The Curse of Klutziness

My ice therapy machine

 

 

Well, the surgery went well and I was so thankful I don't remember anything about it other than getting in the car to drive home. The walker helped me get around the house that first day and all was good until that night. I got up in the wee hours of the morning to use the bathroom. One  minute I was up and the other I was down. I'd fallen smack dab on the knee they'd just repaired. I was in so much pain and couldn't manage to get up. My sweet hubby finally heard me moaning and came over to help.  

In the morning, as soon as I knew the offices would be open, I called to make an appointment with my surgeon. I wanted to have my knee checked out to make sure I hadn't ruined everything he'd done. When I got to the office, I waited about 15 minutes before being called back. As the nurse led me to the room, we passed my doc in the hall. He made the naughty sign to me and smiled. 

 

When he came into the room, he examined me and then sent me to have some xrays done. Getting up on the xray table was challenging, but I managed. They did 3 xrays and when the doc got them and reviewed them, he assured me everything was still in place and there was no damage from the fall other than bruising and swelling. I was sent home with instructions to keep icing and elevating my knee, to wear my compression hose, and take the meds he prescribed for me. 

So now I have a really fat leg that I can barely move and one normal leg. Hopefully the swelling will go down and make mobility easier. I need to be able to get around. We shall see. 

 

Tomorrow is the day

 

Well, tomorrow is the big day. I'm definitely not looking forward to it but it's necessary so I'm going through it. I'm just praying I don't have problems with infection or blood clots. 

I'm surprised at how many of my friends have been through joint replacement this year. Most of them are knee, but several are hip. I guess we're all growing old and our parts are wearing out. 

You never used to hear about these types of surgeries but now, they're commonplace. And if you think about it, it seems like there's an "operation of the year" every single year. I wonder why that is? Do doctors push certain procedures for monetary gain? I sure hope not, but I know many doctors prescribe specific medications because they get kickbacks from drug companies. It's not right, especially when we trust our doctors to give us the best health care they can give. 

I'm thankful for medical advancements that provide artificial joints for those who need them. If we didn't have these metal and plastic parts, we'd have to suffer with degeneration of joints until we pass away. 

No one likes dealing with pain, especially when it hinders your day to day function. I love walking and not being able to do it without pain has been extremely challenging. Hopefully, after physical therapy, I'll be able to resume my love of hiking. I'm going to do my best to reach that goal no matter how long it takes.  

 

Staying busy to keep my mind off things

My surgery date is fast approaching and I've been pretty nervous about it. I made the mistake of watching a YouTube video on the procedure and basically, they slice your leg open just above and below the knee, take an electric saw and level off your bones, then take a drill and make a hole to receive the knee implant, hammer it in and then stitch you back up. It sounds extremely painful and I'm sure it will be, otherwise, they wouldn't prescribe Oxycodone as a pain reliever. 

To take my mind off of what's coming, I've been busy around the house finding one project then the other. A few days ago, my husband and I went to a local cemetery. (We walk there daily because it's quiet and safe.) On our last walk, we noticed a large pear tree. It was full of pears. Some had already fallen on the ground and birds had been eating them. I told him it was such a waste for all of the pears to go unused. I asked if he thought anyone would mind if we picked some and he said, "Surely not." So we did. 

When we got home, I counted the number of pears in our stash - there were 40, too many to eat before they ruined so I knew I'd have to do something with the others. That's when I decided to make some pear relish. 

I spent all day washing the pears, peeling them, and cutting them up. They I had to cut the peppers and onions. After doing that, I sterilized the jars and got those ready then mixed up the rest of my recipe - the pears, onions, peppers, pickling spices, vinegar, sugar, etc., and put it on the stove to cook. When the mixture was done, I began to ladle it into jars. 

With the jars packed, lids in place, and rings finger tightened, I lowered them into my large stockpot full of boiling water. I'd had to come up with a "makeshift" canner since I gave my old one away years ago. The rack in the bottom of the stockpot was too small so I had to work at balancing the jars. I managed to get 7 in at a time. Each batch of jars had to process for 20 minutes. I had 24 jars to do so it took some time. 

