Today started out with a visit to my primary care physician. For some reason, before I left the house, I became extremely nervous. I don't know why, but lately, I find myself experiencing anxiety in various situations. It's not something I enjoy and though I do my best to talk myself out of it, sometimes I can't. The doctor at the cancer treatment center tells me it's post cancer PTSD. That makes sense. If I think back, I can't remember being extremely overwhelmed in crowds or reacting adversely to loud, unexpected noises - all symptoms of PTSD.
I haven't driven much lately and that makes me nervous, too. Usually my husband drives me everywhere. It's nice having a personal chauffer, especially on the days when my arms are swollen with fluid from lymphedema, which is always worse in the summer, but I made it there safely by praying and listening to Christian radio.
When I arrived, there weren't too many people in the waiting room. I was thankful. Everyone had on masks. I was called back quickly and the doctor came in a few minutes later. He did a brief exam, wrote my prescription and I left. On the way home, I took a few deep breaths realizing I'd been holding mine.
My cell phone was going off with all sorts of notifications. When I looked at it, I found a couple of messages from the patient portal. Opening them, the nurse gave me information on scheduling an upper endoscopy. It seems the gastroenterologist wanted to do another one. That really scared me, especially since my brother died of esophageal cancer that had metastasized.
I've been having a lot of problems swallowing lately. It seems food gets stuck in my throat so I'm trying to eat smaller portions of soft foods or take in only liquids.
The only appointment available was in October, which seems so far away, but I took it and asked to be added to the waitlist. Covid has caused many doctors to have limited availability for their patients and those who can't get in usually end up going to urgent care.
Feeling stressed to the max, I heard a voice calling from the kitchen - it was the raspberry sorbet hubby had recently picked up for me from the grocery store. Should I or shouldn't I? I asked myself the question over and over until, I finally gave in.
What a nice treat the raspberry was! It seemed to cause me to calm down and relax. Perhaps it was the immediate sugar rush or perhaps it was the cold, I'm not sure which. In any event, I'm thankful it brought a little joy and a little peace to an otherwise stress filled day.
I did find I had to eat it with a plastic green fork though. The stainless-steel spoon was unbearable and gave me a freezer burn on the roof of my mouth. Ain't nobody got time for that!
Doing whatever is necessary for self care is important, even if others think it's silly. I happen to love raspberry sorbet and think I'll make sure to use this stress relieving remedy often.