Writing a book is like giving birth

This is the year I'm supposed to complete my book. That was the impression I got from God as I prayed about it. Over the past few years, I've felt I was supposed to write about the story of how He led me through the valley of breast cancer, but one thing after another has gotten in the way. I'm a firm believer in God's perfect timing and I know, He's been working to get me to a point of obedience regarding this matter. The other day, I heard a sermon that said something along the lines of when we are disobedient to a call God places on our lives, that's the very point Satan steps in and takes advantage of us. That really made me stop and think. Had my busyness been a blatant refusal of being obedient to God's call on my life, I think it probably has been.

So, for the past few weeks, I've been focused on making myself sit down and re-read my journals. I've kept a journal since the first day I found a mass in my right breast. It's been hard reading them again and reliving every aspect of my journey but it's been necessary. Without my journals, I'd have forgotten about all I've been through - well, maybe not everything, but a lot of the fine details would have been lost due to my aging memory and post traumatic stress from cancer.

As I've been reading, I've asked God to point me in the right direction for this book. I had a concept and had written over 45,000 words but this morning, as I woke up, God shifted my perspective and He's taking me in a completely different direction.

For the past 6 hours, I've been writing. I had no idea what time it was until I just now looked at the clock. My shoulders are killing me and I'm about to stop but wanted to do a quick blog post. I haven't been keeping up with my blog either, by the way. I've just had stuff to do.

So I scratched some of what I'd already written and boy, did it feel weird deleting that much content, but when God says, "No," I can't very well say yes, can I?

Now I'm excited about my book. Before, I was feeling weighed down and like I had to do it just to complete the project. Maybe that's why God had me shift gears. I know He wants us to experience joy, so thank you, God.

The goal is to have my book published early next year. I have no idea who's going to publish it but I'm trusting. And if God says I'm to self publish, then I'm going to pray for His provision for the funds to do that. In any event, it will be published next year unless I'm raptured first.

I love how God cares about every single detail of our lives. As we learn to walk by faith and not by sight, He takes us on paths we never expected to cross. He's such a kind and loving God. I'm so thankful I know Him.

So keep your eyes pealed. One of these days, my book is going to hit the shelves. Until then, you can keep coming back to my blog and reading about my life. I promise, I'm going to work hard to do better about posting on a daily basis.

One thing I've learned throughout this process is that writing a book is difficult. It's like giving birth to a baby. The labor pains have just begun as I pour out the first few pages. I'm sure the intensity will grow as I remember the trauma I've experienced. One thing I do know is will be worth it in the end. I'll have a finished product that I'll be proud of and I will have been obedient to God. So yay, me! The let process continue and may the words flow freely today and for the months to come.

Sometimes I just want to pull my hair out

Sometimes I just want to pull my hair out, especially when I read a friend's blog post and I just can't wrap my head around it. This morning, I was reading a post from a fellow breast cancer survivor. She said her cancer has returned and is growing in her spine. As soon as I read the words, I burst into tears. I just didn't understand! We'd been diagnosed with the same type of cancer in the same year. How could it be that her cancer had returned and mine had not? And what made it even more difficult to understand and accept was the fact that she'd chosen to go the traditional treatment route. I'd opted not to do that. She'd endured chemotherapy, radiation, and the anti-hormone therapy afterward. I'd refused chemo, had done 28 rounds of radiation, and had only taken the anti-hormone drugs for a couple of months. It just didn't compute and it certainly didn't seem fair. But that's what sucks about cancer. It doesn't follow the rules.

Cancer the gift that keeps on giving - the high cost of cancer

There's a basket of bills sitting in the corner of my bedroom. I try not to look at it as I enter the room but I know it's there. Its contents spill out onto the floor whenever my husband stuffs another bill into the basket. Usually, when the mail comes, he gets it first so he can filter what I see and what I don't see. Since he's the only one working, he takes care of our financial responsibilities and while I'm thankful for that, I'm not ignorant about our mounting bills. Cancer is expensive. Even if you've reached maintenance phase, it's costly. There are always tests to be run, blood to be taken, doctors to see. It never ends. Just knowing this will be a continual process for the rest of my life frustrates me and the alternative, death, will be my only way out. It would be nice to know that cancer could be a once and done kind of thing but that's only wishful thinking. Everyone knows cancer is a long and very involved illness. I had no id

Annual checkup yields good news!

Yesterday I went to the Cancer Treatment Centers of America for my annual check up. For those unfamiliar with the cancer treatment center, it's an integrative facility that provides services for the body, mind, and spirit. My day began in the survivorship department. While there, I met with the doctor and was asked about how I'd been feeling both physically and emotionally. We talked for about half an hour. The doctor and I had a few laughs and it was probably the most pleasant visit I've ever had. Instead of making me feel that she was the doctor and I was the patient, I felt like we were old friends just having a good chat. It was refreshing and I left her office feeling very optimistic. Next was the port lab where I have my blood drawn. It's always a challenge there because I always have to explain about my lymphedema and why it's necessary to have blood drawn from my hand instead of my arm. You'd think, after 4 years of being a patient there, they'

Journey Out of Pink

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