The Reality of Aging

Today, my husband and I went to see the movie, Bonhoeffer. It was the first time we'd ever gone to a theater in the middle of the day on a weekday. We arrived early and took our seats. Over the next fifteen minutes, we watched as one older couple after another came in. By the time the movie started, there were only 6 couples in the theater all between the ages of 65 and 75. That's when it hit me, we're old and I guess, since retired, older people have the freedom to do what they want when they want, they can go to the movies at unpopular times. 

I wanted to see the movie because it was supposed to be based on Christian martyr, Dietrich Bonhoeffer. I'd studied about him in seminary years ago. I was a little disappointed in the movie because of the way it jumped from past to present and there were a lot of gaps that needed to be filled to complete the story line, but all in all, it was well done. 

I loved the scenes with him in the all black nightclub and the all black church. Those were powerful and heartfelt. The scenes in the Catholic/Anglican church (not sure which it was) weren't nearly as well done and left a lot to be desired. I felt the Bible could have been quoted more and more attention given to his faithfulness as a servant of God, but I guess those things don't draw a crowd of movie goers. 

Angel Studios, a Mormon company, has begun to put out a lot more films since the popularity of the Chosen was created. I don't agree with the tenants of the Mormon faith, they're so close, but so far in understanding the Trinity of God, but their movies and TV shows are well done and people enjoy them. Two previews of their upcoming films were shown today - Homestead and Brave the Dark. Both of those look like they'd be worth watching. Brave the Dark is based on a true story while Homestead is a post apocalyptic film. It will be interesting to see how those are received by the public. 

I do like that Angel Studios allows people to "pay it forward." You can purchase an advance ticket for someone who might not be able to afford one. That's a great ministry. Too bad Christian ministries don't do that, because we should. 

Our movie theater is nice. We like that it's always clean and is very close to our home, but we don't like the fact that they keep it so cold in there. It feels like a meat locker! Thankfully, I took a polar fleece jacket today. Next time, I'll take a blanket, too! 

Movies are little pleasures we don't enjoy often, so when we get to go, it's a special treat. We don't buy anything from the concession stand, instead we bring our own bottled water and a treat or two.

If you like historical movies, especially those about men of faith, you might enjoy this one. There were no curse words in it but there was some violence.

Thanksgiving is right around the corner

 

Wow. I haven't written much this year and I don't really know why other than the fact that I've been busy. It's a sad excuse and one I'm ashamed to admit, particularly since I love writing. 

It's hard to believe how fast the year has flown. My grandmother always used to say, "The older you get, the faster time flies." Boy, was she right. At almost 67, it seems I blink and the year is over. 

Thanksgiving will be in 9 days! It's a time of year I've always enjoyed but this year, it will be very different. Instead of getting to spend the day with my family, I'll be spending it with some of my husband's relatives. 

I'd posted on Facebook about our plans to spend the holiday alone this year since the kids were doing their own thing, and was pleasantly surprised when my husband's cousin reached out. Her invitation to have us join their family was unexpected but very welcomed. Since most of my husband's relatives are already deceased or live far away, we don't get to see them often other than at funerals and I felt it important to accept her gracious offer. It will definitely be different, especially since I don't know his side of the family well, but I'm sure we'll enjoy being with them and making new memories. 

I'm thankful I won't have to do all the meal prep this year, as I normally do. I won't have to scour the house making sure everything is clean and tidy before the kids and grands rush in. Instead, I'll make a couple of dishes to take with us and I'll get a chance to enjoy the day in a new way. Of course, I'll miss the banter and laughter that normally accompanies the kids when they arrive, but it might be nice to have a peaceful, quiet holiday with older folks. 

Thinking back over the years, I have so much to be grateful for. I've almost lost my life several times, but God's allowed me to live. In 1971, my gallbladder burst and gangrene began to set in prompting my doctor to do emergency surgery to remove the organ. I'd suffered for an entire year before they ever figured out what was wrong with me. 

