Crazy Weather

We had a tornado touch down in our county today. It got pitch black here and rained hard. The sky began to look an eery shade of green and I expected a tornado to drop down right in our back yard! Thankfully it wasn't close to our house this time. We prayed before the storm started asking God for protection. We've really had some weird weather this year and next week is supposed to be a repeat of today. All this is going on while up North they're getting ice and snow!

Flowers are blooming everywhere and look so pretty other than being covered in pollen. This time of year the blossoms pop out just in time for Easter. I love seeing all the beautiful color but the pollen irritates my eyes and sinuses.

Today I went for my pre-op bloodwork. Knee replacement will be April 18, so please be praying then. I'm very nervous about it and the rehab after. I definitely don't want to go through any more pain. I've had my share in this life. I guess the older you get the faster your body wears out. One more reminder that this is only our temporary home.

Hiking in the Rain

Some days you just get antsy and have to get out of the house. That's the way I felt yesterday. It was a dreary, gloomy day and was drizzling rain but I knew if I stayed inside, I'd get depressed and I didn't want that. After talking with my husband, we decided to pack a picnic lunch and head for our closest state park. Weekdays aren't normally busy. 

Pulling out our big Buccee's insulated bag, I quickly made sandwiches, bagged up some chips, gathered fruit, and slid drinks into the bag. Next, I tucked in paper plates and napkins. Within fifteen minutes the bag was packed, I'd grabbed a jacket, and we were out the door. 

It was spitting rain as we drove to the park but we didn't mind. The weather app said it'd be letting up soon so we were hopeful. 

We arrived at the park and half an hour later and found hardly a soul visiting. Our stomachs were growling so first stop would be a covered pavilion where we could eat without getting wet. It was nice to feel the cool breeze as we downed lunch. When we were through, we drove to a trailhead, pulled out our hiking poles, and started out. 

The forest floor was damp from earlier rains but we didn't mind. I wished I'd thought to put on my hiking boots instead of wearing my new Hokas. I knew I could wash them but didn't want to get them covered in mud. 

We hiked a few miles then stopped for a break. The sky overhead had turned a brilliant blue and the moss on the trees was a neon green. Tiny purple violets dotted the woodland floor as birds overhead called to each other. 

Being outside always makes me feel at peace and brings back so many childhood memories of swinging on vines over creeks or playing Army with my siblings. Those were such happy, carefree days. 

We stayed in the park until 5:00 pm then headed home. It had been a very relaxing day, one I desperately needed. 

I'm so thankful we buy annual park passes. As seniors, we can get them at a discount. Twenty-five dollars is a small price to pay for unlimited visits and we have so many parks to choose from. That makes me extremely happy. 

 

Make time for the ones you love

I have four children whom I dearly love, but it's hard to spend time with them because none of them live close. And while I do my best to be part of their lives through phone calls, texts, and emails, I'd rather see them in person on a daily basis like I did when they were younger and all lived at home. I understand they're grown and have their own lives. I'm proud of each of them and know they're busy with their own families, but I still need them. 

My youngest daughter is in constant touch. I get phone calls every day and our relationship is just about as tight as it always was but with the others, it's a challenge. My son works 2 jobs and is now spending time running back and forth helping take care of his grandchildren. My oldest daughter lives in another state and is always busy with her 5 children and their extracurricular activities. My middle daughter only lives about an hour away, but homeschools her daughter and spends a lot of time serving in her church. All of them stay busy and I do my best to respect their time, but occasionally, am needy. That's why I reached out and established a monthly Mother Daughter day. I wanted to schedule a time to devote solely to her. Middle children always seem to get the shaft and it's not fair. I wanted to remedy that. 

When I mentioned the concept to her, she readily agreed it would be fun. So for the past few months, we've looked at our calendars and figured out a day that worked best for each of us. Yesterday was our special day and we both looked forward to it. 

When she arrived, I was so happy to see her. After a big hug and a quick goodbye to my hubby, we headed out to lunch. It was nice to get out and catch up over a good pizza and then do some shopping. When the day was over, I was sad. I wanted more time but understood she had to get back home to her waiting husband and daughter. 

Growing old is hard. Having grown children who live far away is even more hard, especially since all I knew, for the majority of my life, was being a mother. I loved it with all my heart. This season of life is interesting. While I enjoy spending time with my husband doing the things we enjoy doing, I still need my "kid fix" every day. 

I don't like living so far away from the kiddos and hope, in the near future, to move closer to one of them. As we grow older and our health declines, we're going to need someone to help us out. That time seems to be quickly approaching. 

I'm so thankful God allowed me to have 4 beautiful children, 9 very special grandchildren, and 2 great grandchildren. My quiver is definitely full! I don't know what I'd do without them. 

