Puzzling over puzzles

 

I hate jigsaw puzzles. I have no patience for them. Opening a puzzle box and seeing a 1000 or more pieces of jagged edge images unnerves me. Even though I can look at the photo on the box of what the completed puzzle is supposed to look like, I don't like seeing the loose pieces.My husband, on the other hand, loves them. He can sit for hours at a time working on finding just the right place for a specific piece. He tries to get me to join him in working puzzles, but I can't. I get frustrated too easily and after a few attempts at slipping a piece into place only to have it not fit drives me crazy. So much so that I want to dump the whole board and send the pieces flying. 

 

I bet you were shocked to read that, weren't you? You thought I was the most patient person in the world, didn't you? Normally, I am, but with puzzles, it's a different story. I want to see the finished piece, not the puzzle in tiny increments. 

 

And that's also true with my life. I like knowing the big picture. I like the certainty of the finished product. I have control issues, I'll admit that. And that's where God's working on me. 

 

This year has already started out with a bunch of messed up puzzle pieces. Some quick decisions have led to some regrets making me feel like a slipped a puzzle piece into the wrong space and have tried to force it to fit. 

 

As I prayed about it this morning, I dumped all my "puzzle pieces" into God's lap. I told him I knew we'd made some unwise decisions that had provided unexpected outcomes. And while I beat myself up over the shoulda, coulda, wouldas, God, in His Sovereignty, sat back quietly and listened. Then, I felt Him speak to my spirit, I work ALL things together for your good. 

 

All things... the screw ups, the quick decisions made without thinking and weighing consequences first, ALL things. 

 

After crying a big ugly cry, I felt Him cuddle me close and reaffirm it was going to be okay.And I know it will be. 

 

He's already moved some big puzzle pieces into place by putting some very godly people into my life. These people have already begun to allow God to use them to minister His love to me. God is and has been moving specific puzzle pieces of my life into place for a very long time. As I learn to trust Him completely in the process, that puzzle, my life's story, is going to wind up being a beautiful picture!

 

It's not easy to walk by faith instead of walking by sight, especially for a visual learner like me, and I think God knows that - He created me, after all! 

 

I hope my honesty has given you some food for thought. 

 

If you're dealing with your own frustrations over the future or even current life events, remember, God is the Great Puzzle Master. He has a good and perfect plan for your life. He will move the puzzle pieces into place at just the right time and they'll always fit perfectly. There will be no forcing!

 

God gives us free will. We can either choose to allow Him to be in control of our "picture" or we can try to put it together ourselves. If we try to slip the pieces together on our own, it may take a lot of time and effort to get them into place and even when we do, we're sure to make a few mistakes along the way. 

 

Perhaps you love puzzles and have no issues sitting for hours working on them like my husband does. Kudos to you! But remember, cardboard puzzle pieces are vastly different from the people, places, and events that make up the puzzle of our lives. Trust God to guide those into place. Every single day and save yourself some trouble. 

 

2025 Note to Self

Dear Bonnie, 

This is the 7th day of the New Year and it's time to take a quick look back before marching forward. 

Do you remember when you had your first brush with death? The year was 1970 and your gallbladder burst. You were only 13. Gangrene was coursing through your body as the surgeon worked quickly to remove that organ. You were in the hospital for over a week and went through an entire year of medical treatment afterward to survive. During that time, you grew to understand what true physical pain felt like for the first time in your life.

In 1990, you had your second brush with death when you were involved in a serious motor vehicle accident. Your right leg was almost severed. After a radical surgery, a week in the hospital and treatment you went home in a wheelchair, physically and emotionally broken. Your marriage had fallen apart, you had 4 young children to raise alone, and you were devastated. You were unable to walk for over a year. The doctors thought they were going to have to amputate your leg due to multiple staph infections and lack of bone growth. But God intervened. When you reached out to the pastor of your little country church and asked the deacons to come anoint you with oil and pray over you, they did. It was the first time they'd ever done that and weren't quite sure how to go about it, but all of you had faith and God used that experience to draw you closer to Himself.

In 2014, you had your third brush with death. You were diagnosed with breast cancer. Quickly, you realized the seriousness of the situation and learned you had to make a lot of tough decisions. But your faith was strong, never did you doubt God had allowed the cancer into your life. You didn't know it then, but learned later He would use it for His glory. 

In the middle of August 2024, you had your fourth brush with death. Right after surgery to repair a hiatal hernia, your bowels shut down. You'd developed an ileus, a life threatening condition. You were rushed to the emergency room, kept overnight, and then transported to Atlanta for a week long hospital stay there as doctors worked hard to get you well enough to go home. 

A month later, you were rushed to the ER with tachycardia. Your blood pressure was sky high and your heart was beating out of rhythm. It was touch and go, but the doctors got you stabilized the following day and sent you home.  Then, the same thing happened again about 6 weeks later!