In 1991, I was in a terrible car accident. I was hit head on by a 2 1/2 ton truck. The driver was diabetic and had forgotten to take his insulin that morning. He lost conciousness while driving and hit me head on. My right leg was crushed and had to be put back together with steel pins. I was in a wheelchair for a year and a half. My bones didn't want to fuse back together and the doctor talked about amputation, but God allowed me to slowly recover. I spent another year on crutches before being able to walk without aid. I was so grateful.

In 2005, an endocrinologist discovered lumps in my throat. Biopsies revealed they were precancerous so I had to have my thyroid gland removed.

In 2014, I was diagnosed with stage 2B invasive ductal carcinoma breast cancer. Aggressive medical treatment which included surgery helped me survive. 

Earlier this year, I had another major surgery to repair a hiatal hernia. Just a few days after that surgery, I had complications that led to the development of an ileus (which basically means your bowel shuts down.) I was rushed to the ER and spent a week in the hospital until they could get me stablized. 2 more times this year, I've been rushed to the ER with tacycardia...it's like Satan has tried over and over again to take me out, but God said it isn't time yet. 

Every day I feel like I'm living on borrowed time. That's why I look for reasons to be grateful. I've started writing down at least 3 things each day for which I'm thankful. It's helped to shift my focus from my physical ailments to one of gratitude. 

The health issues aren't quite over though. In January, I'll have a total knee replacement. My left knee has given out. I've already had 2 surgeries on it and have had 4 cortisone injections trying to prolong the inevitable. I don't want another surgery, but I love walking so I'm going to have to do it. The doc says there's no cartilage in there anymore and I'm currently walking bone on bone. 

We have so much to be thankful for - not only the physical comforts we enjoy on a daily basis, but for all the blessings God allows into our lives.This Thanksgiving, I pray you'll find yourself looking for reasons to celebrate His goodness. There are others more unfortunate than you, whether you know them or not. 

This is the first year I've put my Christmas tree up before Thanksgiving, too! Since we weren't going to have any of the family here to celebrate Thanksgiving with us, I figured why not. At least I'll get to enjoy the pretty tree and decorations a few weeks longer than normal and I may decide to leave it up til mid January, too. 

Holiday traditions are wonderful. We find peace and comfort in the routine, but I think sometimes God wants us to be willing to be flexible. I'm trying hard to think that way and look for unexpected blessings in the flexibility. 

There's a wonderful book I read years ago called "1000 Gifts" by Ann Voskamp. The book focuses on her desire to live a life of gratitude after tragically losing her little sister. She learned that living Eucharisteo means living a life of thanks. It's a very poignant book and if you haven't read it, I hope you will. 

May you find much to be thankful for this year and may God bless you with the love of family and friends this holiday season. I'll try to write more in the days ahead, I've already made it one of my New Year's resolutions.

Realizing the brevity of life

This weekend, I was able to meet my first great grandchild for the first time. It was an awesome experience, but humbling as well. It was difficult to grasp the fact that I'm a great grandmother. Who ever thought I'd become one at such a "young" age? 

Looking at my cute little great grandson, I could easily see my grandson in him - those eyes, wow...it reminded me of when my grandson was that little and got to love on him. 

It also reminded me that life is going by in a huge hurry and I'd better grab every second of every day before they slip away. 

As I watched my great grandson tug on my husband's beard, I felt a huge tug on my heart strings. More than likely, we won't be around to see this little guy grow up, but hopefully we'll still get to be a part of his life through photos - at least for a little while. 

When I had my children, I never gave much thought to one day becoming a grandmother much less a great grandmother! I was so tuned in to making sure they were happy and healthy I couldn't think about anything else. 

Looking back now, I realize those first 18 years of life with each of my 4 children were flying by. I just didn't realize how quickly they'd go...

The Bible says our life is like a vapor, here today and gone tomorrow. I believe it. 

These days life keeps us so busy we can barely focus on things of importance. That's why I'm making a resolution right now to become more intentional about spending time with my children and great grandchildren. 

I'm still trying to learn to be present in the moment. Perhaps I have a little touch of ADD or ADHD because my focus shifts so quickly all the time. Or, maybe it's due to my life post cancer. When I was diagnosed, I told myself I wouldn't let a day pass without using up every minute of it and that's what I've tried to do for the past 10 years - sometimes to my detriment. 