Something wicked this way comes

It's the middle of March and it's 70 degrees. The air is humid and eery. Weather men are predicting powerful storms tonight and the possibilty of long tracking, deadly tornadoes. As we sit outside, we can feel a type of energy in the air. It's ominous and makes me nervous. 

In 2021, an EF4 tornado hit downtown Newnan which is about 15 miles from our current house. Back then, it was less than 10 from where we lived and we stayed up all night praying as we huddled on the floor of our laundry room. That was one of the scariest nights of my life. 

After that huge tornado slammed into our city and decimated it, I told my husband we needed to be better prepared for the next weather event. I ordered some thick, sturdy bike helmets from Amazon. I bought a solar cell phone charger and gathered thick pillow and blankets. We came up with a plan. The next time tornadoes were predicted, we were going to be ready. 

I don't like living in "tornado alley," a wide swath of land that begins in Alabama and stretches across the western part of Georgia. While I've lived in this danger zone for most of my life, I'm looking forward to leaving it. In fact, on my next move, I'm planning on making sure I'm many miles away from it. 

Tornadoes have scared me since I was a child. When I first watched the Wizard of Oz, I realized how powerful they could be. Even though that was a fictional movie, at a tender young age, it scarred me for life. 

I've seen 2 tornadoes in real life. The 2
I've seen were from a safe distance and as I watched in awe, I never forgot how deadly and powerful they could be. The first one I saw was far off on the horizon as I was camping with my Girl Scout troop. The second one was dropping down from the sky as I had traveled to Carson Newman College to help pack up my little sister as she prepared to move. That one didn't touch ground but it was mesmerizing to watch it slowly form and dip down from the sky.

My mother in law told me about living through the 1936 tornado that basically obliterated downtown Gainesville. That storm left more than 200 dead, 1600 injured, and 2,000 homeless. It caused millions of dollars worth of damage. When I moved to Gainesville back in the mid 1980s, I'll never forget when one passed over our house. The sky went a nasty shade of green and the air felt alive. Thankfully, that one passed us by but I was so frightened. 

I guess the thing that scares me most about tornadoes is the time of day they hit. Often they come in the dark hours of night when you can't see them coming. I do have weather alerts set on my phone but when they're predicting this kind of weather, I rarely sleep a wink for fear of the unknown. 

Today as we've been watching the sky and feeling uneasy about the approaching storms, we prayed. We asked God to protect us from danger, to protect our home, keep our power on, keep the big trees all around is soundly in place, and to protect our friends and loved ones. As I type this, I look out my office windy and hear the wind blowing hard. Large oak trees sway in the breeze and the sky is mottled shades of gray. 

I can't help but think about Jesus when He was in the boat on the Sea of Galilee. That sea isn't really a sea. It's a huge lake. I've been there. While we were in Israel, on the day we were scheduled to tour the sea on a large, covered fishing boat, the lake became so rough the trip was postponed. At first we were sad. We really wanted to get out on the lake but as our bus passed around the lake, on our way to another tourist location, we watched the strong waves rolling on the sea. I was thankful we were able to see how powerful the wind whips across the water there. It helped me visualize what it might have been like when Jesus and the disciples were on the water. As a storm raged all around, Jesus slept contently in the back of the boat while the disciples panicked. I used to wonder, as the disciples did, how He would sleep so peacefully in the midst of such chaos but as I studied, I learned He was able to sleep because He knew He had the power to still the waves. I think He was giving an object lesson to His students - a valuable lesson in faith and trust. 

So, tonight as the storms gain momentum and night begins to fall, I'm going to do my best to remember Who controls the wind. Freaking out won't help me any. Yes, I'm prepared with all the necessary physical comforts and protection I can have, but I'm also steeling my heart with the reminder that God knows exactly where I am and His hand of protection is over me. Nothing will happen to me that He doesn't allow and that gives me great peace of mind. 

Tornadoes are powerful and dangerous. They're definitely not something to take lightly, but if we have faith in Jesus, we can rest assured that He's got us right in the palm of His mighty hand and He will be with us through anything. How do I know? Because He's said in His Word that He'll never leave or forsake us. And never is a very long time.

An unexpected blessing

This morning was my annual visit to the oncologist. For the past week, I've been dreading it and no matter how hard I tried to think positively, it seemed the louder the devil's whispers became - "So what if you've been cancer free for 11 years. You don't know if it won't ever come back again. When you least expect it, it could pop back into your life." And then I could almost hear an evil laughter in the background. I knew those were only lies of the enemy. I was a child of God and I trusted Him to keep me in the palm of His hands no matter what. If He chose to let cancer back into my life, He'd equip me to fight it. If He choose to keep me cancer free for the rest of my life, then I would continually thank and praise Him for His goodness and mercy. Either way, I had to have faith and I had to have hope. 