Over and over again, you've faced various trials but God has allowed you to live. Sometimes you've felt like a cat with 9 lives, wondering when the next event might take you out and this has caused extreme anxiety, but God's always been there. In your heart, you've known God must have a special purpose for not only allowing you to go through these things, but keeping you safe and letting you live through and past them! You have grown to understand His hand of favor is upon you.  

Bonnie, the Bible says our lives are like a vapor, here today and gone tomorrow. God created us for His glory. We have a job to do while we’re here and that’s to spread His love to others.
Every day as you wake, be sure and thank God for allowing you to see another day. Life is a gift, a very, very precious gift. 

As you go through the rest of this year, remember these things. Hide them in your heart and consider them carefully. No one knows what tomorrow holds, but you know WHO holds all your tomorrows. 

Many blessings to you, my sweet self. Keep your eyes toward the Son. He's got you.

One cuppa, that's all it took!

My stars, am I tired! This day has been so busy and to think, it started with one small cup of coffee. 

I don't know what it is, but caffeine gives me so much energy I shouldn't ever drink it. When I do, it's like I'm a 78 record spinning faster and faster on the turntable (yeh, I'm that old!) 

I didn't realize how tired I was until I sat down to post and now that I'm seated, my body is saying, "What the heck is wrong with you???!"
After making breakfast and having that cuppa this morning, I kicked it into overdrive. I mopped the floor, did a load of laundry and dishes, baked 3 loaves of bread, made Valentine's day cards, painted a canvas, took care of some business matters - scheduling doctors' appointments, checking on vacation plans, message some friends, wrote to my prisoners (I'm part of a prison ministry), took some photos, read my Bible and a devotional book, and as soon as I sat down to take a breather, a friend called and kept me on the phone for over an hour. 

When I looked at the clock, I realized my only goal on this cold, winter's day was to rest and read. Did that happen? No! I have so many books in my TBR pile (to be read) that I want to knock out this year and I'm finding that it's more difficult to do leisure reading than just about anything because I just don't sit still long enough to do it. 

Hubby tells me all the time that we're getting old and we can't keep pushing ourselves like I've done today, but ever since I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2014, something inside my brain changed. Every day when I get up it's like I have to use up every minute of the day. Maybe I'm afraid to relax for fear of missing out on doing something I feel I need to do, I don't know. All I know is it's exhausting. 

My word for the year is surrender. (I used an app through Dayspring that helps you find your focus word each year.) When I got that word, I was like, "Really, Lord? Haven't I dealt with this in the past?" But I guess I haven't because everywhere I turn lately, I'm being reminded of the need to be still. Being still has always been hard for me. I don't know why unless I'm an undiagnosed person with ADD or ADHD. In either case, this is something I need to address this year because I've noticed I go pretty hard from 6:00 AM til about 4:00 PM and then I peter out. 

I guess the word surrender was perfect for me. But why is it so hard to do that? Why do I have work at surrendering? 

When I think of the word surrender, I think of old cowboy and indian movies. In those shoot 'em ups, when a group surrendered, they'd raise a white flag to indicate defeat or submission. I guess I'm still in the process of kicking against the goad, as the Bible says. I need help. 

Lord, please help me realize I don't always have to be going or doing. Please help me learn to surrender. Please show me how to do it and slow me down so I can actually find time in the day to enjoy myself. 

My husband has no problem at all sitting and watching something on TV. He never stresses or worries. On the other hand, I'm completely the opposite. I guess that's why God matched us up. My husband helps ground me. He encourages me to take breaks but he never demands it. He sees when I start to grow weary and reminds me it's time to quit whatever I'm doing and just be still, but I rarely listen. I push myself so hard until sometimes I get so stressed out I end the day in tears. 

I've found tears to be a wonderful emotional release. I don't like to cry but sometimes I do, especially when I'm overtired. 

And that's why I write so much. Writing is cathartic for me. It helps me process my emotions and feelings. It also helps me unwind and whether you believe it or not, it helps me relax. 

In my mind, I'm throwing up a white flag right now. I'm physically exhausted and mentally drained. So I'm going to go make myself a cup of tea (decaf!) and get my book. I'll plop down in the recliner and do my best to chill at least for one hour. Setting small goals may help me learn to rest for longer periods of time. 

Speaking of rest, I don't sleep well at night either. My brain never shuts off. That's why I have to take prescription medication to fight insomnia. This has been going on for the past 11 years. It's not something I enjoy admitting, but it's the truth. Oh woe is me...I need to learn to surrender. Indeed I do. 

I did take a few minutes to enjoy watching a flock of Red-winged blackbirds in our backyard earlier. While I stood at the window watching them look for food, I marveled at their quick movements. They were working hard and staying busy, just like me, but they were doing what they were designed to do - feast and fly. I love seeing them each winter, that flash of red on their wings as they fly excites me. I also love how they flock in large groups but as they fly away, I know sooner or later they'll land and rest. They'll do it because God wired them that way. I need to take a lesson from them and do the same. I know I'm not wired to go 90 mph all the time. Staying in the fast lane is tough, no it's ridiculous. If I don't take time to slow down, I'm going to burn out and the burn won't be slow. That scares me.