If you could see my office or my art room right now, you'd shudder. I have projects everywhere! I bounce from one thing to the other and then before finishing one of those projects, I start another. I know, I know...I'm working on it. 

I'm so thankful to be part of this little guy's life. I hope I live long enough for him to get to know me. He'll probably think he's got the whackiest Great Grammie around, but that's okay. I'll love him anyway.
 

Losing Control Isn't Easy for a Type A Person

 

Be forewarned, this is a very long, personal devotional and definitely falls into the category of oversharing, but I need to do this for myself and hopefully, to encourage and bless someone else. (Also, if you're squeamish, you might not want to look at the pictures.)

Most of the people who know me know I'm a firstborn child. As a result of that, I learned quickly to become a people pleaser. I wanted to always do good and be good so I'd get the attention and affection of both my parents and others in my life. To do that, I learned I needed to be in control. I worked hard to keep things in check, things both big and small. But if you've ever studied about it, people pleasing isn't a good thing. In fact, it's a nasty flesh pattern and one that isn't a becoming trait. It's not something that makes God pleased. 

 

Through the years, I've struggled to learn to let go of my people pleasing tendencies and to squelch my need for control. I'm ashamed to admit it, but even today, I struggle a little with both of these although where I am today is way better than I was in the past. 

 

Without going into a very long list of details, I'll give you a nutshell version - I've endured trials many would never imagine, most of them health related, but there have been many others as well. I'm a strong person, not physically, but spiritually, and I know these trials have been permitted by the hand of God to refine and reshape my life. 

 

Kardia EKG machine

Yesterday started out as a good day. After breakfast, I started in on my housework. We ran a few errands, came home and had lunch. It was a typical day until it wasn't. 

 

Phil had gone out to work in the yard. We just had a lot of sod installed and it had to be watered. While he was doing that, I came into my office to check emails, write some prisoners (I'm part of a prison ministry), and do a few other piddly things. As I was working on an email, I started to feel funny. My heart was beating really fast and wasn't beating in the normal lub dub rhythm. I won't lie, it scared me and I became very shaky. I knew my blood pressure must be up too, so I went to check it. When I did, it was 202/99 and my pulse rate was 138. Definitely not good. 

 

Next, I pulled out my portable EKG (my cardiologist had suggested I get one several months ago after a similar experience.) The EKG was quick and indicated Tachycardia. 

 

Waiting on test results

As I tried not to freak out, I looked outside to see if I could find my husband to let him know what was going on. I couldn't find him and didn't want to waste time looking. I was feeling worse and saw the clock indicated it was 4:45 p.m. I dialed my cardiologist's number in hopes of getting some advice. I knew they were about to close so I prayed I'd get through. After 3 tries I was able to talk with a nurse. She said go to the ER. So I called 911 and when the ambulance got there, they worked on me a while before taking me to the hospital. 

 

At the hospital, the nurses were kind. Immediately they inserted an IV and took many vials of blood. About 30 minutes later, the ER doc comes in and says he wants to do a CT scan with and without contrast. He didn't explain why. 

 

When the transport team came to get me and take me to the CT room, the person pushing me in the wheelchair said, "We're going to do a CT scan. Have you had one before?" I replied, "Yes, many times." She said, "Good. This one will be to see if you have a blood clot in your heart." Hearing that freaked me out. I had no idea the CT was for something like that. 

 

My blood

In the CT tube, as the contrast flowed through my veins and I began to feel warm all over, I prayed, "Oh, Lord, please let anything that needs to be seen be illuminated clearly. If You're ready to take me home, I'm ready to go." Over and over as the test was running, I prayed. 

 

I was taken back to the room and we had to wait several more hours before the results were in from all the tests. While we waited, I worried, then prayed. Phil did his best to keep me calm, but this was definitely something I couldn't control....a blood clot in my heart??? I couldn't fathom it. 

