CBD is working for me!

When my naturopathic doctor recommended I begin using cannabidiol, CBD, to help manage pain, I was shocked. I was very unfamiliar with CBD. Although I’d been seeing and hearing a lot about it on social media, the only thing I really knew was what I’d read. I had no first hand knowledge. I did understand that CBD was derived from the same plant known as marijuana, or Cannabis Sativa. CBD, according to my doctor, was the good part, the part without the psychoactive component of the plant called tetrahydrocannabinol otherwise known as THC. Taking CBD oil, he assured, would not cause me to feel “high.”  

For many months, the post cancer pain I’d been experiencing had grown increasingly troublesome. I’d visited the doctor several times to find a solution and we’d discussed options such as chiropractic care, acupuncture, nerve blocks, and even surgery. Not only was I suffering from post cancer body pain, I also struggled with secondary lymphedema, degenerative spinal issues, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The pain and the anxiety I felt on a daily basis,  had become overwhelming. I needed help but didn’t want to go the prescription pain medication route. I was fearful about the possibility of addiction.

The doctor recommended I take two cannabinoids, cannabigerol and cannabidiol. Cannibigerol, CBG, was a lesser known cannabinoid that worked well with the body’s own endocannabinoid system. I didn’t really understand it but according to information found on the website leafly.com, things became a little more clear. Their site said, “To understand the human endocannabinoid system, it’s helpful to know a little about one of the most fundamental concepts in biology: homeostasis. And the best way to understand homeostasis is to think of Goldilocks and the three bears. That classic fairy tale illustrated the idea that the best outcome often lies somewhere in the middle, between two extremes. We don’t want things too hot or too cold, but just right. Homeostasis is the concept that most biological systems are actively regulated to maintain conditions within a narrow range. Our body doesn’t want its temperature to be too hot or too cold, blood sugar levels too high or too low, and so on. Conditions need to be just right for our cells to maintain optimum performance, and exquisite mechanisms have evolved to draw them back to the Goldilocks zone if they move out. The body’s endocannabinoid system (ECS) is a vital molecular system for helping maintain homeostasis—it helps cells stay in their Goldilocks zone.”

After reading that information, I did think CBD would be good for my body. Anything that could help keep things in balance and prevent a recurrence of cancer was for me.

Along with the CBG, it was also recommended I begin taking cannabidiol, CBD, another natural component of the cannabis plant. Taking the CBG and CBD in conjunction with one another should give me good results, the doctor assured me.

Leaving the cancer treatment center, I was given information to purchase the CBG and CBD tinctures locally. The mom and pop shop selling the cannabis products was just around the corner from the hospital, so I went immediately to make my purchases.

Upon entering the shop, I felt skittish. I had no idea what I needed to buy. The shop owner began to show and explain about each product. I could choose tinctures, which were oil based, gel capsules, vaping pens, or even gummy candies. There were many strengths available, too. Relying on the advice of the shop owner, I left the store with one small bottle of CBG and one of CBD. Each one-ounce bottle cost just under $100.

Taking the products home, I planned the first dose of CBG after lunch. Assuming it would be best taken with food, I was excited and nervous.

Drawing up the greenish oil into the glass dropper, I readied my mouth to accept the liquid. I’d been instructed to place one dropper full of oil underneath my tongue. As I did so, I noticed a heady taste, almost like liquid grass. There were no immediate side effects noticed after ingesting, but I’d been told it could take up to two hours for the effects to be felt. I made a mental note to watch for side effects and share them with my physician.

That evening, I took my next dose. This time I’d be trying the CBD oil. Unlike the CBG, this tincture had been flavored with peppermint oil to make it more palatable. The taste was definitely better but even without a flavoring, the taste of the CBG hadn’t been unbearable, just different.

The effects of the CBD weren’t realized until the following morning when I discovered I’d slept soundly through the night, the first time I’d done that in several years.

Continuing to use the CBG and the CBD oils for the next few days, I noticed a significant decrease in my pain level. In fact, I barely noticed any pain at all! A feeling of relaxation was present as well. I was pleasantly surprised. These were significant changes that could only be attributed to the tinctures.