Sneak attack

 

Today's been one of "those" days, a day when it seemed Satan was on the prowl in our household big time. Any and everything that could go wrong did but we knew why. 

 

Have you ever had one of those days? A day when you purpose in your heart to start the day out right worshiping God and focusing on Him and then WHAM! Out of nowhere a huge trial came your way? I've had it happen many times in the past and that's why, as soon as today's issue began, I could tell it was spiritual warfare. 

 

As believers, it's important for us to know and understand the wiles of the devil. The Bible says he prowls about like a roaring lion. And if you've ever watched National Geographic episodes on nature and have seen some of those African plains, you know lions are cunning. They often lie in wait hidden behind clumps of tall stalks of grass seeking the perfect prey. Normally, in nature, they choose the weak or lame animals- the most vulnerable, and Satan does the same. That's why I think God used that reference for us as a help to understand if we're not ready when the attacks come, we'd best be ready to fall. (But remember, not everything is a spiritual attack, you know, but many things are. That's why discernment is so important. When we understand how the devil operates and when he's liable to launch a sneak attack we can face our foe with strength and might.) 

 

So what do we do when things go haywire? We have to turn to God. The Bible tells us He is our stronghold in times of trouble. We can run to him and take refuge under His wings. That should bring us peace and comfort. 

 

As I was thinking about that today, I remember Psalm 46:10 “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth”. 

 

Why do you think God tells us to be still? I think it's in the stillness we can breathe, rest, and remember Who is in control and that my dear friend isn't us, even though we may like to think we're in control of most aspects of our lives. 

 

I made this little post it note for myself but I'm sharing it here for you, too. As you read it, be sure and start by focusing on Who God is- the Almighty One, Our Creator, The Lover of our souls...and when you get to the bottom of the note, don't pass up the word Selah. That word means pause and calmly think of that. It means to ruminate like a cow chewing its cud. (They have 9 stomachs you know and after they eat, the process it over and over again until it's ready to be digested!) Do that with Psalm 46:10.

Pencils or pens?

 

Pencils or pens? It all depends. If I want temporary, I'll use a pencil. If I'd rather have permanent, I'll use ink. Both writing utensils are wonderful to me because they allow me to express my thoughts anywhere, anytime. Of course, I love computers, too, but there's just something about writing out things by hand.

This morning, I was jotting down my to do list. I usually do that in pencil because I'll often want to add to or change something - you know, it's a woman's prerogative to changer her mind....right? And I do it all the time. But there's one thing that irks me - a dull pencil. I can't stand writing with an unsatisfactory nib.

Normally, I'll use a lead pencil. They're efficient and stay sharp for longer periods of time depending on the lead quality, put those old Ticonderoga pencils need to be sharpened often and I get tired of pulling out my little battery operated sharpener to tighten up the point. 

 

Remember those big, fat black pencils we had in elementary school? You know, the ones without erasers? I hated those. I wanted the ability to erase when I wanted to and I didn't like having to use those rectangular pink erasers we used to have. I still have one of those callouses on my middle finger from writing all these years, although it's not as prominent now as it was then. 

 

Then, we graduated to the thinner number 2 pencils - the yellow ones with the pink erasers attached to the top. I loved those, but again, would get irritated when the point got dull. Thankfully, our teachers allowed us to use those hand crank sharpeners affixed to the classroom wall as long as we raised our hands and asked permission first. They were fun to use. Turning that little knob round and round gave me pleasure but if I wasn't paying much attention, I'd sharpen too much and the point would break causing me to start all over again. 

 

Sharpness. Why do I find it so important with pencils and not so much with life? As I've grown older, my thinker doesn't work as well as it once did. It'd be nice to be able to slip it into a machine and grind it to a fine point and why is it that I can remember things 50 or 60 years back with such ease but not so much yesterday???

 

Iron sharpens iron, the Bible says so. I know it to be true because when my kitchen knives get dull, I pull out a sharpening steel and give the knives a few passes over it and then they're good as new. But what does the Bible mean when it says, "Iron sharpens iron?" Well, the entire verse is found the book of Proverbs 27, verse 17: “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” That means as believers, we can help sharpen each other by holding each other accountable, helping each other in times of need by offering love and encouragement, or reminding each other of important Biblical truths when one of us strays. 

 

Just like a pencil, we can get dull in our walk at times, that's why it's so important to fellowship with other believers - it's kind of like we're human sharpeners for each other. 

 

None of us are able to "stay on point" all the time without a little assistance. We're human. We stray. We don't always remember to lean into God. When we're weak in our faith or in our walk, we need to "rub up against" another believer who may be able to help sharpen us again.

Strange analogy, you may be thinking, but I believe we're like pencils in a lot of ways. We work pretty well for a time and then we begin to lose our edge. That's when we need a sharp blade to shave us into readiness again. 