When all the jars were done and I had them on the counter to set and seal, I realized my back was really hurting. Part of it was from Osteopenia (inherited from my mother), part was from standing all day, and part of it was from my jacked up knee. I asked my husband if he'd mind adjusting me. (Working for a chiropractor many years ago had given me knowledge and practical experience on spinal adjustments so I'd taught him how to do it on me.) Gladly he agreed to perform the adjustment. 

Pulling out our large bottle of DoTerra's Deep Blue, he slathered it on my back as I lay across the bed. His strong hands were quick to find the subluxations. I was out in 3 places and when he popped them back in, I felt much better, though still exhausted. 

We decided to watch a documentary on TV and relax while eating dinner. That's when I realized, I'm getting to old for this stuff. 

I used to can all sorts of things with no pain or discomfort, but now that I'm much older, it's a chore to do something like that all day long. 

Canning definitely took my mind of the surgery, but ended up making my back hurt! As we sat and watched the show, I enjoyed a heating pad against my spine.  

I hope the people I gift the relish to will enjoy it. I'm sure they won't have a clue how much time and energy went into it, and that's okay. Every time I open a jar, I'll remember why I decided to make it in the first place - to take my mind off of the extreme pain I was about to experience, but hopefully, I'll heal quickly and be able to do things I haven't been able to enjoy in some time. 

It's important to always look for the positive in the negative. This is a lesson God's had me learning since the first of the year. If we always dwell on the negatives, we'll go deeper and deeper into a pit that eventually will lead to a pity party. I don't want to be that person. I'd rather shift my focus and think about the good things that will come from the surgery, so I've made a list: 

1. I'll be able to walk without constant swelling and pain. 

2. I'll be able to do more hiking - something I enjoy immensely. 

3. I'll be able to walk the cruise ship more easily in December than I did in January. 

4. I won't have to constantly wear an offloading knee brace to do normal, everyday tasks. 

Yes, it will take some time, a lot of physical therapy, and a lot of willpower, but I can do it! I have many friends and family members already praying for me and that's going to make all the difference. 

That old saying, "No pain, no gain," keeps sticking in my head, but even more so, the verse of Scripture found in Philippians 4:13 - "I can do all things through Christ Who gives me strength." He's going to be a whole lot more reliable than any brace, walker, crutch, or cane could ever be. And that gives me the confidence to move forward.   

F.E.A.R.

A long time ago I learned an acronym for the word fear: 

F - FALSE

E - EVIDENCE

A - APPEARING 

R - REAL

I'd forgotten it until last night. As I was thinking about my upcoming surgery, I was getting more wigged out. I was playing every possible scenario of how the surgery might go in my head and none of them were good. 

I don't know why my brain defaulted to negative thoughts, but it did. I guess the bottom line was, I was scared. And the fear I felt was exactly what the acronym represented - a fear of the unknown. 

I've heard several people say getting a knee replacement was one of the best decisions they ever made and there have been others who've had extreme complications for serious infections to blood clots. With my health history, I've dealt with unexpected side effects and they're never pleasant. Now that I'm older, a surgical complication would be more difficult to recover from but I'm going to hope for the best. 

False evidence appearing real - fear is powerful, but only if we let it be. 

I prayed about it and asked God to help me overcome the fear, to trust Him to guide the doctor's hands, and to protect me from any complications. My hope is that I'll get through surgery unscathed and then get physical therapy walking better than I am now. 

There's another acronym I learned:

F - FORSAKING 

A - ALL

I - I

T - TRUST

H- HIM

I like that one better.  

Joint school

Well, today was interesting! As a requirement of the hospital that's performing my knee replacement surgery, I had to attend a virtual joint school. It was an hour and a half presentation that went over what to do before and after surgery. I'm not a huge fan of internet classes, but I was thankful I didn't have to turn on my webcam to attend. It was funny to watch the faces of the participants that chose to turn theirs on, though. Some of them looked so bored and others looked like they were extremely serious. I fell into the middle thinking I could read the Powerpoint slides myself. 

The nurse that hosted the class wasn't very good. She had a deadpan voice and I'm sure the whole thing was rote to her. It would have been nice to have had someone with a little more positivity, but hey, I guess they get tired of doing the classes so frequently. 

I was surprised at the number of people in the class today. There were 18. If that's average, and they do a class every day of the month for this area, that's a lot of people needing hips and knees replaced. 

