Olivia Newton-John |
As I continued reading about her death, I became overcome
with feelings of deep sadness. Ms. Newton-John had been initially diagnosed
with breast cancer in 1992 and had faced a recurrence in 2012 when cancer was
discovered in her shoulder, then in 2014, it had moved into her spine.
She’d spoken openly over the years about breast cancer and
had seemed to stay positive and upbeat. I’d admired her tenacity.
I first fell in love with Olivia Newton-John in the early
70s when she released her song, “I honestly love you.” In fact, I had that song
played at my wedding. It was such a sweet, heartfelt song and completely
conveyed my feelings toward my husband.
When the movie, “Grease,” came out, Olivia became everyone’s
sweetheart. As she sang and acted alongside heartthrob, John Travolta,
audiences were captivated. She was portrayed the all-American girl. I wanted to
be like her.
In 2014, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I scoured
the internet for information and in those searches, Olivia Newton-John kept
popping up. I read everything I could about her and learned about her life pre
and post cancer. As I read about her use of marijuana, because of its CBD
content, I spoke with my doctor about it. If it was good enough for
Newton-John, it was good enough for me. He was on board when I mentioned
wanting to try it and I had a good experience. I even wrote an article
about it hoping to share valuable insight with others.
As more details were announced regarding Ms. Newton-John’s
death, my emotions changed from sadness to fear. If her cancer could return
many years after her initial diagnosis, mine could, too. Standing in the
kitchen, cellphone in hand, I began to weep. My husband came over to hold me
and asked what was wrong. I began to explain about my superstar’s death and
openly shared my fear of recurrence with him. “Don’t worry,” he said, “You’re
going to be okay. You’re an 8-year survivor.” Though I heard the words he was
saying, I didn’t believe them. Yes, I’m an 8-year survivor, but every day I
live afraid.
Some days the fear is more prevalent than others. Most of
the time, I can push it to the back of my mind, but when I experience a sudden
illness, or an odd pain somewhere in my body, I wonder if the cancer has come
back. I don’t want to live that way. Many survivors experience similar
feelings. It’s a type of post cancer PTSD.
As I write this post, something outside the window catches
my eye. It’s a beautiful swallowtail butterfly on the butterfly bush. I can’t
help but focus on it. I love butterflies. As I watch it flit among the flowers,
I notice something – this butterfly has 2 broken wings! There’s a big chunk
taken out of the lower left wing and a piece missing from the top right.
Coincidental? I don’t think so. I think God allowed me to see that specific
butterfly today as a reminder. Butterflies with broken wings, can still fly.
And I can still live without my breasts.
Should cancer recur in the next few days, months, or years,
I’ll do my best to get through it. If that broken butterfly can still fly, then
why shouldn’t I try to thrive, even under difficult circumstances?
Ms. Newton-John was a beautiful soul with a tender heart.
I’m thankful she’s no longer suffering, but I’m also sad she’s no longer with
us.
The song, “Have You Never Been Mellow,” recorded by
Newton-John in 1975, the year I graduated from high school, reminds me life is
precious. It’s worth treasuring and taking time to enjoy. In honor of Olivia
Newton-John, I’m going to take her advice to heart and try to remember to take
one day at a time.
We will miss you, Olivia, but we’ll never forget you.
Have You Never Been Mellow?
There was a time when
I was in a hurry as you are
I was like you
There was a day when I just had to tell my point of view
I was like you
Now I don't mean to make you frown
No, I just want you to slow down
Have you never been
mellow?
Have you never tried to find a comfort from inside you?
Have you never been happy just to hear your song?
Have you never let someone else be strong?
Running around as you
do with your head up in the clouds
I was like you
Never had time to lay back kick your shoes off, close your eyes
I was like you
Now you're not hard
to understand
You need someone to take your hand, hey
Have you never been
mellow?
Have you never tried to find a comfort from inside you?
Have you never been happy just to hear your song?
Have you never let someone else be strong?
Songwriters: John
Clifford Farrar
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