 

These days we need to be sharp all the time, especially over the next few weeks, so pay attention! If your nib is dull, talk to another believer, ask for prayer. Let them point you to Biblical truths to help get you back on track. And for heaven's sake, don't forget it's okay to forgive yourself for mistakes now and then. Just like the pencil has an eraser, God allows us to mess up, ask for His help to get up, and He cleans it up allowing us to begin again! He never keeps records of our wrongs - remember, the Bible say, in Psalm 103, "For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” But we have to be willing to ask. We can't scrub the paper as hard as we can with our eraser and rub out the screw up, it will just tear a hole in the paper! Only God can take our errors and correct them forever. 

 

"When did you become a rebel?"

"When did you become a rebel," an old friend asked me during lunch a few months ago. I had to laugh and toss my head as I replied, "You know, I really don't remember." She and I had been friends for a very long time and though we rarely got to see one another throughout the year, we did manage to stay in touch through other means. 

After our meal, I went home and began to think about her question. I thought for days and days, never coming up with a definitive answer and then, last night, in the middle of the night, I had it! I knew exactly when I became a rebel. 

I vividly remember the scene in my mind - my cousin and I were in my parent's old home. We had been playing while the adults were visiting. I don't know what we were doing before the rebellious streak in me appeared, but as I dig through my memory bank, a clip from that day is so clear. She and I were on the stairs. Paper doll scissors in hand, I cut her bangs and she cut mine. We cut them way too short and started laughing at our handiwork. We were proud to have done something nice for each other but found it our deed wasn't so nice a few minutes later. 

The next thing I remember was my mother yelling out my first and middle name in a tone that emphasized her displeasure with me. "What in heaven's name have you done?" she asked. Shrugging my little shoulders, I retorted, "I don't know. We were just having fun." My cousin stood quietly by. I don't remember anyone speaking a word to her, but I got royally chewed out and if memory serves me correctly, I got a swift and hard spanking. That was the moment I decided I'd fight back. I didn't say a word to my mother, but I was determined she'd never treat me that way again. 

When I was growing up, my grandmother would often give me pages from the McCall's magazine. The pages held pictures of a paper doll, Betsy McCall. Grandmother thought I'd have fun cutting them out and playing with them, which I did even though the dolls didn't last long since they were flimsy magazine weight paper. I enjoyed cutting around the figures and making sure not to nip the little tabs that held the clothes on Betsy. It was cheap entertainment back in the early 60s. A little later on, manufacturers began to print paper dolls on heavier paper and even made kits that included dolls and clothes to cut out. Inside those little boxed kits were the tiniest pair of scissors, too. The kind I used to cut my cousin's hair! Those scissors weren't super sharp but they were sharp enough to do the job and that's all that mattered. 

Cutting my cousin's hair that day also sparked another desire in my heart, to become a cosmetologist. That day helped me realize how much fun it was to not only cut hair but feel the texture of it and style it. I knew one day, I'd get a job doing something I loved and I eventually did, but I'll get to that a little later. 

As I was growing up, I didn't get to have much say about how my hair looked or the way it was styled. My mother, to save money, cut my hair herself. She'd wet my hair, tape down my bangs with pink hair tape popular back then, and whack it off not realizing when the hair dried, it shrank. I look back now at photos of me when I was younger and shudder. My bangs were about 2 inches or more shorter than they should have been, which made me look ridiculous. 

And then, as I grow a little older, my mother started letting our next door neighbor practice her cosmetology skills on me. I can't tell you how many bad perms I had back them! they were hideous and I hated them. 

When I turned 12, my neighbor and girlfriend, Melinda, let me play with her hair all I wanted. So I learned to wash, curl, and blow dry it. She loved the way I did her hair and had me set her hair on those big plastic pink rollers with bobby pins often. Sitting her under the old timey blow dryer was fun, too. I loved watching the cap on that thing poof up with air. 

At 15, I let my rebellious streak out. I began dying my hair. I tried every color available and sometimes did more than one color in a day. It was wicked fun! It's a wonder my hair didn't fall out from all the processing it went through. 

At 16, I began working in a salon in Decatur called the Hair Pair. I loved going to work each day but the pay wasn't good, so I didn't stay long. I kept thinking I'd go to school and get my cosmetology degree, but never did. That didn't stop me from studying and learning to do hair though. 

I've done hair for so many family members and friends over the years and still do to this day. Just last weekend I cut my son in law's hair and my husband's and trimmed up their mustaches and beards. I just enjoy doing it so much. 

I'm kind of glad I got chewed out when I was 5 for cutting off my cousins bangs. If that hadn't happened, who knows where I'd be today! I think all of us have a little rebelliousness in us. No one likes to be told no, do they? I know I sure don't. If you tell me I can't do something, by golly, I'm going to prove to you that I can and I will. I'm proud to be a rebel and hope I'll be one til the day I die.