At the beginning of the third week, I found it necessary to add another dropper of the CBG to my daily regimen. I’d been only taking one dropper full of CBG in the morning and one dropperful of CBD at night before bed. With only two doses a day, I’d find myself needing something during the middle of the day as breakthrough pain would begin. “Since each body is different,” the doctor had said, I would need to make adjustments “to find what worked best.” In essence, I was going to have to be a human guinea pig.  

After a month of using both products, my overall physical health has improved. I’ve finally found the right combination of CBG and CBD that work for me. Before the products, controlling bodily pain was a challenge. I’d tried over the counter anti-inflammatory medication but it didn’t help.  With the cannabinoids, I could definitely tell a difference. I was surprised at how quickly the benefits appeared.

The products I used for this experiment contained 24 mg of cannabidiol per dropper, but as I’ve searched online for other products, I’ve noticed most of them contain lesser amounts of CBD per ml.  Conducting an online search for comparable products has been daunting. There are so many companies selling CBD products. Since none are federally regulated or tested, the consumer shoulders the responsibility to research products and companies before making a purchase.

A wide variety of products are available for consumers. Some companies making and selling these products are transparent about which parts of the cannabis plant are used in making their products and some are not. Some claim hemp oil is the same thing as CBD, but that’s inaccurate. Hemp oil is made from the seeds of the cannabis plant while cannabis oil comes from the flowers, leaves, and stalks.

And while CBD doesn’t contain enough THC to get a person high, there are definite benefits to using it. Cannabidiol has been shown to help alleviate symptoms of anxiety, reduce pain and inflammation, reduce the frequency of epileptic seizures, reduce inflammation related to diabetes, and may even help fight cancer!

Some states have legalized the use of Cannabis for medicinal reasons while others have approved the use of CBD products as long as they fall under the category of being a hemp only product. Hemp oil products can provide an alternative to medical marijuana for those who are unable to legally obtain it in their state.

If interested in trying CBD products, please do your homework. Not all companies are legitimate in their product advertisement. Remember the old adage, buyer beware. CBD products are popular but they’re also unregulated. Without government guidelines, some companies provide substandard products that may contain unhealthy ingredients such as pesticides or solvents.  

When shopping for CBD oil, how can you know that you’re getting a quality product? Legitimate companies interested in providing quality products for their consumers adhere to specific guidelines and standards they’ve set for themselves. They are usually willing to be openly share details of their product making and quickly answer consumers’ questions. These companies may also use third party testing to verify product quality.

The market is saturated with an ever-growing number of companies selling products made from the cannabis plant. However, with a little research, it is possible to make a wise decision and reap the healthy benefits of CBD.

If interested in trying CBD for health benefits, talk with your medical professional. Ask for suggestions on usage and for suggestions on suppliers.

Bottom line – I have been pleasantly surprised by CBG and CBD. It was helpful to have guidance from a medical professional on where to purchase a safe, quality product, what dosage to consume, and how to alleviate pain naturally. I don’t think I could have made an informed decision on my own without some guidance.

There are so many things to consider when buying CBG and CBD. There are literally thousands of products available online. Conducting your own internet search will provide a lot of valuable information and you’ll probably learn some new terms such as terpenes, and terpenoids.

If you’d prefer a shortcut to choosing products, check out this site for a quick introduction.

Using CBG and CBD can be part of an alternative therapy program, but as stated earlier in this post, each person’s body is different and the results may not always be the same. Each person must decide what is right for his/her own health.

Most CBG and CBD products on the market today contain under 0.3% THC. This is important to note especially when making purchases in states that have not legalized marijuana. Any product containing more THC would fall under the guidelines of those used for medical marijuana and may require a written prescription for purchase and carry.

Disclosure: The results I’ve received since using these tinctures has been amazing. I will continue to use the CBG and CBD products because of the beneficial results I’ve experienced. I will give a positive report to my oncologist at my visit next month.