My appointment was at 10:00 AM but I woke at 5:00 AM. I was nervous. Every time I've gone in in the past, I've felt pretty certain I was going to get good results on my CA19 and CA125 blood work. (Those are tests that are specific to cancer antigens in the blood.) And so far, I've been right. So why was I so nervous this time? Maybe it was because of something that popped up in my Facebook feed the other day. It was a photo and reminder of a friend of mine who'd lived 22 years cancer free and then suddenly her cancer returned and took her life. Experiencing that with her helped me see one was never truly free from a fear of recurrence. 

Bonnie Ferguson, my friend 

After rising, I grabbed my ear buds and pulled up an audio book I'd borrowed from the library. Lying back down in bed, I lay listening to the story as I tried to still my mind. After a couple of hours, I decided to get up and have some coffee. I needed the energy boost. When I'd finished the last drop, I told my husband I was going to get dressed and ready for the appointment.  

As I put on my makeup, I couldn't help looking in the mirror and thinking, "What would I do if they said my numbers were high? How would I react? Would I agree to take chemo this time?" The thoughts kept coming as I worked. Feeling overly anxious, I ate an Ashwaghanda gummy. (Ashwaghanda is a plant that belongs to the ginseng family is is often used in Ayurvedic medicine to help relieve stress. Several years ago, the integrative health doctor at the cancer center recommended it to me and it's helped greatly when I've felt overly anxious.)

We drove to the cancer center and found the parking lot packed. City of Hope Atlanta is always full because it's one of 5 such cancer treatment centers in the US and ours serves the Southeast region of the US. Patients come from many states and some even stay for weeks or months at at time in nearby hotels or in the RV lot on the back of the property. Finally, after several laps around the lot, we found a car pulling out and were able to take their space. Hesitantly, I got out of the car and walked to the front of the building. I was so thankful to have my husband's strong hand holding mine. Knowing he was there to offer moral support meant everything to me. 

After registration and lab work, I headed to the Peach Clinic where I'd meet my new oncologist. This would be the 5th one I'd seen in 11 years. The others had either left the practice or had transferred to another facility. I'd prayed and asked God to help me find the right one after my last visit and He pointed me to Dr. Radovich, a woman doctor who'd been working in oncology for over 20 years. 

I was called back and placed in an exam room. Shortly thereafter, the doctor and a scribe came into the room. The doctor introduced herself to my husband and I, then got down to business. She went over my medical history, lab results, and did a physical exam. When she was done, she said everything looked great and smiled a great big smile. I told her how thankful I was to have found her and I appreciated her kindness. That's when she said something that surprised me - "You won't see me but another year." She could tell I was surprised and then she said, "You won't see me but one more time because next year you'll move in to the survivorship program!" I let out a big sigh of relief and then started laughing. The doctor rolled over to me on her little doctor's stool. Sitting beside me she looked deep into my eyes and said, "Do you believe in God?" I was so shocked by her question. I'd never had a doctor ask me that before. I assured her I did and then she really blew me away when she said, "Can I pray for you?" 

Taking both of my hands in hers, she said the sweetest prayer over me. She prayed for my health, my peace, and for my upcoming knee replacement surgery to go well. She asked God to bring me comfort and calm my anxious heart. She overwhelmed me with the tenderness and sincerity of her words. As she came to a close, tears streamed down my face. I had received such an unexpected blessing I could hardly contain my emotions. 

Still holding my hands, the doctor looked at me and smiled. I told her that was the first time in my life I'd ever had a doctor pray over me and she said, "I'm sure some of them have prayed for you in the past, they just never spoke the words out loud for you to hear. I learned a long time ago that my patients needed me to pray for them and they needed to hear the words spoken over them." I thanked her over and over again before she left the room and told me she'd see me next year.  

When we left the building, I felt like I was floating. Not only had my blood work come back okay, but my day had turned out so differently than expected. Closing the car door, I offered up a breath prayer for Dr. Radovich and for God's goodness to me. 

Cancer has been a life altering event in my life but thankfully, God has chosen to let me continue to live and share my story with others. I've had faithful prayer warriors standing in the gap for me before, during, and after most of my medical exams, tests, and surgeries and I'm extremely grateful for all of them but I must say, having a doctor pray aloud for me was one of the best gifts I've had since diagnosis. I'll never forget this day or how a believing physician made a huge impact on my life.

49 years

Today is my son's 49th birthday and I can hardly believe I'm old enough to say that. It seems like yesterday I was heading to the hospital to give birth for the first time. I was so young and so very scared. I had no idea what to expect - no childbirth classes to prepare me to breathe properly or ride out the pain. Instead, as each labor pain grew in intensity, I struggled against it feeling like I was about to split wide open and just when I thought I couldn't bear another second of terror, my beautiful baby boy arrived. I'll never forget how it felt to have him placed in my arms. His tiny body cradled against me, I felt such love and utter infatuation. Finally, I had something or someone to call my own. 

