Journey Out of Pink

Last night, I was taken to the ER with possible AFib. I didn't want to go in an ambulance because they cost so much but knew if we drove ourselves, we'd sit in the waiting room more than 6 hours before being seen. (Been there done that!) So I let them take me.  Without going into all the details of ineptitude I experienced from hospital staff, I'll just say it was a very bad experience. I was at the ER until almost 2 AM (over 8 hours)! It was freezing cold in there and I'm so glad I know how to unhook the machinery to get up and go to the bathroom, otherwise I'd have wet the bed. No one came to check on me regularly and I finally told them, at the 7 hour mark, that they could either discharge me or I was going to leave AMA. When I said that, through the call button to the nurse's station, I was told if I left AMA that Medicare wouldn't cover my ER visit. I checked on that and found it to be untrue so I called back and said if the doc wasn't there in the ...

I used to wonder why the Bible says do not fear over 365 times. Pastors usually mention this in their sermons at some point during their career. Today, as I was experiencing some heart rhythm abnormalities, I started to become very fearful. The more fearful I became, the higher my blood pressure went.  There are a lot of things you can control in your body, but you can't control your heart. Over the past few months, I've been dealing with possible AFib. If you don't know what that means, imagine having your heart beat really slow for a few minutes and then be really really fast and then start the same process over again. The rhythm is completely out of whack. It's extremely scary and can make you feel very light-headed and weak. Now can you see why I get scared?  No matter what I tried to do, fear seems to overtake me. I do my best to remain calm. I'm a believer and I know that God is in control, but I don't want to die a heart attack.  We have a huge history of...

When I was a child, I learned a lot of silly songs. Sometimes those pop into my mind at random times of the day. Today, as I was feeling kind of crappy, this one came to the forefront of my mind, "The Old Gray Mare Just Ain't What She Used to be."I don't even think I knew what a mare was when I was a young child, but the tune was catchy and we loved to repeat it during camp outs as we sat around the campfire when I was in Girl Scouts. I finally figured out that a mare was an older horse, one that wasn't able to pull it's weight anymore, one that'd soon be put out to pasture or shipped off the glue factory. And that's just about what I feel like today.  Almost everything in my body hurts. It's been a tough year for me. I've been through many medical procedures and I can tell my body is flashing red lights of warning. My time is growing short. Aches and pains are part of aging, but they sure do suck! I'd give anything to wake up from a good n...

  On Resurrection Sunday, one of the most holy days for believers, we made plans to attend one of my daughter's churches. It was also going to be a very special day for me because my youngest granddaughter was getting baptized.    As I got ready for church, I was going to wear a dress. Since the weather had turned warmer, there was no need to wear slacks anymore. But there was a problem. My legs were lily white. I hadn't been in the sun much and those limbs would be visible, even if I wore a mid-length skirt as I usually did. Digging in my drawer, I looked for a pair of panty hose. I hadn't wore any in ages. I hated them! No luck. So what was I to do? Tights, yes! I had a pair of black ones.    I took them out and looked at them. They'd only been worn once. They were thin, more like hose than regular tights which were thicker. I knew, with my rough hands, I'd surely snag them when donning them, so I dug in the drawer again. I knew they were in there somewhere......

Today was Palm Sunday. We celebrated with one of my daughters and her husband at their church. On the way home, we stopped by our old house. We always feel nostalgic when we pass that area of town and stop by as often as we can. But today when we passed, we were dumbfounded. The man who'd purchased the home last year had taken down all of the trees on both sides of the house and in front of it! He'd totally decimated the property! Our house used to be lush and green, filled with beautiful trees! I loved those trees! They gave us lovely color in the fall and soothing breezes in the summer. As we looked over the terrain, my heart felt crushed. One of the reasons we'd purchased that home in the first place was because of the huge wooded lot. I couldn't understand how someone could destroy God's beautiful creation so easily and quickly.  We pulled onto the gravel road beside the house and saw the new owner out in the yard. I rolled down the window and called out to him....

Insomnia sucks! For the past few years I've been struggling with it but over the last several months, it's become unbearable. Trying to function on 3 or 4 hours of sleep has been challenging. Not only have I been physically exhausted, I've lost mental clarity.  I have tried everything in the book. No amount of herbal remedies or bottles of melatonin have worked. Even adding in Sleepy Time tea hasn't helped. Finally, at my wit's end, I made a call to my doctor. I was desperate. Thankfully, he listened and was willing to help.  When the pharmacy called and said my prescription was ready, I was hesitant. I didn't want to have to take a medication to fall asleep, but when you can't make your brain stop, what do you do?  Last night, I slept for 8 and 1/2 hours! That's the first time I've done that since I was a teenager! I woke up feeling rested and ready to face the day. I was so thankful.  It's amazing how sleep affects one's ability to function...

It's funny the things you remember on a warm afternoon. Today I was thinking about my childhood and all the wonderful things my parents did to make it special. Money was tight as we were growing up so little extras always meant a lot.  I remember one year when I was six or seven. Easter was coming and everywhere we went we'd see these tiny little chicks for sale. They had been dyed bright, beautiful colors - pinks, blues, greens, purples, and oranges. My sister, brother, and I thought they were the cutest things ever and begged for one of those little chicks. We promised the promises all little children make when they desperately want an animal - the promises to feed, clean up after, and care for the tiny creature. We whined and begged pulling on Mama's dress hem. The answer back then was always, "We'll see." We learned quickly that hint of hope usually meant "I'm sorry, we just can't afford it right now." But this one year, was different. Ma...