I'm so nervous about the surgery! I don't want to have it done at all but it's gotten to the point I'm unable to walk well without a brace. And since I've already had 2 surgeries on this knee, a replacement was my only option according to my orthopedist. 

Getting old is not fun. It seems every day is filled with more aches and pains but, we have to be thankful for the medical advancements that help keep us going, don't we? 

While I was taking the online joint class, my husband was sitting beside me watching, too. All of a sudden he turned to me and said, "You sure are beautiful." Oh my gosh! My heart melted. After almost 32 years, he's still enamored with me. He has no idea how much I needed to hear that today. My body is so broken from past surgeries and medical procedures and it's about to get even uglier, but he still loves me. I am so blessed! 

Hopefully surgery will go well and I won't have any complications. I'm supposed to have physical therapy 2 times a week for 6 weeks. I'd better be up and "running" by October because I've got a trip to the mountains planned then and then later in the year, I have cruise. I'll be doing everything I can to have a quick recovery. 

As soon as I wrote that last sentence, a song from the old TV show my kids used to watch popped into my head - "Bend and stretch, reach for the stars, there goes Jupiter, there goes Mars. Bend and stretch, reach for the sky - stand on tippy toes, oh so high!" (Romper Room way back in the day!) I guess I'm mentally preparing for lots of pain ahead.  

Where's my joy?

This morning, I stood at my bathroom mirror inspecting my reflection. A woman I barely recognized looked back with empty eyes. “Who are you?” I asked. There was no response. That's when a few random thoughts popped into my head - "Where's your joy? When was the last time you were truly happy? When did you last laugh?"Hmmm...I had no answers. Something was wrong. Was I depressed? Possibly. I thought I was just fine. I sure looked just “fine.” Everyone said so. But was I really? The more I thought about it, the less sure I was. 

I've always tried to be happy. I've done my best to keep a positive outlook on life, but when feelings creep in, they have a way of stealing joy. When things we can't control happen, it's easy to get discouraged, to feel a little down, and to let the joy slip into sadness.  

People always say you have to move past the things you can't control. They tell you to just let it go and move on, but that's not an easy thing to do, especially when those you love are involved and are part of the problem.  

Growing old is difficult. It's easy to feel insignificant and unnecessary when the kids are grown and don't have time for you. Of course, as parents, we realize they won't be around forever. They grow up and have lives of their own, but what about us? What about trying to keep your parents in the loop? What about making them feel loved and wanted, like they're important and they matter? 

I was always taught to love, honor, and respect my elders. I taught my children the same virtues and for a while, they did pretty well with them, but over the years, they've started to slip. Maybe it's the culture. I don't want to make excuses for them. It hurts my heart that they don't see the longing in our eyes when they make the occasional visit. We want more time with them. We need more time with them. We crave it, but we don't want to come flat out and tell them...but, boy how we wish they'd get it. 

One day they'll be old and they'll find themselves in the same boat. They'll wait for the day a call comes and the person on the other end of the line says, "Hi, Mom! I was thinking about coming by for a visit today. Are you up for it? " And before the conversation ends, a huge smile spreads across their face with anticipation. Their heart wells with joy at the thought of seeing flesh of their flesh, being enveloped in love, and being allowed the gift of time together.  Then, maybe, they'll understand the loneliness, the longing, the loss of joy that comes when parents age and children do, too. 

The monster under the bed

When I was a young child, I was afraid of the dark. As daylight dimmed and I knew bedtime was approaching, I'd begin to get nervous. I'd beg my mother to let me leave the closet light on so my room wouldn't be completely dark. She'd chide me and tell me I wasn't a baby, but after a few terror filled nights, she realized I was deathly afraid of the dark and allowed me to leave the light on in the closet as long as I only cracked the door. That gave me some comfort, but I always had to check under the bed before I climbed in and even though I shared a room with my sister, I was terrified that something would reach out and grab my ankle in the middle of the night. Sometimes, I feel like cancer is the monster under my bed now. Though I know, in my heart, it's not there, it sure feels like it might pop out and take hold of me again.

Yesterday, I went to the cancer treatment center for a bone scan. My oncologist ordered it to make sure all was well. It's been almost 11 years since I was diagnosed, but I still return for periodic tests. I'm thankful my doctor is keeping a watchful eye on me. Walking into the center after a year, I felt nervous. Though I wasn't there for treatment this time, the memories of all I'd been through over the years haunted me. The sights, the sounds, the smells of sickness were everywhere. 