First Day of the New Year

 

2025! Oh my gosh! I never dreamed I'd live to see this day. I grew up in the age of black and white TV with aluminum foil on the rabbit ear antenna so we could get good reception and look at us now - everything is digital! Boy things have changed. I could take an entire day to jot down things that have changed since I was born, but I won't. Let's just say there have been some really amazing and really scary changes over the years.

When I woke up this morning, I didn't feel any different than I do most mornings but I did pull out a new calendar and fill in important dates. It's a thing I do each year, I'm a long range planner. And yes, I do it the old way - I like to feel and see a paper calendar in my hands. Oh sure, I also stick those same dates into my cell phone for quick reference, but I prefer having a written record in front of my face, partially because my eyes aren't so good anymore and partially because I hate being tied to my phone all the time. 

Have you noticed, over the past few years, our phones seem to control us instead of us controlling them? I sure have. 

When I was growing up, we had a rotary phone in the kitchen on the wall by the back door. The cord was long and stretched out because when we'd get a call, the receiver would walk around as they talked, but we could only go so far. Being tethered wasn't fun, especially if you needed privacy. And I used to hate having to dial the numbers and wait for the dial to go all the way back around before I could enter the next one. Numbers with lots of zeros seemed to take forever, unless that was the only number you needed to dial and that was for reaching the operator. 

We also had a desk type phone, a black rotary phone, upstairs in a little built in nook at the top of our stairs. That phone didn't have a long cord, so we had to stand close by when talking on it. I remember, when I was much younger, that we even had a party line. If you wanted to make a phone call, you had to first lift the receiver to see if anyone was already using the line. If they were, you had to click and ask to interrupt. Sometimes the other person would be gracious and agree to end their conversation, but often, they would not and we'd have to wait to try again. Aren't you glad we don't have to do that now? But sometimes, when our cell service is down or we're in a limited reception area, it can feel the same way - frustrating! 

And another thing I don't really like about where we are today is the fact that people don't talk to each other as much as they once did. Not only did people meet and talk face to face (even if over the fence or over the clothesline), we talked. When weather didn't permit, we called on our rotary phones. Nowadays, people don't use their cell phones that way much. It's easier to shoot off a quick text or make appointments online. Yes, technology is good but also impersonal when it comes to things like cell phones. 

Now back to my calendar. 

As I look over the one I bought for this year, I'm surprised to find I don't have many medical appointments on it! What a blessing! For the past 11 years, I've been running from one doctor to the next for one thing after another. 2025 looks promising if I can keep my health in check and that's one of my resolutions for this year - to move more, to relax more, to travel more, to eat healthier, and to spend more intense time in the Word. I hate to admit it, but I've become lax in some of those areas this past year. So, as many do on the first day of the New Year, I'm going to consider this a fresh start, a clean slate, and do what I can to make my life better. 

One major thing I'm going to implement into my daily routine, and yes, I've already popped it on my calendar, is to make time to focus more on gratitude. It might not seem important to some, but for me, it's huge. 

I have a big Mason jar on my kitchen counter. Each year, I cut strips of paper and keep nearby so I can write down special God kisses each day. I always start with good intentions and then somehow, I get busy and before I know it, I've skipped a few days, then weeks, and even months. But this year, I won't! That tiny goal is one of my most important ones. Do you want to know why? Because, I've found, especially after living life post cancer, that those special things/people/events God sends my way matter and I need to pay particular attention to the favor He garners over me. 

On New Year's Eve, I'll dump out my jar and re-read all the things I've written. They'll remind me of what happened through the year, but more importantly, they'll help me remember God's goodness and faithfulness to me. 

I have a cousin who writes the most amazing newsletter at the end of each year. I don't know how he manages to do it unless he keeps strict notes throughout the year, but he does. I can barely remember what happened yesterday anymore. But when I jot down a quick note on my slip of paper, fold it, and place it in my jar, I don't have to think about it anymore - until the end of the year. It's a cheap and easy way to keep up and I like it. 

In an effort to make my own end of the year newsletter to send family and friends, I've found  making notes on my paper calendar helpful, too. When we go on a trip, I'll make little notes like -"We saw a Bald Eagle as we were on our way to Florida," or " We visited the Bigfoot Museum while in the mountains." Those little memory keepers help me compile something worthwhile. Of course, I don't share everything I write, only the most important events, but you get the idea. 

This New Year is filled with possibilities, expectations, hopes, and dreams. I hope you'll look forward to each day with anticipation. I'm going to do my best to do so. And thank you for continuing on this journey with me. There have been many days I've considered shutting down my blog, but in some small way, I hope it helps someone. That's my intent anyway.

Deception is rampant

 

TV is cheap entertainment, especially when you're retired. Though we don't pay for any cable subscriptions, we do stream and often find good things to watch for free. We like free! 

 

Yesterday was a dreary day, one of those early winter days when your body doesn't get much sunlight and it messes with your brain. That's one of the things I dislike most about winter - my body needs sunshine to produce a good level of melatonin. Melatonin helps your body know when to sleep and when to wake. These gray-brown days make me want to hibernate, but instead of doing that I just try to take it easy resting or catch up on reading. But sometimes, I don't feel like reading so I turn on the tube.