Don't forget where you've been

My mother always told me to look where I was going. More than likely she started speaking those words to me when I was very young but I don't really remember when I first started to hear her chide me. 

What I do know is that as a daydreamer/multi-tasker, my focus has never on what was immediately in front of me. My head was always swiveling, trying to see not only where I was going but where I'd been. That was not necessarily a good thing and often, I ended up with scrapes and bruises from my inattention. But, looking back isn't always a bad thing. In fact, it can be a very good thing. 

Sometimes it's necessary to take a look back in order to see how far you've come. 

Today, as I was working to free up some space on my Google drive, I came across a multitude of photos from my cancer journey. That journey began in June of 2014. As I started to look through the photos, I became overwhelmed. Although it's been almost 5 years since my diagnosis, it seems like it was only yesterday. 

One of the photos that particularly impacted me was a picture of my naked torso. In that photo, I'd already had my breasts removed and had almost completely healed from that surgery. The photo was taken at the radiation clinic and the staff had just completed their "mark up" for my scheduled treatments. The dots and lines they'd applied with a Sharpie marker wouldn't stay on permanently but they'd stay on through the first couple of treatments. 

I remember well the day they began to mark up my body. They'd made a fiberglass mold of my upper body for the linear accelerator to insure accurate positioning every time I came in for treatment but then, they'd also explained, the need for markings to help line up the beams of radiation. Without them, some of my vital organs could be damaged. 

Radiation was difficult although I didn't feel a thing while going through the treatments. There were no sharp pains, no ill side effects other than some extreme fatigue and the burns I acquired about halfway through treatment. But later on, down the road, the doctor discovered I'd received some damage to the lower lobe of my right lung. They'd done everything they could to avoid damaging my organs but they could only control the radiation to a certain degree. I'd been warned in advance that the possibility of some residual damage was possible. 

As I looked at the photos of the radiation therapy, I could feel those feelings all over again. The feelings of embarrassment at having to bare my chest to even more people than I'd already done and of the feelings that cancer would never end. I was very down in the dumps during that time and feeling pretty hopeless. It wasn't good. 

But then I flipped through more photos and came across the ones from my first few cancerversaries. We'd had cake and family had come to help me celebrate those important milestones. Those were extremely happy memories and as I remembered those days, I was thankful. 

There were also photos of special trips we'd made to the beach and photos of my new boobs. I'd tried to document every aspect of my journey so my children would be able to look back one day and see how far I'd come. Some of the photos were extremely serious and some were overwhelmingly hilarious. 

Taking a walk down memory lane through Cancerland today was interesting. I'd forgotten about some of those moments but the photos helped remind me. As I looked back, I didn't lose sight of where I am now and I didn't find myself bumping into something that was going to cause me physical pain either. 

It's good to remember where you've been and how much you've overcome. Fighting cancer isn't easy, in fact, there are many, many lessons we learn along the way but some of them aren't realized until we glance back and face reality. 

Breast cancer hasn't been a total negative experience for me. I've learned many things along the way and some of those things I would have never learned were it not for this major health challenge. 

Along with being an "accident waiting to happen" as my mother always called me, I'm also a Pollyanna. My rose colored glasses help me find the good in both the past and in looking toward the future. 

I won't forget where I've been and I certainly won't forget where I'm going. Although I don't have an exact destination here on Earth, I know I'm moving forward one day at a time and that's good enough for me. 

What's it all about, Alfie?

Have you ever started a day with a song running through your mind? I have this happen to me a good bit and often, the songs come very early in the morning. This morning, it was 4:30 a.m. Not a popular time for most people to be awake and not particularly a time when people think about singing, but there it was...first a gentle whisper and then growing louder and louder. 

The name of the song was "What's it all about, Alfie." The song became popular in the late 60s and I remember hearing it often on the radio as I'd get ready for school. The tune was pleasant and thought provoking. Dionne Warwick did a splendid job of singing the song written by Burt Bacharach. 

Back then, I didn't grasp the meaning of the words as I listened to the song. If I'd realized the depth of it then, I'm sure I would have liked it even more than I did at the time. 