 

Control. It's the one thing we wish we had but many times don't. Practically every waking moment of our lives we're surrounded by things we can't control- the economy, the weather, circumstances, opinion of others, our health, etc. It's easy to start doubting and worrying. But God didn't wire us to be in control. In fact, our lack of control requires us to rest in Him and lean on Him. It forces us to use our faith muscles.

I knew, as I waited to hear what was causing my health crisis that God was and is always in control. The Bible teaches us through various scriptures how there is nothing beyond His control. And if God was in control, I had no reason to fear. Because He loves me and has numbered my days. 

 

When the ER doc came back in to talk with us, He said my D-Dimer was high, my potassium was low, and I had some funky things in my lungs called ground glass opacities. But even with all those things, there was NO blood clot in my heart! Praise God!!! 

 

So, this typical type A has once again loosened her grip on the rope of control. Now I am praying I can get in to see the various doctors I'm supposed to follow up with on Monday. Would you please pray with me that an opening will be available? Mondays are usually packed full for most physicians. (I used to work for several docs. We always kept 2 work in appointments available each day, one around 10:30 and the other at 2:30. Hopefully this practice is still in place.)

 

Losing control is hard. Trusting COMPLETELY in God regarding health issues or any other problem in your life, is also difficult. Both take determination and will. But with God, it's possible, I promise. 

 

Scriptures to cling to: 

 

Jeremiah 29:11-12. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you."

 

Job 42:2. "I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted."

Isaiah 55:9. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

 

Romans 8:28. "And we know that for those who love
God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."

 

Philippians 4:12-13. "I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me."

 

Hebrews 13:8. "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."

 

1 John 5:14. "And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us."

Bracing for the Impact of Pinktober

It's almost the end of September, can you believe it? I can't. I'm already bracing for impact. This is the time of year I hate most, not the end of September per se, but the beginning of October. Why do I hate October, well, it's because this will be my 10th Pinktober. 

Pinktober is a phrase that was coined when the Susan G. Komen Foundation made pink ribbons their world famous logo. The ribbon was chosen to represent the founder's beloved sister who passed away from breast cancer. I'll have to admit, Pinktober is a cute name for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, but I don't like pink. 

When I was a little girl, my Mom wanted to dress me up in frilly pink dresses, but I hated them. I wasn't a girly girl. I was a bonafide tomboy. Pink reminded me of Pepto Bismal and that over the counter medication always made me think of illness. Whenever I had a stomach ache, that was the go to remedy.
To this day, I hate the color of Pepto Bismal. 

I don't know why I have such an aversion to pink. It's probably because, in my mind, pink represents femininity and I've never felt very feminine. 

When most girls my age were watching their bosoms develop into those of young women, I remained flat as a board. When they wanted to play dress up or play with dolls, I wanted to be outside climbing trees. I always felt like there was something wrong with me. I didn't fit the mold of what a little girl should be - all dainty and cute. I was more of a ripped jeans and t shirt kind of girl. I was the one with unkempt hair and dirty under my nails. And speaking of nails, to this day I don't get manicures or pedicures. To me they're a waste of time. 

This past weekend, my husband and I came home from a week long vacation. My son had invited us to join him in the mountains. He has a timeshare in North Carolina and knows how much getting out in nature means to me. We agreed to meet him at work and pick him up so we could travel together. It was going to be a great time of rest and relaxation. We were looking forward to it. 

One day, we decided to go hiking. There were several waterfalls nearby. We loaded up the car and headed out. It was a gloriously beautiful day. The sun was shining and it was a mild 72 degrees. When we got out of the car and headed for the trail, I noticed my son was wearing a t shirt his company designed for breast cancer awareness. Across the back of his shirt was the name of his company, beneath that was an American flag with a bright pink breast cancer ribbon on the far right. Beneath that were the words "What's Important Now." The W, I, and N were also in bright pink. I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, my son had worn that shirt to let me know he loved and cared about me. It was special to see he and his company wanted to be part of sharing the importance of breast cancer with others. 

Pink breast cancer ribbons are on almost everything now, not just during the month of October, but that's when they're a little more visible. 

