of my bra sagged down lower with the weight of the size 9 form in it. I knew it was much too heavy for me so I told her I thought I’d go with an 8. Both the 8 and 9 were B cups. The size 7 I’d been wearing was a AA! The difference in cup size along with the increase in breast form size accounted for the increased weight of the new breast forms. I wondered exactly how much they weighed. Out of curiosity, I’d taken my size 7 AA prostheses and weighed them on my postal scale. The two prostheses and the bra weighed a whopping 5 pounds! That’s a lot to carry around on your chest and now, I was going to be wearing even more weight with the new breast forms. (I wondered how the nurse at my doctor’s office would react the next time she took me to the scale for a weigh in and instead of just removing my shoes before getting on the scale, I unsnapped my bra and whipped it off, too. Afterall, that weight is artificial and shouldn’t really be counted into my actual body mass if it’s not really my own flesh and blood, right?! 5-10 pounds less could make a huge difference in my favor!)

The owner stepped out of the fitting room to allow me time to get dressed. As I put on my clothes, I tiptoed out into the hallway to look at all the boxes of prostheses just outside my room. There were shelves of boxes stacked up to the ceiling. They must do a lot of volume here, I thought to myself. I wondered if I had made the right choice in going with a size 8 prosthesis.

At the register, I watched the owner tally up the sale on her little order form. I listened to Chris Tomlin singing “How Great is Our God” as she totaled everything. The total was just under $1000!!! I almost fainted until I heard her say, “Don’t worry, sweetie. You’ve already met your deductible for the year so you’ll only have to pay your 20%.” Whew!!! I was so thankful we had insurance! I wondered how women without insurance manage to buy their prostheses. Each prosthesis cost between $300-$500 and each bra cost between $40-$75. Thankfully, our insurance allows me to get 4 new bras a year and a new set of prostheses every two years. Not all insurance plans are as generous.

At the end of this week, I’ll go back to pick up my order. I think I’ll suggest, to the owners of Renewal, they make a “play area” for the women who’ll come in this year for their first set of breast forms. They could display various sizes and styles of prostheses in an attractive way and put up little signs that say, “Give me a squeeze!” or “Feel me Up!” It might help ease the tension just a bit and allow first timers a chance to laugh before getting down to business. It’s a scary thing to choose new breasts when you’d much rather have the real ones back but, it can also be fun if you look at it through eyes of gratitude. I’m grateful to be alive. I’m grateful for insurance. I’m grateful for lifelike breast forms that allow me to feel normal even when I know I’m not. I’m also thankful for sweet, Christian ladies who have hearts of gold. They temper love with a Christlike attitude of service and that makes all the difference in the world.

Maybe “Boobs R Us” isn’t such a great name for a shop that sells prostheses. I think Renewal is much better. The dictionary defines renewal as:

• the act of extending the period of time when something is effective or valid : the act of renewing something 
• the state of being made new, fresh, or strong again : the state of being renewed 

I like both of these definitions but especially the part about being made strong again. Yes, Renewal is a much better name than “Boobs R Us,” but it made you smile, didn’t it?

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