The older I get, the more melancholy I've become. Maybe it's because I'm realizing there are more years behind me than ahead of me. Maybe it's because I've finally realized how very precious life is - I have breast cancer to thank for that. In my B.C. days (before cancer) I took a lot for granted. 

Burt's song this morning, reminded me that without love we just exist. The Bible tells us that love is the most important thing of all. We're to love God with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength - that's the first commandment, but then, we're also supposed to love others as ourselves. Sometimes that can be a tall order especially when people aren't quite as lovable as we'd like them to be. 

Wouldn't it be wonderful if everyone in the world could grasp the concept that love is really all it takes to make the world go 'round? 

Well, I just realized I'm really dating myself with these song references but that's okay. I'm getting old and I have the white hair to prove it! 

What's it all about? None of us really understand but if we can focus on learning to love and love well, I think we're halfway there. 

I sure hope I don't wake up at the crack of dawn in the morning with another song in my head. If I do, I'd like to pick something with a little less depth - maybe Harvest Moon by Neil Young. Now that's a song I could wake up to every morning!

If you're not familiar with Burt Bacharach's song, here are the lyrics. You can listen to Dionne Warwick singing it here. 

What's it all about, Alfie?
Is it just for the moment we live?
What's it all about when you sort it out, Alfie?
Are we meant to take more than we give
Or are we meant to be kind?
And if only fools are kind, Alfie,
Then I guess it's wise to be cruel.
And if life belongs only to the strong, Alfie,
What will you lend on an old golden rule?
As sure as I believe there's a heaven above, Alfie,
I know there's something much more,
Something even non-believers can believe in.
I believe in love, Alfie.
Without true love we just exist, Alfie.
Until you find the love you've missed you're nothing, Alfie.
When you walk let your heart lead the way
And you'll find love any day, Alfie, Alfie.

Hooray for Hemp!

So much has happened since my last post and I keep telling myself that I'm going to work on that. I've been meaning to post more often but honestly, I've just been busy! Maybe in the future that will change but I'm not promising anything, mind you.

One of the best things that's happened since my last post was visiting the cancer treatment center and having a good heart to heart with the naturopath. We discussed my back pain and the post cancer PTSD and came to the conclusion that CBD oil might be worth a try.

I was surprised when the doctor even handed me a printout of recommended brands and dosages. He even knew of a shop right here in my home town that sells exactly what I needed. As I left the hospital, I was both excited and nervous. I wanted to try the CBD but wasn't sure if it would work for me.

When I arrived at the local distributor's shop, there were no products on display so I wasn't sure what I was going to be getting. I handed the printout from my doctor to the shop owner and she pulled the exact products the doctor had suggested. The first one was a CBG oil. I wasn't sure if that was correct and thought there'd been a typo but, as it turns out, Cannabigerol is a component of CBD. The doctor recommended I use the CBG during the day and that I use CBD at night.

I was shocked by the cost of each 1 ounce bottle. The CBG was $73 and the CBD was just under $100. If I decide to do this on a monthly basis, it could get quite expensive and insurance doesn't cover CBD oil.

Taking the tinctures home, I took my first dose after dinner. I didn't notice anything that day.

The following day, I took one dose of CBG right after breakfast and another mid day. I took the CBD that evening before bed. I was happy to find that I hadn't noticed back pain all day and usually, it kept me from doing many of the things I wanted to do. When I took the CBD just before bed, I slept like a rock. I hadn't had a good night's sleep in over 2 years!

Since those first initial days, I've found good results. I've been taking the tinctures for almost a month now and I'm planning on continuing. I've tried to find information online and compare prices but it's been a little overwhelming. There are so many companies out there and you just really have to do a lot of research to find out whether the companies are reputable  and have a quality product or if they're bogus.

