An unexpected blessing

This morning was my annual visit to the oncologist. For the past week, I've been dreading it and no matter how hard I tried to think positively, it seemed the louder the devil's whispers became - "So what if you've been cancer free for 11 years. You don't know if it won't ever come back again. When you least expect it, it could pop back into your life." And then I could almost hear an evil laughter in the background. I knew those were only lies of the enemy. I was a child of God and I trusted Him to keep me in the palm of His hands no matter what. If He chose to let cancer back into my life, He'd equip me to fight it. If He choose to keep me cancer free for the rest of my life, then I would continually thank and praise Him for His goodness and mercy. Either way, I had to have faith and I had to have hope. 

My appointment was at 10:00 AM but I woke at 5:00 AM. I was nervous. Every time I've gone in in the past, I've felt pretty certain I was going to get good results on my CA19 and CA125 blood work. (Those are tests that are specific to cancer antigens in the blood.) And so far, I've been right. So why was I so nervous this time? Maybe it was because of something that popped up in my Facebook feed the other day. It was a photo and reminder of a friend of mine who'd lived 22 years cancer free and then suddenly her cancer returned and took her life. Experiencing that with her helped me see one was never truly free from a fear of recurrence. 

Bonnie Ferguson, my friend 

After rising, I grabbed my ear buds and pulled up an audio book I'd borrowed from the library. Lying back down in bed, I lay listening to the story as I tried to still my mind. After a couple of hours, I decided to get up and have some coffee. I needed the energy boost. When I'd finished the last drop, I told my husband I was going to get dressed and ready for the appointment.  

As I put on my makeup, I couldn't help looking in the mirror and thinking, "What would I do if they said my numbers were high? How would I react? Would I agree to take chemo this time?" The thoughts kept coming as I worked. Feeling overly anxious, I ate an Ashwaghanda gummy. (Ashwaghanda is a plant that belongs to the ginseng family is is often used in Ayurvedic medicine to help relieve stress. Several years ago, the integrative health doctor at the cancer center recommended it to me and it's helped greatly when I've felt overly anxious.)

We drove to the cancer center and found the parking lot packed. City of Hope Atlanta is always full because it's one of 5 such cancer treatment centers in the US and ours serves the Southeast region of the US. Patients come from many states and some even stay for weeks or months at at time in nearby hotels or in the RV lot on the back of the property. Finally, after several laps around the lot, we found a car pulling out and were able to take their space. Hesitantly, I got out of the car and walked to the front of the building. I was so thankful to have my husband's strong hand holding mine. Knowing he was there to offer moral support meant everything to me. 

After registration and lab work, I headed to the Peach Clinic where I'd meet my new oncologist. This would be the 5th one I'd seen in 11 years. The others had either left the practice or had transferred to another facility. I'd prayed and asked God to help me find the right one after my last visit and He pointed me to Dr. Radovich, a woman doctor who'd been working in oncology for over 20 years. 

I was called back and placed in an exam room. Shortly thereafter, the doctor and a scribe came into the room. The doctor introduced herself to my husband and I, then got down to business. She went over my medical history, lab results, and did a physical exam. When she was done, she said everything looked great and smiled a great big smile. I told her how thankful I was to have found her and I appreciated her kindness. That's when she said something that surprised me - "You won't see me but another year." She could tell I was surprised and then she said, "You won't see me but one more time because next year you'll move in to the survivorship program!" I let out a big sigh of relief and then started laughing. The doctor rolled over to me on her little doctor's stool. Sitting beside me she looked deep into my eyes and said, "Do you believe in God?" I was so shocked by her question. I'd never had a doctor ask me that before. I assured her I did and then she really blew me away when she said, "Can I pray for you?" 

Taking both of my hands in hers, she said the sweetest prayer over me. She prayed for my health, my peace, and for my upcoming knee replacement surgery to go well. She asked God to bring me comfort and calm my anxious heart. She overwhelmed me with the tenderness and sincerity of her words. As she came to a close, tears streamed down my face. I had received such an unexpected blessing I could hardly contain my emotions. 

Still holding my hands, the doctor looked at me and smiled. I told her that was the first time in my life I'd ever had a doctor pray over me and she said, "I'm sure some of them have prayed for you in the past, they just never spoke the words out loud for you to hear. I learned a long time ago that my patients needed me to pray for them and they needed to hear the words spoken over them." I thanked her over and over again before she left the room and told me she'd see me next year.  

When we left the building, I felt like I was floating. Not only had my blood work come back okay, but my day had turned out so differently than expected. Closing the car door, I offered up a breath prayer for Dr. Radovich and for God's goodness to me. 

Cancer has been a life altering event in my life but thankfully, God has chosen to let me continue to live and share my story with others. I've had faithful prayer warriors standing in the gap for me before, during, and after most of my medical exams, tests, and surgeries and I'm extremely grateful for all of them but I must say, having a doctor pray aloud for me was one of the best gifts I've had since diagnosis. I'll never forget this day or how a believing physician made a huge impact on my life.