We have a lot of shows we enjoy but occasionally, I like to watch something that doesn't require brain power. On those occasions, I usually choose to watch something entertaining but creative, so I began looking for something in that category and came upon one of our old favs - Project Runway. We used to watch it all the time but over the years have found it becoming distressing. (If you've never seen it, it's a show where a group of creative designers are given challenges to make something runway worthy. They're given a specific amount of time, a concept, and a dollar amount. Then their work is judged as one by one of the designers are booted out. Eventually, a winner is declared.) It's always interesting to see what each designer comes up with and since I've always loved the arts, creativity, and sewing, I figured why not check it out again. 

 

Whoa...

 

The most recent season of the show available for us to stream was shocking. Not only have the designers changed, but also their concepts. 

 

We only watched one of the newest shows before turning it off. Why, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. It was disgusting. I couldn't believe the number of designers that had no idea who they were. There were guys dressed in skirts with polished nails. It was evident they worked hard at portraying femininity even though they were clearly men. The women weren't as blatant with their outward appearance, although a couple of them did appear to lean toward more masculine versions of themselves. It broke my heart to see these late 20-mid 30 people in such a confused, deceived state. Not only did they act proud of their persona, they flaunted it. 

 

One of the guys, who was clearly gay, sat with his legs crossed and would bring his hand up to his mouth while shaking his head slightly to toss his hair as if he were a distressed female. All I could think was you poor, pitiful thing. When did you forget who you were? What happened in your life to cause you to think you needed to be someone God didn't intend you to be? Do you even know God????

And that's when I realized this is the generation that's prevalent in our time - the deceived, the confused, the unsure. 

 

We've all heard the gender identity issues many in our society have accepted- children that think they're cats or dogs, boys who feel more comfortable dressing and acting like girls and vice versa. Satan has surely pulled the wool over the eyes of so many and instead of standing for truth, people just shake their heads and think c'est la vie (such is life.)! But not me, buddy! 

 

That's why I think it's so important that believers not only learn to love these confused guys and girls, but we also help point them to the truth. And that makes me wonder how many of us (believers) know who we truly are?

 

Our identity, as believers in Christ, is and should always be strong! The Bible gives us Scripture after Scripture that tells us who we are in Him. Look at these verses below and commit them to memory, and if you ever have a chance to encounter one of the deceived, don't be so harsh - remember they're not thinking straight. They need help but much more than that, they need God. 

 

We won't be watching any more Project Runway shows but I'm glad we were able to see the depth of the deception this generation faces. And that brings up one more thing (and I'm sorry this post is so long and so very opinionated, but it is what it is...) as believers, we need to be extremely careful of what we watch on TV or in movies. There's so much filth. Remember that little song from Sunday School - "Oh be careful little eyes what you see???" To keep that nasty stuff out of our minds, we have to guard it. Just think about putting an imaginary steel door at the forefront of your brain. See the steel rivets, the big metal bar across it, the huge lock...you get the picture, and only you hold the access to open it and before you do, you're going to shoot up a prayer to God asking whether or not you should, that's called discernment.)

Thanks for taking time to read today. I hope something I said ignites your soul with not only sadness but a desire to love the deceived a little harder. They need it so. And yes, you have to do it gently. You can't condemn. The Bible says judge not lest ye be judged...that's not what I'm trying to do here, although it probably seems that way. My goal is just to bring awareness. 

 

Do you know WHO you are? This is what the Bible says about you: 

 

John 1:12: "I am a child of God" 

 

Romans 8:16: "I am a child of God: I was chosen in Him before the foundation of the world, that I would be holy and blameless before Him" 

 

Ephesians 2:10: "God gifted you to fulfill His purpose" 

 

1 Corinthians 6:19-20: "Our physical bodies are no longer ours when we give our lives to Christ" 

 

Colossians 3:3: "The ultimate surrender and integration of our identity into Christ" 

 

Galatians 4:7: "You are free" 

 

2 Corinthians 5:17: "You are a new person" 

 

Philippians 3:20: "You are a citizen of Heaven" 

 

1 Peter 1:5: "You are protected by God" 

 

Isaiah 43:4: "You are precious to God" 

 

Galatians 3:13: "You are rescued" 

 

John 15:15: "I don't call you servants any longer. . . . I call you friends" 

 

"But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. ² People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, ³ without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, ⁴ treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— ⁵ having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.⁶ They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over gullible women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, ⁷ always learning but never able to come to a knowledge of the truth." 2 Timothy 3:1-7

 

Everyday Devotionals Bonnie Annis

Hope for the New Year

This morning, over coffee, I was perusing the internet and made a point of checking my various email accounts. In one of them, I found an interesting notice - our local Big Lots is going out of business. Mentioning it to hubby, we decided to take a jaunt over and see if there were any good sales.

We got to the store and were shocked to find the shelves almost bare! Good heavens, word travels fast, but I guess these days, everyone's trying to stretch their dollars and a good deal is hard to find.