I may end up going the medical marijuana route when I visit with the oncologist next month. We'd talked about it and discussed the need for a medical registration card in my state. I'll keep you posted on that. In the meantime, if you're interested in trying CBD oil, I'd suggest you try it. There are a few companies I'd recommend to you:
https://flowerchildcbd.com/
https://bluebirdbotanicals.com/
https://www.hempworx.com/
https://www.wellspringcbd.com/cbd-capsules/medterra-cbd-gel-capsules/

Pain, pain, go away

Well, it's official. I have a really messed up back. The MRI says so. Almost every single vertebrae has an issue. No wonder I've been having such pain.

Some of the issues are hereditary, like the degenerative disk disease, osteoporosis, and spinal stenosis, but the other things are all mine - herniated disks, bulging disks, etc. etc.

I wasn't expecting the test to reveal as much as it did...2 single spaced typed pages of information. Wow. And that's why I'm going to the pain management clinic at the cancer treatment center as well as seeing the chiropractor. Joy, joy.

I'm nervous about going to the pain management clinic. I don't want to be put on some addictive pain meds but I sure could use a little help with the difficulties in my spine. And since I used to work for chiropractors before, I know how that goes. One adjustment will lead to many others and will help for a period of time but then, after the insurance runs out, we'll be back to square one.

I've been researching inversion tables. The doctor mentioned that it might help so the plan is to get one in the very near future. Hanging upside down by your ankles doesn't sound like a lot of fun - blood rushing to your head and all, but, if it elongates my spine and helps take some pressure off the vertebrae, it will be worth it.

The other issue is that pesky lymph node that doesn't want to shrink down to size. Along my left clavicle, there's a huge lymph node that I didn't even know was there. The oncologist found it at my last visit and did an ultrasound on it. At the time, the radiologist said it wasn't cancer but I was surprised when the cancer treatment center called on Friday and told me they want me to come back in next month for a retest. If the node is still swollen, they want to do a biopsy. I don't want another biopsy. They hurt.

Some days I wonder when cancer will ever leave me alone. In just a few more months, I'll celebrate my 5th cancerversary and while that seems like a minor event, it's major to me! Major!

On a lighter note, I've been focusing on getting my art ready for the exhibit. My work will be on display from April 1 through the end of May. I'm honored the county wants to put it up. I feel so accomplished, lol.

Art therapy has become my self imposed daily outlet. When I'm working on a piece of art, I'm not thinking about how badly my back hurts, about that pesky lymph node, or about the fact that cancer could come sneaking up on me again any day.

My latest projects are polymer clay jewelry with a steam punk influence. They're a lot of fun to do and they're quick and easy.

Free Art Friday is coming up again so I may just slip a couple of my pieces in and around the city for seekers to find. I love doing that. It's so fun to hide in the downtown area and watch as finders pick up my art.

I'm so thankful warmer weather is finally here. It's so nice to see the sun today. We've had so much rain lately.

Wish me luck as I get my back cracked. (Oh how my old chiropractor would hate hearing me say that!)

Love is in the Air

Almost one and a half months have passed since we rang in the New Year and it's hard to believe how fast time is flying! My grandmother always used to say, "The older you get, the faster the years go," and she was right! Since reaching my 61st year, time goes by at lightening speed.

Love is in the air and hearts are everywhere! Valentine's Day will soon be here. Isn't it nice to have a month devoted to the celebration of love? I think so. At least it's not a month devoted to an emotion like anger or hate, that would be bad...really bad. All kidding aside, I love this month - did you get that, I said I LOVE this month, haha. In my humble opinion, love should be celebrated not just on Valentine's Day but every day. Love makes the world go around, or so the song says. But these days, it seems love is hard to find for some. There are so many wrapped up in worldly ambitions and evil desires that love seems to be a think of the past, at least love celebrated in the way God intended it to be but I won't climb up on my soapbox just yet.

Today, I'm not focusing on Valentine's Day, although I should be. Instead, my focus is on cancer, namely my cancer. Speaking of that, today is the day I go for my six month check up. I always get anxious before those visits. It's not easy going to have bloodwork done and waiting for the results. Those results will either determine I'm good for another year or heaven forbid, if the cancer has returned, treatment will start again. I don't even want to think about that.