How could the time have flown so quickly? 1976 seems a lifetime away. Looking back, I marvel. I was such a child when I gave birth for the first time only I didn't realize it at the time. I was just 19. By today's standards, I would have just graduated college a year earlier and be enjoying my first year of college, but I'd never been raised to think that way. As I was growing up, it was instilled into me that the greatest calling a woman could have was to be a mother, so that's what I aspired to be, but when you're so young, it's a huge challenge to be a good mother and though I did my best, I don't think I was a very good one. 

Day by day, I worked hard to love my child unconditionally. He was the light of my life and filled me with such happiness. Yes, it was hard to endure sleepless nights when he was sick or teething, but I did it anyway. Some days were more challenging than others because I didn't really know what I was doing. I was winging it and often would have to ask for help from my mother. Naturally, she was honored when I called on her and always stepped up to the plate, but sometimes, she overstepped and tried to usurp my role. But that's a story for another day. 

Thankfully, I can look at my son today and see he's a good kid. He's a wonderful father and now, a grandfather! As I watch him interact with his little grandchildren, I smile knowing I did something right. At least, I think I did. My only goal, as a mother, was to teach him to love and be loved. I hope he'll pass that legacy down throughout the generations to come. 

Next year, Lord willing, He'll be 50 and I'll be 69! And one day, when I'm old and decrepit, I hope he'll come to me and tell me I mattered.

Life Lessons from a Book

Back in 1997, I read a little book called "Tuesdays with Morrie." I'd forgotten all about it until last week when I found a copy at a little free library. Taking it home, I put it on my TBR (To Be Read) shelf and said I'd get to it when I'd finished a couple of other books. (Normally I'm reading 2-3 books at a time.) Reading is my guilty, not guilty pleasure. 

Passing the shelf yesterday, I glanced down and saw the book on top of some others. Hmmm. I know I've read this before, I thought, but maybe I'll read it again since it's been years. I don't normally do that. Once I've read something, that's it. I don't revisit, except for the Bible which I read cover to cover annually. 

Picking up the book, I read a few pages and my memory was refreshed. The story was about an elderly man who was suffering from ALS, also known as Lou Gehrig's disease. There's no know cure and I was very familiar with it, you see, my maternal Grandmother died from it. 

I'd forgotten about all the tender details the author shared and as I was reading, found myself remembering my grandmother and all she went through. When she was first diagnosed, it was in the early 70's there hadn't been a lot of medical research on the disease because it was so rare. I was a teen but boy do I remember how horrid the disease was as I watched my grandmother slowly decline. Day by day, her muscles atrophied. She lost the ability to walk. Then she lost the ability to talk. She had to have a tracheotomy and needed her lungs suctioned all the time. She needed to be fed through a tube and as we watched her waste away, our hearts were ripped from us. 

In the book, Morrie Schwartz shared life lessons with his former pupil, Mitch Albom. They met every Tuesday. The book begins as Morrie is diagnosed with the disease and progresses until he dies. During those Tuesday meetings, Morrie wants Mitch to know what he's experiencing. He shares his life in such a personal way you don't want to put the book down. Each page I read brought memories I thought I'd tucked away. I re-pictured my grandmother's face as she was doing her best to get through each day.  

There were so many powerful quotes in the book that I found myself underlining each one that touched my heart, especially this one -"Life is a series of pulls back and forth... A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. Most of us live somewhere in the middle. A wrestling match...Which side wins? Love wins. Love always wins”
― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, a Young Man, and Life's Greatest Lesson

How true! Life is a series of pulls back and forth. We all struggle daily in one way or another. Some deal with devastating disease, others with depression. Whatever the case may be, none of us go through life without some kind of trial. 

I've been dealing with a lot of health issues lately and discouragement has been my daily companion. When you can't control your body, it's only natural to feel that way. But I've tried my best to remember there are others who struggle with issues much more difficult than I. When I do that, I can be thankful, even for the path I'm on right now. And I tell myself God knows where I am and what's going on. He hasn't taken His eye off of me. 

And I got a sweet reminder today of that very thing from a friend I've never had the pleasure of meeting in person. Her name is Kathie. We connected through an article I wrote years ago for a cancer magazine. Since that time, we've become good "far away" friends. We talk on the phone when God prompts one of us to call the other, we email, we pray for each other. It's a great connection and the timing is always so on point, we know it could only be God's. 

If you haven't read the book, I hope you will. It's not very long - 210 pages. I know it will touch your heart as you read and if you don't cry somewhere in there, you missed the lessons. 

God is so good to give us the gift of friendship. Just like Morrie and Mitch were put into each other's lives for a reason, Kathie and I were as well. Don't take your friendships for granted. Say what you want to say before you don't have time to say it. Living with regret is never easy.