Up and down the aisles I went, looking for everyday items like cleaning supplies...I know, most people would be buying Christmas stuff for the upcoming year and while they did have a good selection of those things, I wasn't interested. I grabbed some fabric softener and Swiffer pads for my power mop then headed for the stationary section. I only had one goal in mind really, and that was to buy a new wall calendar. I always get mine prepared with all the important family dates and medical appointments before January 1 but it's hard to find ones with big squares. Luckily, they had a few and after digging, I found the perfect one.

Heading to the register, we fell in line with about 10 other shoppers, made our purchases and headed home.

After lunch, I spread out my new calendar on the kitchen table, pulled out my colored Sharpie markers and got to work. (Yes, I color code my stuff - red for doctors, purple for birthdays, blue for anniversaries, and green for vacations.)

When I was done, I flipped through the pages thinking I'd done something productive for the day (even though I had intended to read all day, I couldn't keep my typical type A self in check for hours on end.) And that's when it hit me, another new year will be upon us soon.

I had to pause and ask myself what goals I had for the upcoming year. I usually try to set a few but hadn't thought of a single one thus far.

To me, the new year has always seemed like a clean slate. When I picture it in my mind, I actually see it as one of those old hand held slate chalk boards with the thick jute string on it and tale tell traces of leftover chalk dust from a quick swipe that didn't get the board entirely clean. So I tried to pull out a piece of mental chalk and jot down a few things of importance:

1. This new year I want to be more diligent about keeping a gratitude journal. Even if I only write down one or two things a day, I think I need to focus on God's goodness more intentionally.

2. I also want to spend more one on one time with family and friends, and I don't mean on the phone. I mean face to face. Life is so short and I want those personal connections to be strong.

3. I want to quell negativity in my life and seek joy daily. It's so easy to find the things that bug us, but what about shifting to focus on the little happy moments? The grayish brown doldrums of January and February make it challenging, but I think if I try hard, I can find some rays of sunshine somewhere.

4. I'd like to travel to both familiar and unfamiliar places and while doing so, document those trips by honing my photography skills more. I've always loved photograph but have become lax lately. My "big" cameras sit in the bottom of my office closet most days but my cell phone is always with me. I want to get back to using the skills I learned from New York Institute of Photography more. I need to do that. God has given me 2 good eyes to see with but He also gave me a love of creativity and photography is one of my favorite ways to incorporate the things I see and experience with artistic license.

I think I can handle those 4 goals and I'm happy I finally took time to write them down. Of course, I'll continue working on some children's books I've let slide by the wayside for a while and get those published for my grands and who knows, I may write another memoir.

What will you do in the new year? Is there a new skill you'd like to learn? Something on your bucket list you want to cross off? Start thinking! I'm sure you can come up with something.

No one knows what the future holds but as the new year draws near, I feel a stirring of hope in my heart - hope for new experiences, new friendships, new adventures, and of course, a closer walk with the Lord. (Did you notice I saved the best for last?!)

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

It's almost Christmas

Baking cookies

It's almost Christmas, can you believe it? I can't! I don't know how this year has passed so quickly. It seems the older I get the faster the days, months, and years go by. Do you feel it, too? Why is that? Maybe it's because the older we get the more we realize there are fewer days ahead of us than behind us. 

My decorations are up, the presents are wrapped, and I have nothing left to do other than prepare the meal for our family on Christmas day. Thankfully, this year, the kids will help by bringing side dishes. It's tough when it all falls on me and I'm finally realizing it's smart to delegate and accept help when you need it. I've always struggled with that. 

Today I was thinking about all the people who aren't with us this year and who won't be with us on Christmas. It's so sad my parents, my brother, and my in laws are no longer with us. Christmas won't be the same without them. And I won't get to have all my children and grandchildren with me either, but I'm trying not to dwell on the negative. I'm thankful I'll get to have 2 of my 4 children here and 1 of my 9 grandchildren with me. Without any of them, it would be a very somber day. 

 And then I think of dear friends who've lost loved ones this year. In particular I'm thinking about 2 who've lost their spouses recently. I can't imagine what they'll go through this year without the love of their lives. I pray God will give them the strength to get through the day and that they'll be surrounded by other family members or friends who will love on them throughout the day. 

My parents, no longer with us

There's so much build up to Christmas each year. All the commercialism contributes greatly to it. People spend so much time, energy, and money to do the best they can to have a nice holiday often to the point of it becoming stressful. It's like a great crescendo of expectation and then, as the day winds down and they get ready to face the day after Christmas, a feeling of overwhelming despair hits them. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we always need something to look forward to? 

I know several people who live from event to event. I don't know how they do it. What I'm finding, as I slide closer to 70, is that just making it from one day to the next is enough to celebrate. 