Walking into the cancer treatment center is always overwhelming. There are so many people there and all in various stages of treatment for some sort of cancer. At times, I feel like I don't belong. I don't look sick any longer. The only way anyone could tell I'd ever had cancer is the fact that I'm missing both breasts and I wear compression sleeves for lymphedema. And to see those things, one would have to look closely, very closely, because I do my best to hide those facts.

I wish there was a way to move completely out of cancerland leaving it behind forever, but that isn't an option when you're dealt the cancer card. It's a lifelong game until you die and yeh, I know that sounded morbid, but it's the truth.

So, today, as I head off to the treatment center, I'll be thinking about love. I'll think about how much I love my husband, my family, and my life. And while I don't being constantly reminded of my bout with cancer, I'll accept it as a part of my "new normal." (I really hate that terminology!)

Cancer the gift that keeps on giving - the high cost of cancer

There's a basket of bills sitting in the corner of my bedroom. I try not to look at it as I enter the room but I know it's there. Its contents spill out onto the floor whenever my husband stuffs another bill into the basket. Usually, when the mail comes, he gets it first so he can filter what I see and what I don't see. Since he's the only one working, he takes care of our financial responsibilities and while I'm thankful for that, I'm not ignorant about our mounting bills.

Cancer is expensive. Even if you've reached maintenance phase, it's costly. There are always tests to be run, blood to be taken, doctors to see. It never ends. Just knowing this will be a continual process for the rest of my life frustrates me and the alternative, death, will be my only way out.

It would be nice to know that cancer could be a once and done kind of thing but that's only wishful thinking. Everyone knows cancer is a long and very involved illness.

I had no idea cancer would be as expensive as it has been. When I was first diagnosed, I was clueless. Maybe I thought naively that our insurance would take care of everything, but it hasn't and it won't. Maybe I thought when I reached a state of remission, the bills would end, but they haven't. And now, since most insurance companies have raised their deductibles, it only gets worse.

Just the other day, I called my oncologist's office to see if it was possible to reschedule an appointment for February 2019 to this month. I explained I'd finally met my deductible and was hoping to get in under this year's insurance. I knew if I could manage to reschedule the appointment I'd only have to pay my 20%. The scheduler shot down those hopes as she "regretted to inform me that the doctor's schedule was completely booked through the end of the year." GREAT...JUST GREAT. So in February, I'd be paying the full fee because my deductible wouldn't be met.

With only one income, it's hard to pay extra expenses. Many times, we do without necessities in order to pay medical bills. We've made arrangements to pay on every single one but sometimes, they get tired of waiting and turn us over to collections. You can't get blood from a turnip, as the old saying goes. We do what we can with what we have and that's all we can do. And don'tcha think that just maybe all the stress that comes from worrying about paying for treatment might eventually contribute to a recurrence of cancer?

Thankfully, we have good insurance but for those without insurance, I'm sure the high cost of cancer is overwhelming. It's not fair, that on top of getting a horrible disease, we also have to pay big bucks for the treatment of it. But, that's what you do if you want to live, right? We have no choice. And maybe, just maybe that's why there's no current cure for cancer. After all, treatment for cancer brings in the big bucks, ya know?!

There is always something to be thankful for...

Whether it's Thanksgiving or just any other day of the week, there's always something to be thankful for. The older I get, the more I realize the importance of gratitude and that's why I've found it helpful to keep a gratitude journal.

At the end of every day, I take a few minutes to jot down things for which I'm grateful. As I begin writing, my list grows quickly. Seeing God's blessings causes me to be humbled at His love for me.

If you've got something to write with and something to write on, you have the items necessary to being keeping track of your gratitude. Begin by making a list of your basic needs that have been met if you don't know where to begin and allow your list to expand from that point forward.

For example, the first thing I'm thankful for each morning is the fact that I woke up. The alternative could be good too, because I know if I didn't wake, I'd be in heaven with Jesus, but for now, I'm thankful I'm still here.

As I begin to start my day, there are so many other things I'm thankful for but I'm not only thankful for things, I'm thankful for people and emotions, and so much more.