I have to say, before my own diagnosis, I rarely paid attention to the pink ribbons. The first year after diagnosis, I wanted everything I saw that had a breast cancer ribbon on it. I purchased hats, t shirts, purses, tennis shoes, you name it, I had it. Now, I don't want a thing with a pink ribbon on it. I guess you could say, after 10 years of being submerged in a sea of pink, I'm over it. At first I swam hard in that sea. A few years later, I relaxed and floated lazily along. Now I'm treading water wondering, if one day, I'll be thrust into the sea of pink again. 

I don't like pink, as previously stated, and I especially don't like pink ribbons. Yes, they are a good thing in many ways - they make people stop and think about breast cancer or perhaps, remind them of someone dear they've loved and lost to the disease. Whatever the case, as I said in an article I wrote back in 2018, "One thing is for sure, that little pink ribbon is a symbol known all over the world. No words need to be spoken. The meaning is clear. Breast cancer can affect men, women, and even children. It touches the lives of all races and religions. Breast cancer is nasty business and changes lives forever. And if we can make sure people understand that, while offering information on prevention and care, then I say, Brace yourself, the tide is rising, the water is gathering at your feet." 

Pink makes you think, especially when it colors that famous ribbon. I pray this year, as you see them pop up, they'll remind you of two things: 

1. The importance of breast self exams and regular mammograms. 

2. Not to forget that breast cancer isn't a respecter of persons. It can strike anywhere, anytime and may affect someone you love.

 

 

Will the health challenges ever end?

I wish I'd understood how age affects one's health. Even though I saw it first hand, I didn't grasp the concept as my in laws and my parents began to decline. I knew their stamina would wane, that's just part of life, but to fully understand the challenges of aging, I think one must have first hand experience. 

By today's standards, I'm not really old. Yes, I'm closer to 70 than 60, but to me, that's still pretty young. I don't necessarily feel my age. Perhaps that's because I push myself day in and day out. Since my cancer diagnosis back in 2014, I've pushed even harder than ever before. I've often asked myself why, but when I think about it, I believe the feeling I need to use up every minute of every day is rooted in the fear of wasting time that I am not guaranteed to have. Funny how a disease can impress that on you. 

This year has been extremely challenging. I've been hospitalized more times than I can count. Some of those hospitalizations were planned surgeries and others, complications of surgeries or unexpected issues that snuck up on me when I least expected them. 

I don't like hospitals but I will say I feel comfortable in them. I know, even in hospitals where the care isn't the greatest, I will receive some care. That gives me a weird form of security, but I have to say, the last few visits to the ER were definitely not good experiences. In fact, they were pretty bad and I'm not just talking about personnel, I'm talking about uncleanness and ineptitude. I never thought hospitals in our city would be that way. How naive of me! 

Today I had a CT scan on my knee. I wasn't expecting to do it so soon. On my last visit to the bone and joint center, I'd had a good many x-rays done. My poor left knee had been giving me problems for the past 2 years. I'd already had a lateral menisectomy and a condroplasty on it. I'd also had 4 cortisone shots. Those bought me some time, but the doc said we were now at a point of making the choice to better my quality of life or keep winging it with medical patches. He said the x-rays revealed my situation was now bone on bone. There was nothing left to do other than a complete knee replacement...OH JOY! 

I wondered why they wanted a CT scan after I'd received this news, but the medical assistant cleared it up for me. She said they needed the scan in order to make my prosthetic joint. When she said that, I became very quiet. 

My poor body has been through a lot. In fact, sometimes I wonder how I'm still alive with all the pieces and parts I have missing. You could say I'm a miracle, but I think God isn't done with me yet and that's why He keeps letting me go through one health trial after another. 

I keep hoping my kids will see and understand the things I didn't as my parents were aging. If they lived closer, I imagine they would. I don't ever want to have to need their help, but eventually it will come down to it. 

Aging joints, lack of strength, needing to rest more often, random aches and pains - I've got all of those, I'll admit. It sucks, to be honest. I'd love to have the strength from my youth again, but that won't ever happen. 