My sweet friend, Jack

And social media really contributes to a lot of holiday depression, don't you agree? Seeing everyone's "perfect" gatherings, happy families, and posts about how wonderful their lives are present a standard not many can live up to. Sometimes I get so tired of it. I've taken month long Facebook fasts to remove my self from the fakeness many times but as the year draws to a close, I may delete my account entirely. I don't really want to do it because that is one way I can keep up with distant family members and old highschool friends, but gee whiz...is it worth it? 

I'm thankful I have a place to vent now and then. At least I can do that and spewing venom helps me stay sane. 

I'm sure we'll have a wonderful day this Christmas, we normally do and the kids always bring such a marvelous energy with them when they come. I love that. 

Tomorrow evening, our church will host a candlelight Christmas Eve service, I'm sure that will help push these early feelings of despair away, gathering for corporate worship always helps put the silver lining back in my cloudy sky.

So come on and ring those bells, light the Christmas tree, Jesus is the King...born for you and me. And if you're struggling a little bit, like I am this year, give yourself grace. Christmas isn't just a day, it's a heart felt sentiment that should carry us throughout the year, especially if you're a believer in Jesus Christ! 

Have a Happy Christmas!

A precious childhood memory

Christmas memories are often either some of the very best or the very worst memories a person can have. I'm thankful I can say that most of my Christmas memories have been extremely pleasant and most of them have revolved around selfless love given to me by others. I'd like to share one of my childhood memories with you today in hopes that it might encourage or bless you during this emotionally charged time of year. 

I don't remember exactly how old I was the year I received my most prized possession but I must have been between the ages of 8 and 10. That Christmas, like most others in my childhood, centered around just being together instead of focusing on what was underneath the tree. 

I distinctly remember turning in a Christmas list to my mother earlier in the month. I'd talked with my next door neighbor (who was a little older than I) to find out what the most popular gifts were at the time. I'd asked her what she was going to ask "Santa" for and she showed me pictures from the Sears catalog of all the beautiful Barbie dolls and accessories she'd added to her list. I took home that empowering information and rewrote my list knowing all the while that my parents could never afford such luxuries. Although I would have loved to have found a Barbie dream house, Barbie, Midge, Ken, and Skipper under my tree, I knew I'd be lucky to receive one doll, if any. 

On Christmas morning, as my brother, sister, and I, sat patiently on our living room floor waiting for the signal to begin, I glanced at the packages beneath our tree. There were less than a dozen which meant there were probably only two or three a piece for each of us. This was nothing new. Each year, we were very thankful for whatever we received, but as a child, it was only natural to hope that year after year, things would get bigger and better. 

When Daddy came downstairs, Mama gave permission for us to begin opening our gifts. As we scrambled to find the gifts with our names on them, our parents sat back and watched with anticipation. Great thought and time had gone into the choosing and even though money was scarce, there was no shortage of love in our household. 

My brother, sister, and I were busy opening our gifts simultaneously. I have no idea what they received that year but I do remember my special gift. The box was bigger than a shoebox and I had no idea what might be inside. It was too small to be a Barbie Dream House and too big to be a Barbie doll. I hadn't asked for anything that was even remotely that size, but as I continued unwrapping the box, the mystery was revealed. 

Through a clear cellophane window on the front of the box, I saw a beautiful Italian doll. Her velveteen bonnet and dress were a deep burgundy in color. Her hair, perfectly coifed, was coiled into individual blonde ringlets framing her angelic face. 

I stared in awe as I beheld this wondrous gift. I felt so loved! Where on earth did my mother find it? I'd never seen anything so gorgeous in any of the stores we'd visited before Christmas. 

Carefully, I removed the wire ties that held the doll securely in the box. After she was free, I held her close and examined every inch of her loveliness. Glancing up from the doll, I looked into my mother's face. Tears of joy stained her cheeks. 

I didn't realize it at the time, but the purchase of that doll was a huge sacrifice. Surely she had cost more than any other gift under the tree and had been picked out just for me. 

For years, I cherished that doll only holding her once or twice a day for fear of soiling her loveliness. She was the most special material possession I owned. 

I don't know whatever happened to that doll. More than likely, as I grew older, she was given to a needy child in the neighborhood or donated to a charity but the memories of her will be with me forever. 

Last night, as I was perusing Ebay, I saw a photo of a doll very similar to the one I loved so dearly. It sparked all these memories and made me realize how very loved and cherished I was to my parents back then. It also made me realize how very much we take for granted in our lives. 

If I could have a "do-over," I'd make sure to let my parents know how very much I appreciate them not buying me a Barbie Dream House that year. Their gift was so much better because it was chosen with love. 

We don't always realize our blessings until they're gone. And while a Christmas doll seems so trivial, it's symbolic of a greater gift. Just as our parents want to give us their very best blessings and take joy in giving us our hearts' desires, so our Heavenly Father wants to shower us with His abundant blessings. 

This Christmas, don't focus on the "things" that make the day merry and bright. Instead, focus on the hearts and love around you. Most of all, remember the most beautiful, priceless gift of all...the sweet gift of God's one and only Son, Jesus, handpicked especially for you.

©️ Bonnie Annis