When you become intentional about listing your daily gifts and gratitude lists, you'll find your attitude shifting. Instead of focusing on the negative in your life, you'll begin to see things in a new light. It's all about perspective and being grateful helps you become more focused on positivity.

It isn't difficult to give thanks. Try it! At the end of the day, think of 3 things for which you're grateful. Write them down. You may have a small journal or notepad. Put the date on your list. Try to keep it going for 21 days. They say if you do that, it will become a habit. At the end of the month, flip back through your lists and re-read them. You'll realize God has been blessing you all along, even when you've failed to give thanks for those blessings.

Giving thanks makes your heart glad! Try it, you just might like it.

Turkey day is almost here!

Mixing up my famous dressing

Thanksgiving preparations are in full swing here. This year, we won't be hosting the meal but will enjoy being the guests. Even though that's the case, there are still many dishes to prepare. The menu is made and it's time to celebrate! Holidays are nice because they help us remember those things we forget in the middle of the year. It's nice to have a designated day for giving thanks, but the risk is that we isolate those aspects of the celebration to that one day a year instead of living it out all year round. It's easy to gather round the dinner table and declare our gratitude, but what about those gray, wintry days in the bleak of February, or what about the sweltering days of July, or the mundane days of September? Paul writes in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Always. Without ceasing. In all circumstances. So yes, give thanks tomorrow and through the weekend. Tell people how much they matter to you. Make those gratitude lists. But when this weekend ends, don't stop. Keep it going. All year round. Also, before we go and stuff our faces with turkey, can I just say how grateful I am for you? It means a lot to know you take time out of your precious day to pop in and visit for a few minutes. I love reading your messages and connecting with you over how God is moving in your life or how my simple words here have been a breath of hope. It makes what I do worth it. It makes what I do matter, and it reminds me that this whole writing thing and helping people love God's story was never my idea, but an act of obedience and love. So, Happy Thanksgiving!

Time for Thankfulness

It's been a good while since I've written. Honestly, I can't remember the date of my last post without looking it up and that's a good thing. That means I've been busy living my life and although this year has been full of challenges, it's been a good year.

In October, I crossed another item off my bucket list. For over 45 years, I've dreamed of going to Israel and finally, it happened. My husband and I joined a group of other Christians for a 10 day pilgrimage to the Holy Land. It was exciting, exhausting, and very memorable. I could write a book about the things I saw and experienced but for the sake of keeping this post fairly short, I will only touch on a couple of things.

Israel is a crazy, busy place! I never dreamed it would be so full of people, buildings, and traffic. Along with all that, there are, of course, the historical, biblical sites and we visited most of them while there. Every single day of our trip was packed with places to go and things to do. We'd have our 5:00 a.m. wakeup call, get dressed, eat breakfast, and be on the tour bus ready to go by 7:00 a.m. We'd return each day around 6 or 7pm, grab a quick dinner, and fall into bed exhausted.

Speaking of falling, on the second day of our trip, I fell and hard. We were in the City of David and had just completed a tour through some archaeological ruins. I was taking photographs of the city and walking as I maneuvered around others in our group to the perfect shot without bodies in it. As I walked toward an overlook of the city, I completely missed a step and went flying through the air. I landed yards from my original location and managed to fall with all my weight on my right knee. Before being helped up, I noticed how close I was to the edge of the platform. A few more feet and I would have been over the cliff. I took time to offer a prayer of thanks and then felt two strong arms helping me up.

Immediately, upon rising, my knee began to swell and throb. I was almost sure I'd broken my kneecap. My husband helped me find a place to sit and I pulled up my pants to see the damage. Already my knee was turning purple and the swelling was growing. From that point on I knew this was not going to be a good day.

But while in Israel, I did get to ride a camel (another thing to scratch off my bucket list) and I did get to walk on the Gospel Trail, a trail used by Jesus and his disciples to travel from Nazareth to the Sea of Galilee.