If this surgery can make me more mobile, I'll be thankful. I don't look forward to all it entails, but sometimes you do what you have to do to keep going. 

I've got my walker fitted with little gliding tennis balls and I'm psyching myself up for physical therapy. Just like the train in the Little Engine that Could, a story I used to read my children when they were small, I'm telling myself, "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can..." I sure hope I'm right. I don't ever want to be confined to a wheelchair again like I was after my awful car wreck in 1990. That was a time of excruciating pain and trauma. My right tibia and fibula were completely

crushed and it took almost 3 years for me to be able to walk without pain again. Thank goodness it's the left leg this time. Boy, I'm glad we only have 2 legs!

Fire ants!

How can something so little hurt so much? I've asked myself that question a thousand times and always in regard to some tiny, evil, red devils properly named FIRE ANTS! If you've ever encountered any of these wretched insects, you know what I'm talking about! Their potent venom can inflict so much pain. 

On a hike, about a week ago, my husband and I stopped to have lunch. There was a concrete picnic table in the state park and we decided to have lunch there. As always, I looked under the table before sitting down. (I've learned in the past, creepy crawlers like to hide and nest there.) When I looked, I didn't see anything but decomposing leaves, so flinging one leg then the other over the concrete bench, sat down to enjoy a sandwich. After lunch, we drove home thinking about the perfectly beautiful day we'd had. 

But...

About an hour into our ride home, I began to itch. That's when I realized I'd been attacked. 

As soon as we got home, I pulled off my pants and saw the damage, about 30 bites covered my legs. They were flame red and welted up. I recognized those bites from past attacks. Pulling out the Benadryl, I coated my legs but got little relief. 

For the next several days, I itched and scratched. I slathered myself in hydrocortisone cream and alternated with Benadryl, I even took oral Benadryl hoping the medication would quell the antihistamine roaring through my body, but nothing worked. 

It's a good thing I keep my nails short, or I would have been bleeding all over the place! Even with short nails, I did some damage as I was scratching, but try as I might, I had to do it. It wasn't until I scratched off the top layer of skin that I got some relief and then, a friend told me to try Lavender essential oil. That was the only thing that helped. 

I don't know why God invented some of His creatures, like flies, mosquitoes, and ants but I'm sure He had a reason. 

Fire ants could be a weapon of mass destruction, or at least feel like it! 

 If you see any of those little red devils, BEWARE! They don't play! They are seriously equipped to inflict pain and can even cause anaphylaxis. 

The Silent Killer

 

I don't know who coined the term "The Silent Killer," but I've learned a lot about it lately. The term relates to blood pressure. 

Many people have no idea what their blood pressure reading is unless they monitor it. Most people don't keep a check on their blood pressure because you can't really feel what it's doing until it's either too high, (hypertension), which can be noticed by severe headache, pounding heartbeat, or other symptoms. Or if it's too low, (hypotension), which may be indicated by feelings of dizziness, fainting, or fatigue. 

Hypertension can be hereditary, as is my case. Many of my family members have or have had hypertension. I don't know when my blood pressure first became a problem, but it seems I've had it all most of my life. That being the case, I've tried to monitor it at least once or twice a day for years. 

About a week ago, my husband and I were sitting in the living room watching a movie on TV. All of a sudden, I started feeling odd. I could feel my heart beating out of rhythm. Instead of the normal LUB DUB, LUB DUB, LUB DUB, mine was going LUB....DUB....LUB LUB LUB DUB...DUB...LUB, LUB DUB, DUB, DUB. I thought perhaps my blood pressure was high, so I went to check it. It was indeed elevated but it wasn't quite time for my medication. I waited a few minutes and when the rhythm of my heart kept being out of sync thought I might better take my blood pressure medicine early. After taking it, I waited another 15 minutes thinking it would kick back into normal rhythm and I'd be okay, but it did not. That's when I started to get scared. 