Living in fear is definitely not fun. You'd think, after all these years of being cancer free I could accept the fact that I'm out of danger, but that's not the case. I know there could be a rogue cancer cell roaming through my body and one day, it could start growing. Next time, I might not be blessed to find it as early as I did the first one. I hope I never have to find out, but I may have to face that fear head on in the future. 

It'd be great if surgery to remove cancer could completely eradicate it. It'd be even better if there was some sort of internal scanner that could prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was completely gone. PET scans, MRIs, CT scans and other tests do help, but I'm talking about a kind of internal high beam flashlight that is trained to look specifically for those deadly, wicked cells. 

Not long ago, I needed blood work. The technician had a hard time finding my veins because they're so tiny and she was limited to using only one arm due to my lymphedema. She tried several times and after missing again and again, went to get a lighted ultrasound scanner. Within seconds she'd found a vein and the needle was in. If we had a cancer cell finder like that, it'd be great but it would have to penetrate deep through tissues and muscles. I'd like it if it could work from the inside out, almost like radioactive dye works when having a thyroid scan. 

I imagine many have felt the overwhelming fear of a cancer recurrence like have. That fear has lessened over the years, but it's not completely gone. Some may think it silly to fear a possibility, but once you've experienced cancer, you don't ever want to meet that monster again. 

Though I'm grown now, I keep a nightlight on in my bathroom at night. It helps keep me from stubbing my toe or tripping over something. Sometimes, when I think back to my childhood, the feelings of those nighttime fears frightens me. It probably wouldn't have been so bad if my mother had talked with me and tried to soothe my fears or if she'd brought in a homemade bottle of colored water labeled "Monster Spray." It would have been great if she'd knelt with me and held the flashlight while I looked beneath the bed and fired away with the magic spray. At least then I would have felt like I had some sort of weapon to combat the evil. But cancer doesn't flee as quickly. Maybe that's why it scares me so. 

 

Impromtu getaways are the best!

It was an overcast day and we were bored, so we got in the car and started driving. Where to go? What to do? We were on an adventure! 

Our first stop was to a new little coffee shop in a nearby town. It was quaint and tucked in an out of the way place. We went in and ordered coffee along with a pastry for each of us, then got cozy in some nice chairs toward the back of the shop. After chatting a bit, we headed out still unsure of where we were headed. 

Clouds were building and we wondered if it was going to rain. As we passed beautiful farm land, we decided to try for Callaway Gardens. This time of year it would be lush and green. Flowers would be in bloom and it would probably have many tourists, but we wanted to go anyway. 

The more we thought about it, the more we realized we wanted to spend the entire day there, but we'd failed to pack a lunch. No problem, Dollar General to the rescue! Though not our typical preference for picking up lunch items, we knew we'd only need a few things - some bread, PB&J, chips, and drinks. In and out in less than 10 minutes, we were on our way. 

When we got to the gardens, the sky grew even darker. We decided to find a covered picnic table just in case it started to rain. We drove to the beach area and found a great spot. As we ate, we watched some brave youngsters swimming. They were having so much fun and reminded me of a time from my childhood when one of my aunts took me swimming in a lake. I loved it and had the best time!

After lunch, we packed up our trash and headed to some favorite parts of the garden. We loved Mr. Cason's garden, the Discovery Center, and the Butterfly house and normally tried to visit those each time we came. We also loved the chapel but didn't get there today because of the changing weather but were thankful we got to enjoy some of the beautiful scenery before we had to go. 

On our way home, we were almost in a wreck! It started to drizzle and then the rain began coming down harder. Suddenly, a large deer jumped out in front of the car and scared us half to death. Thank goodness my husband was paying close attention and reacted quickly. If he hadn't slammed on the brakes, we would have damaged our car, killed the deer, and possibly have both been injured! It was quite an eventful day.  

We were glad to pull into the driveway. While it's always nice to take those unplanned trips, coming home always feels good. I wonder where we'll go tomorrow? Time will tell! 

It's nice to be able to come and go whenever we please. When we were younger, we were constrained by our jobs. Life is short so we're trying to make the most of each day. It's so hard to watch the days pass faster and faster. Can you believe we're already coming to the end of the first week of June?