The Temple Mount, Dome of the Rock

Getting kissed by my camel friend, Sam

 After several weeks, my knee has finally healed and I've been able to put the walker away. Now I'm focusing on preparations for Thanksgiving and finding myself entering a season of thanksgiving.

This year has been full of things for which to be thankful. My brother survived major heart surgery, our family was blessed with the addition of two little ones, I celebrated my 4th cancerversary, Phil and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary, my youngest grandson, Garrett, celebrated his 1st birthday (which is a miracle since he was born prematurely and had major health challenges), we enjoyed a vacation to Mexico Beach before Hurricane Michael devastated that area, enjoyed our first international trip, and are now planning a mountain retreat.

The year has also been filled with sadness. We lost 2 uncles this year and a cousin had a major stroke. But through it all, God has been good. We are so very grateful for all of His wonderful blessings and especially thankful for sweet memories that will carry us through the end of the year.

Christmas will be hard with both of our sets of parents no longer with us, but we'll celebrate with those able to join us.

I've still been writing for the cancer magazine but will leave that behind at the end of the year and focus on completing my book. I've put it on hold for some time now and feel God prompting me to get busy writing it.

In February, I'll see the oncologist again and hopefully get good news. It's hard to believe 2019 will be the year I finally reach my 5 year mark. When that rolls around, on July 9th, I'm hoping to have a big celebration. That 5 year milestone is an important one. Doctors say that most breast cancer patients who'll have a recurrence usually have it within the first 5 years post diagnosis. I hope to prove them wrong.

And that's where things lie today. Early next week, I'll begin my holiday baking and I can't wait for that. Christmas decorations are already going up and yes, I've been enjoying many Hallmark holiday movies :)

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving filled with God's best blessings. I'll try to post more often but in the event I don't, know that life is good and I'm busy living it. Spread love, Bonnie

Pain, pain, go away!

I haven't written in a while so I'm hesitant to start off this blog post talking about pain, but it's what's most prevalent in my life right now, so please forgive me.

For the past few months, every bone and joint in my body has hurt but lately, the increase in pain has become worrisome...especially now that the pain seems to be concentrated in my spine.

My next visit to the oncologist isn't until February 2019 (I'm on an every 6 months schedule right now) but if it keeps getting worse, I'm going to have to go in. In the meantime, I've been hearing many good things about cancer survivors and the use of medical marijuana.

Since Governor Nathan Deal passed the medical marijuana law for our state, I've been thinking about approaching my oncologist about possibly prescribing it to see if it would help alleviate my pain. From everything I've read about cannabidiol, it doesn't contain the levels of THC that cause the mood altering affects of normal marijuana. In fact, the Georgia law states that any medical marijuana product can't contain more than 5% THC and a person cannot have more than 20 fluid ounces on their possession without suffering the consequences of receiving a felony charge against them.

Most medical marijuana is given to end stage cancer patients but it's also used for those suffering chronic pain, like I do.

I have a very high pain tolerance so when I say I need something to help with the pain, my pain level is off the charts. For a normal person, the one to ten scale offers a place for them to rate their pain but I've been living with pain so long now, it's impossible for me to pick a number that matches my level of discomfort.

Every time I am in extreme pain, I can't help but wonder if the cancer has come back and if it might have settled in my spine. In 2015, doctors found a suspicious spot on my spine at L5 and thought the cancer had returned. It turned out, after more testing, that it was just a hemangioma but it scared the living daylights out of me.

I pray daily and ask God to keep me free from another round of cancer. I don't know if I could take it. This one has been hard enough.

To keep my mind off the constant pain, I've been using art therapy. It helps me shift my focus from the pain and allows me to be creative. It's a self imposed therapy that I've thoroughly enjoyed but I have to temper my time. Usually the best time for painting is early in the mornings when I have the most energy. As the day progresses, my back hurts more and more, and I have to quit working.

My complaints aren't always vocalized. I try to keep them to myself as much as possible for fear of burdening others with my problems, but sometimes, you just need to dump things out and let them go...so that's what I'm doing. Thanks for reading and for the love and support you offer. It means a lot!