I'd had extremely high blood pressure in the past and had been rushed to the hospital so I knew the drill. The last time that happened to me, I was in Alaska on a 2 week mission trip. We were helping a church in Moose Creek, Alaska, build a youth center. My job was mudding a tapping sheetrock. It was the middle of summer and being up on a ladder all day in that heat was overwhelming. When I started feeling off, the first thing I did was get off the ladder. I told my team leader I wasn't feeling well and he suggested I go into my makeshift bedroom in the church (an air mattress on the floor of a Sunday School room) and lie down. I did, but things got worse. I started feeling heavy pressure on my chest and assumed I was having a heart attack. When the team leader came in to check on me, he could tell I was in bad shape and called an ambulance. The closest hospital was in Fairbanks, AK, twenty miles away. It would take about twenty five minutes to get there. The team leader was worried and told the ambulance to meet us halfway. I was loaded into the pastor's truck and whisked away down winding dirt roads. 

When we met up with the ambulance, they flipped on the sirens and rushed me to the hospital. After a couple of days in the cardiac care unit, they let me go. They never did determine if I did have a heart attack but said I did have SVT - supraventricular tacycardia. (That means my ventricles were beating way faster than they should have and were messing up my heart rhythm.) It was a very scary time for both my husband and I. 

As I sat in the recliner in the living room trying my best to stay calm, Phil said he thought he needed to call 911. I didn't want to go to the hospital, but felt I was in crisis and it would be wise to go. Since my husband is very hard of hearing, I made the call. Thankfully, the 911 operator was very patient and had a calming voice. She stayed on the phone with me until the ambulance arrived. 

At the hospital, they ran all kinds of tests, Tronopin levels, CBC, Complete Metabolic panels, etc. They found out my potassium was extremely low at 2.7 and told me if I hadn't come in, my heart probably would have stopped. 

To make a long story shorter, 3 cardiologists saw me and the one with the most experience (34 years) determined my blood pressure medications needed to be changed and I needed to be pumped with potassium. Two days later, I went home with my heart finally beating normally. 

But there was a problem. The new medication didn't agree with me. It made my legs swell up like balloons. Apparently that was a common side effect of Amlodipine, so I put in a call to my cardiologist giving him info on my symptoms, and he changed my medication again. 

This morning was the first time on the new medication. Hopefully, I won't have any negative side effects. I've been to the hospital 4 times already this year - once for a surgery, once for complications following that surgery, and twice for issues with blood pressure. 

It's no wonder my husband and I suffer medical PTSD! Over the past 10 years, I've been hospitalized over and over again, mostly due to cancer related issues. 

Please take your health seriously. If you don't own a blood pressure monitor, most drug stores have one you can use for free or the pharmacist will take it for you. It's so important to pay attention to your body. It does signal when things are wrong, you just have to learn to pay attention the signals. 

I told my husband, after this last ambulance ride, I don't ever want to go to the hospital again and I meant it. While I'm thankful for the emergency room doctors and staff, often they're inundated with patients and can't give timely care to those who need it. That's one reason it's so important to have someone with you if you ever need to go. That person can be your advocate and help you get the care you deserve.

Who's the Dummy Now?

Have you ever had a movie line pop into your head at the most random time? I have. It happens often, especially since 2 of my kiddos love to watch movies and memorize lines. 

The day before yesterday, after a very uncomfortable situation, I had a line from the hilarious comedy, "Major Payne," pop into my head -  "Who's the dummy now?" And that line was absolutely appropriate for what happened. 

It was hot and when I say hot, think inferno, then add some major humidity top of it. My husband and I had been out working in the yard and had both come in red faced and drenched with sweat. I had the bright idea to cool down using a frozen gel pack. They don't really freeze all the way because of something they put in them (I'm not sure if it's alcohol or what, but it allows them to remain pliable.)

I unbuttoned my shirt and placed the ice pack on my upper chest, just above my stomach. Right after doing it, I wondered why I couldn't feel the coolness from the ice pack. Normally, they're extremely cold and I have to use a thin towel to protect my skin from the icy temps. "Oh, well," I thought as I leaned back in my recliner to enjoy a cold drink. 

I started reading a book and forgot all about having the ice pack on. About thirty minutes later, I remembered and took it off. 

When it was time for bed, I noticed a big red blob on my chest as I was changing into my pjs. Yikes! That's when I realized what I'd done. 

When I had surgery for breast cancer, they sliced me clear across my chest cutting through muscles and nerves. The doc told me I'd probably be numb in that area for years and years, possible for the rest of my life, and to be careful. 

Still feeling no pain, I went to bed but was awakened in the wee hours of the morning hurting. Walking into the bathroom, I lifted my shirt and looked. Huge, ugly blisters had formed on my chest. I had freezer burned my skin!

Who's the dummy now? It was definitely me! I should have thought to put a thin cloth between my skin and the ice pack. I didn't understand how I could be hurting now though. If I hadn't felt the cold from the pack, how was I feeling pain from the burn? 

My youngest daughter helped me figure it out. She said, "Mom, the nerves in your chest muscles were severed, but your skin (the epidermal layer) was still in tack. That's why you can feel the pain now." Great!! 

Digging through some beach stuff, I found a bottle of Aloe Vera and slathered in on my chest. Now I not only had a hideous scar but on top of that a red blobby burn with blisters and now, green tinted Aloe Vera gel. What a mess...

Google says a dummy is a stupid or foolish person, a person lacking intelligence and I'd have to agree. How could I be so dumb? 

It's been 10 years since I had surgery. I guess I'd all but forgotten about my chest trauma. I won't be doing that again! I can't fathom forgetting something like that, but I guess it's a good thing?!? Breast cancer has taken up so much of my life for the past decade. Finally, I've come to terms with all of it and have been living my life as normally as possible. 

Dummy, dummy, dummy! Yep that's me. And I'm the one who'll be suffering for it until this burn heals up. 

Note to self: Do not, I repeat, do not ever put an ice pack on your skin again without using a layer of protection. 

Snakes everywhere

We love sitting out on our back patio in the summertime. We especially love the fact that we have a ceiling fan out there which helps to keep it nice and cool when there's no breeze. We also enjoy being around nature. As we sit looking over our wooded lot, we see all sorts of birds flitting to and fro. We love them! We've even put up several bird feeders and a bird bath to welcome them which they enjoy often. But one thing we don't like is the fact that when we're not outside sitting on our patio they like to rest on the back of our lawn furniture. And the longer they sit the more presents they leave. 

So I tried to come up with a good solution. After doing some internet research, I found that birds don't like snakes so I ordered some rubber ones from Amazon. Draping them over the back of the chairs, I had to laugh. I wonder what the neighbors would think if they saw snakes on the back of our furniture? Especially the neighbor on the right who is a member of the Assembly of God Church. 

We weren't sure the rubber snakes would work, but after a couple of days, we noticed birds were no longer lighting on our lawn furniture. We were happy about that! No more scrubbing bird poop off the fabric! 

This afternoon as I was sitting out there, I was also thinking about what we had seen in just a few minutes of the opening ceremony of the Olympics. It was disgusting and we turned it off. 

Facebook today has been filled with comments about the ceremony and the sacrilege that was displayed. I'm thankful I didn't see it. And that's when I began to think more about those rubber snakes. They're so symbolic. 

We are definitely in a world filled with spiritual darkness and constant warfare. As believers, we need to ask God to help us discern evil and stand against it. We know that we have no power in and of ourselves, but the Holy Spirit dwells in us and through him we are more than conquerors. 

Everyday it seems things get worse and worse. These are definitely signs of the end times and we are not one bit surprised because the Bible has warned us this is the way it would be just before Jesus returns. So all of this points to the fact that the time of His coming is closer than many think. 

I'm so ready to go home and leave this evil world behind. What about you? 

The evil is palpable. If we don't stand firmly against it, we will fall prey to it. That's one reason it's so important to know the Word. We need to be memorizing scripture and hiding it in our hearts. 

Be aware! Snakes are everywhere, both seen and unseen. And while snakes are only representative of evil, we know the god of the underworld, Satan, is very busy deceiving and blinding the eyes of all he can. 

The Bible tells us to stay alert that the devil prowls about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. Don't fall victim to the schemes! Guard your eyes and guard your heart.